aura

Clozapine has been a miracle drug for me. It helped with both mood and psychosis. The blood draws are a pain, but for me they are worth it.

Haldol? I know you aren't keen on trying typicals, but maybe for a short amount of time?

I usually rely on tdoc to tell me what my mood is, up or down. Do you have someone like that in your life?

I just got dx'ed with "other specified trauma and stressor related disorder" mainly because my flashbacks aren't always about the trauma, but often are rather about anxiety I experienced due to the trauma. In Egypt I was super stressed and I developed a fear of leaving my apartment. This hasn't gone away. I keep having flashbacks of how afraid I was in Egypt. Now I never feel safe. I can't go far from my apartment. Even at home I stress. I'm afraid of men and won't meet one by himself. It's like Egypt set off a trauma reaction that has turned into a wildfire of memories and fears. But all this fear, I now realize, relates to previous trauma. It's like the trauma was suppressed all these years and now hit me all of a sudden. Does this even make sense? I feel doubly traumatized by my how my trauma symptoms manifested.

@Wonderful.Cheese It makes me so sad to read this. You are WORTH being part of this world. You are a kind and loving person. I've gotten to know you over the years and I can tell for sure you a good person who doesn't have to suffer like this. Much support from me. if you ever need to talk, PM me.

Why no clozapine? Just curious.

To have PTSD do I need to have had a major traumatic event, or could it be more like a chain of moderately traumatic events? I think I'm minimizing how traumatic my past has really been. I also posted this on my blog for more specific info.

Visual. I have color-grapheme synaesthesia so all words and numbers have colors for me.