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Fluffypinkbunny

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  1. I hope you go cheese! Seems like it would do you good. You could say that you suffer from terrible migranes if pushed. I've got that one ready with an ibs back up too LOL.
  2. I'm at the halfway point now and expect things to go up from here. Every other day the intensity is increased. My dr says he has a 80% success rate in his practice and has been doing tms for a very long time. Back when they used hand held magnets. With the deep tms I wear a sexy blue cap with chin snap. Over that goes the helmet. I thought I would only feel tapping on one side of my head. Wrong, It also hits the other side too. Almost like it's treating the whole brain. As they increase the intensity it makes my jaw tremble. Most wear mouth guards to avoid chipping teeth. I just keep my mouth and jaw shut tight. You also have to wear ear plugs and mostly I keep my eyes shut and try to relax. I sit in a very comfortable chair with my legs up. The sessions go really fast at about 20 minutes I ask about other patients. One was in a really bad state when she started. When done she went into remission and off all her meds. A year later she's back in for additional sessions as she felt like she was slipping. I never invisioned going off of meds and maybe that's why she has to come back in. I have a mild headache ever day but it doesn't bother me. Here's what it looks like: http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=deep+tms&FORM=HDRSC3#view=detail&mid=7DAEB49EA098E66683257DAEB49EA098E6668325
  3. Sook, I'm so sorry about your business:( Sorry about the pain too. If you don't mind, what's your condition. If you don't want to share no biggie. I don't have any health issues really that would cause me to be depressed. You might want to get the papers for ssdi. It may take some time for the process. My husband got the papers started for me. My dad passed away 6 years ago from lung cancer and he also had dementia. He didn't need maintence treatments that I ever remember. He would be gone in the hospital for like a month and would come home better and go back to work. How he did it I'll never know. He was the treasurer at a local collage. I know he applied for disability at one time but they wouldn't give it to him. He had to work no matter what to support a wife and 4 kids. JT thank you so much for your response and help! I'm glad you're feeling better again too. My poor brain is so exhausted from all the negative introspection 24/7. All of a sudden I couldn't focus at all. My mind just wouldn't shut off no matter what I tried for distraction. Today after treatment I spoke with my dr and he wanted me to try a baby dose of Ritalin. I was blown away and frightened as just about any med, sends me into orbit. Wellbutron and Lamictal were hell. I said no way I would ever be able to handle any kind of stim. I have a long history of anxiety and panic attacks. Anyhow, I got the script and stared at the pill for a long time and considered my options. As this point my brain is mush so why not try it. I took it and waited for signs of agitation with my lorazapam in hand. Nothing happened. I didn't have any anxiety or agitation! My mind seems more calm too. Maybe this is a good sign that I'll be able to tolerate it and be able to go up to a higher dose. For the first time in 6 months I have hope that I'm going to get better. It's going to take time but I think I'm on the right path with the tms. Just wish it went quicker.
  4. I hope you get to the bottom of your issues and are feeling better soon. I was wondering if you've ever considered Ketamine infussions for your anhedonia?
  5. Thanks sook! The part about all this that gets me the most is that I can't stop thinking about my illness. It never turns off. I'd be so happy if I could sleep or watch tv during the day but it's impossible. No joke my brain is going all day and night about it until I go to bed. There are no breaks He had two or three breakdowns with long normal stretches in-between. This was back in the 70's. Do you work? How long has this been going on for you?
  6. I take Prazosin for nightmares. It's a blood pressure med. At first I was very dizzy on it but it's gone away. Good luck. I hope you find some relief from the nightmares.
  7. Hi Sook! Just got back from treatment. I'm halfway there. I noticed a little change the first week but really can't say how. Every two days they up the intensity. It's a slow process. Talked with the dr about my back up plan. We're planning on trying a MOAI next week but I think I'd like to hold out until after I'm done with the tms If the tms doesn't work he said I could go to NYC and have ketamine but since it's not fda approved, insurance won't cover it. We don't have that kind of money laying around. Other choice is ect. I'm really not afraid of it as my father had several rounds when I was little. He told me that ect was the only thing that ever worked for him. I'm sorry you are in bad shape like me:( The anhedonia is killing me. Do you have that too?
