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Everything posted by aura

  1. I just went through a rough week of depression and psychosis, and I barely remember anything. My tdoc thinks I went into a "dissociative fugue" state and moved things around my apartment, with no memory of it later. Has this happened to anyone else? The internet seems to think it's a rare occurrence.
  2. Stupid voices make it hard to read. :(

  3. I was in an uber today and we drove by some guy walking onto the highway ramp. The driver was like: "he's gotta be schizo!" Awkward.
  4. I have total memory loss from this past week of deep depression, suicidal thoughts, and psychosis. I probably should have gone to the hospital.
  5. I have some insight when I'm manic usually. I would say call your doctor before it gets worse.
  6. Clozapine works way better for me than olanzapine. The blood tests are annoying, but for me they are worth it.
  7. My anxiety is so out of control that I feel suicidal. I don't want to live this way anymore. This isn't a life.
  8. I lactated on both risperdal and invega. It wouldn't have been that huge of a problem, except that my breasts and nipples were also extremely painful. I had to discontinue.
  9. My anxiety is out of control. 

    1. Persona_Is_Life


      Feel better! 

  10. I gained about 20 pounds initially, but I've since lost 10 of them. Taking metformin in addition to the clozapine helped, but I can't take it anymore because it gives me nausea.
  11. A year ago I was thinking the very same thing: that I was basically terminally ill. I was in the hospital four times last year, in residential for over two months, and in PHP for another two months. Miraculously, I was re-diagnosed with schizoaffective and considered a candidate for clozapine. Starting clozapine has changed my life. My symptoms now are super mild and short-lasting. I guess what I wanted to say is that there is hope for treatment, even if it doesn't feel that way right now.
  12. I haven't been full blown manic since 2016. Now that I'm on clozapine, I'm hoping I'll never be manic again.
  13. I also have moments of lucidity during episodes. If there is one thing I've learned about bipolar over the years is that anything goes.
  14. Sometimes when my eyes are shut I can see my room normally as if my eyes were open. Is this a kind of hallucination? Anyone else experience this?
  15. Feeling my usual summer depression approaching. I hope the clozapine keeps it short and mild.

    1. Wonderful.Cheese


      Crossing my fingers and toes that clozapine comes to the rescue ASAP!

  16. I tend to get upset when the wrong diagnosis is written down for me too. I feel so misunderstood. I would recommend having an open conversation with your pdoc about this.
  17. Went to Hearing Voices Group today and it went really well. It's helpful to interact with other people who hear voices... really helps to normalize my experiences.
  18. @Wonderful.Cheese I get nervous around billing stuff too, but I think it's pretty unlikely that she will be able to access your online accounts.
  19. My doctor says it's possible to have psychosis with hypomania. I wonder if that's what happened to me in the past?
  20. Yes, I definitely do have SZA. My question is whether "bipolar type" necessarily means bipolar 1 or could I have bipolar 2.
  21. I wonder whether or not I really have ever been full blown manic before. I have been hospitalized twice for "mania," but I think I might have just been hypomanic those times. I was still sleeping 5-6 hours per night at least and had some insight into my condition.What really tipped the diagnosis over to mania was the presence of hallucinations and delusions. But I have since been re-diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and have experienced psychosis totally outside the presence of a mood episode. For those of you who have experienced both mania and hypomania, what is the difference, not including psychosis? Is it possible to have bipolar II and schizoaffective?
  22. I don't have a cocktail anymore! I'm almost done titrating off trileptal, which leaves me only with clozapine and clonazepam (which I take maybe once a month at most). I'm so grateful that clozapine works so well for me.
  23. So glad to hear you're doing well! I'm also finally on a med regimen that works for me. I hope we both continue to thrive.
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