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Everything posted by Crassansass

  1. Don't have access to a pc right now. I try to read what I can and hope you're all doing well 

    1. BloomingCat


      Hi @Crassansass,

      I was really upset but feel better now, after getting it off my chest/working it out onto my status update & getting a comment from another user.

      Please take a look at it when you have time.

      Thank you & hope you are well~

    2. BloomingCat


      Oh man, I read & commented on your recent blog post.

      I hope you recover soon.

  2. Ngl... I think almost all of those was pure farce. People weren't honest, they maintained an image; perhaps only honest for the special favours they offered those within their circle. Personally modesty isn't as big of a deal everyone makes it, everyone deserves to feel and be comfortable and they don't deserve any less respect or rights because of their short shorts. Family matters; only difference now is that people decide they don't need to put up with abuse because their 'blood'. I don't think manners have every really gone out of style, however that could just be where i'm from. I just disagree with old- fashioned values especially considering how cultural they can be, you really can't say what true values are; in my opinion.
  3. I just want to experience what it is to be loved; not manipulated


    Please some one try to love me.

    1. Crassansass


      i do NOT remember making this update...

  4. Canadian. 3/4 english (and the tiniest bit of irish which still managed to make me a red head) and 1/4 Native. My nana's family left their reserve when she was a child which is really the only reason she eventually met my papa. When she drinks she always complains why she out of her seven siblings got stuck with the whitest of white grandchildren lol not one of us are really tan, and when we do we turn a dark dark red lol
  5. I'm literally splitting on a LadyBug. Loved it, hated it, now trying to 'win' it's affections again. WTH 

  6. Do we just hit the donate button for the website? or do you have a specific paypal or something?
  7. I took Remeron (in fact just changed today for trazadone). I also took it with prozac and perhaps it was a combination of the two that did seem to make a few hypomanic episodes I had a lot more- I guess pronounced? Like I was uppity then an hour later I was a danger to myself. However I had taken these two medications for at least a year before I really started to see a problem. Also the only reason my GP changed my Remeron to Trazadone was because of the weight gain side effect. I found too that the remeron helped for sleeping but I quickly grew a tolerance for it and I don't think they prescribe over 30 mg- so if you build a tolerance for that dosage it's kind of run it's course for you. But that's just my experience
  8. I usually just take a good few minutes throughout my day to massage my jaw and temples, it gives that immediate rush of relief and is (for me anyways) a good way to relax your body.
  9. I wish I had something positive to say; but I feel the same. Since my first hospitalization all of my records are told to everyone (whether it's needed or not) and watching how people treat you and jobs and schools; it's hard and feels sabotaging in a way. Most times people in the medical field make me feel like I'll never have a functioning life, that I'll always be dependent on the system cause I'm too fucked up. Sometimes I wish I just felt like I had to option to be successful.
  10. Told my Dad about The Bad Event. He was upset but not verbally. I want to severly hurt myself. I don't know why I told him. Somebody kill me

  11. I self harm for Other reasons, mostly because I find certain methods calming; whether I'm having a major breakdown or I feel Hypomanic, SH'ing always brings me back to a base point. That does not mean I condone it but the truth is that is what it does for me; be calming.
  12. I wonder what my bunny thinks about me
  13. Mom and Nana are fighting. They're both stupid and horrendous people. I hate them. I wish I could be nicer. 

    Lucky for them all I wanna do is die.

  14. Cloudy and cold today, Negatives in Celsius so I guess mid 20's in F, snow on the ground
  15. decided to drink. no good, almost done half of forty; and i have to get up in 3 hours. I'll pay for this
  16. Hey @crtclms The only benefit to my parents divorce is that i can still see my dad (although i totally understand the dirty hands comment.) I'm afraid to have children and one of the major reasons is the way your mom treats your niece. thank you for your support, you all mean everything to me most days
  17. I feel like i am going crazy and no one cares.

    I hate being a quiet BPD

    I hate being bpd

    I hate being alive.

    I wish i had a friend who could care 


  18. so sad and tired. barely got out of bed today. eventually went back. going back again soon. got up to reassure my dad and step mom that i didn't OD or something. kinda wish i did.

    Hope others are having a better moment than I.

  19. It is something i've thought about extensively; it would be such a huge loss as my dad's side of the family has already been disconnected so to lose my mom's too... Bah. I'm hoping to get some sort of therapy soon. @Will Maybe i'll consider more of what you said; some distance, some time apart. I dunno it's a little much for me to think about right now. Thank you for all your kind replies
  20. Thank you Wooster, this was really insightful for me to hear; it's given me a lot to think about.
  21. Sorry you're having a tough time with prozac, Hopefully the withdrawal will ebb quicker rather than slower
  22. Please, ANyone,


    Tell me i'm real

    1. fantod


      i hate that feeling, like you aren't there... i know it well.  Crass, you are real.  i hear you.

    2. Southern Discomfort

      Southern Discomfort

      You're most assuredly real.

  23. My immediate family is less than ideal when dealing with MI's but at least they're trying; except for my mom. Ever since i can competently remember she has been emotionally, mentally, and (possibly) physically abusive. Whether it's me being fat (ever since i was five), stupid, useless, beneath her, her reason my family fell apart, her reason to why her life isn't what is should be, ugly, death threats, throwing things at my brother and I- the whole nine yards. For my whole life i took it, because i was sure i deserved it (and to some extent still do) and because i was terrified of standing up for myself or speaking out against my family 'dynamic'. It eventually came to a head the first time i was hospitalized, when after that she started telling everyone within five feet of her of all my MI's and what happened. Now my family (aunts, uncles, grandparents) all don't talk to me much because they think i'm a lazy liar and a horrible burden to my mom for existing. I've been told that i was coddled too much as a child, how they can't believe what i put my family through (in regards to getting HELP) etc etc. She also uses me as a proof that she's a know all on dealing with a child who has an MI and thus all her friends and Co workers know about me and all my problems (a lot of them hate me and said she should've kicked me out after i went in the hospital.) Finally I confronted her, telling her how i remember my childhood what i felt etc. Every time i gave an example she minimized it, defended herself, and refused to see anything from my side and ultimately never apologized or felt apologetic in any way. Her emotional abuse continues although i've since moved out. I guess i'm wondering; after everything, i know can't have a real relationship with her and if i had the courage to have it my way i wouldn't even have her in my life. Is it wrong for me to be this resentful? This bitter? Am i wrong to want what i do? TL;DR I have Mommy Issues and can't get over them
  24. There could be a lot of reasons for your exhaustion, and the only way to properly find out is by going to the doctor. It could be Mono, Iron deficiency, thyroid issues, a bout of depression, etc. Any of these things are not immediately life threatening but they can escalate; i truly think it's best if you go see a doctor and until then just make sure you stay properly hydrated. Wish you all the best
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