  8. Thank you both! I couldn't even imagine going to school right now so give yourself a pat on the back whendovescry. Sook, are you this bad off too? What's your life like?
  9. I don't know where to start other to say that I'm feeling really messed up and trapped right now. I've been in this depressive episode since last fall. It wasn't too bad and I could still function. My pd put me on Wellbutrin and that sent me into agitated depression. This was the start of the med go round. Tried lamictal and that too sent me into agitated hell. At one point I went on Paxil and it threw me down so far I was suicidal. I was in so much pain. Tried more meds and they too caused my anxiety to go through the roof. Since this summer I have been in a complete state of despair with total anhedonia. There is not one thing that has given me one bit of pleasure, not even eating. In addition, I'm completely numb and feel disconnected from everyone and life. On top of that, I'm depersonalized do to the anxiety from the meds. I'm living in a nightmare that I can't wake up from. My therapist also thinks I have PTSD. My mind is constantly thinking about my illnesses and I can't turn it off. I can't watch tv or do much of anything because my concentration is so bad. When I'm not having dark obsessive thoughts, my mind is blank. Can't even day dream anymore. My brain feels like mush. What do you do with yourself when you can't feel or enjoy a single moment? I have no desire for anything. Can't even decide what I want to eat. No joy, excitement, pleasure, comfort, happiness or sense of well being. I feel like someone came in during the night and stole my wonderful life away from me. I was so happy and content before this all started. I have no quality of life and am suffering. I sit in a chair and look on the computer all day about MI and count the hours until I can go to bed so I can get up and do it all over again. I've been reading so much and now think I have personality disorders too. Only leave the house for dr appointments and pretty much stopped driving because of the depersonalization. I'm married and have a 10 year old son. I need to get better for them. My husband works full time and has had to take on all the house hold duties as well. Right now, I'm doing deep tms but have a while to go with the treatments. On Friday I see my PD and I need to know what the back up plan will be if the tms doesn't fix the issues. I have a feeling ect will be brought up. For those of you who had ect, did it help with anhedonia or numb feelings? Did your happiness come back? I was thinking of trying a MOAI but then again, I hate to waste more time on meds. Must rev up the anxiety so I'm afraid of that too. I'm so fucked up right now and feel like I'll never be normal again. Thank you for reading and any suggestions would be great.
  10. It's terrible I know all to well. I'm getting myself back to therapy to see if we can work on the emotions. I'm desperate at this point. Hopefully, it will pass. I have to keep telling myself this to get through each day. I'm so bored as I don't know what to do with myself. I have a very good life, wonderful husband and son. Feels like someone came in during the night and ripped my life away from me. I hope you're feeling better soon! I understand and know what you're going through. It's tough and we'll get through it.
  11. I had my 11th session today. It's working on the depression for sure. However, I have total anhedonia and emotional numbness. Time will tell if it helps with that.
  12. I feel your pain! I've been in a total state of Anhedonia for months now. No pleasure, excitement, happiness or joy. I can see it's a beautiful day out but can't feel it. It's hell on earth.
  13. I'm doing deep tms right now. I'm in my second week. The dr's office and I worked really hard to get my insurance to pay for it. It was a long haul over these past 6 months. They finally caved after my case went to an outside appeal board, through the state. I was approved for 36 treatments. If you have insurance, see what their policy is with tms. While waiting, I was switching meds around and got much much worse depression and anxiety wise. I'm talking in the bed can't function at all bad. My siblings are driving me to my sessions. More insurances are paying for it now so you might luck out. Some dr's offer a discounted price if you pay up front and there's also medical loans if you want to go that route.
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