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rish

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About rish

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  1. I completely recognise that this is due to the fact I am not well. I hate myself because I made someone feel so uneasy and unsafe but the only reason I did what I did was to protect myself. I felt unsafe. I have been dating a lot recently, to the point even my mum thinks I need help. I mostly meet these guys once but and once the convo goes where goes to you know what I just eventually feel too uncomfortable to meet them again. I reveal too much of myself. I should take a break from all of this. Friday last week I thought I put myself into a really risky situation. So the guy on the dating site claimed to be a movie producer / director. For some reason I developed a complete distrust towards this person after I met him. When I called the crisis team, apparently this was natural paranoia. I did my research on him he even said I could look him up so I did. I stopped talking to him because I had no faith in what he said. I did ask to prove who he was but he didn't want to and that's ok. So I disconnected the conversation. Started getting paranoid he will find me and kill me. I looked up his production house on the government website. He is legitimate cos his number is connected to the website. I told him I was sorry but he says he doesn't trust me now. He thinks I'm gonna stalk him. I feel awful I made him feel unsafe. I had no intention to. He can report me that's his right and he should do what makes him feel safe just as much as I. I feel bad. When I looked him up I even contacted the actors who he claimed to work with to ask them if that is him because I felt so unsafe. I feel like a criminal. I seriously feel this paranoia is related to schizophrenia but I have a new diagnosis of bipolar 1 instead of schizoaffective.
  2. I have read that paranoia can manifest in psychosis when the mania or depression is extreme? What if its not extreme?
  3. Yesterday I had my cartilage pierced. I also have a nose piercing aside from these
  4. Now the NHS consultant also agrees with my private consultant. It is bipolar. It is not schizophrenia, my original diagnosis that I had been given in 2010. I have talked with my pdoc and eventually I may be able to get of the antipsychotic and remain on the mood stabaliser, but since I am symptomatic right now I personally thought it is not such a good idea. While the private consultant believe it is rapid cycling (few episodes within a day), the NHS consultant feels its mixed type but who cares the treatment is essentially the same. I am just happy I finally have an answer after six long years. I am on 200mg slow release Tegretol in the morning .... 400mg slow release Tegretol and 5mg Aripiprizole in the evening.
  5. Hi I'm Rish, almost 30 year old female from London, UK. I got diagnosed with undifferentiated schizophrenia roughly 5 years ago. That has not been too much of a struggle on meds to be honest. I've made it into remission since that psychotic episode. Sometime back my meds were upped to 7.5mg Abilify due to depression. 5mg was controlling the psychosis pretty well for quite a few years. My pdoc and I tried a few months ago for the second time within 1 1/2 years to reduce meds from 7.5mg Abilify to 5mg Abilify. I got depressed again so had to have the meds upped again to 7.5mg two weeks ago. I recently saw my diagnosis on paper. It's schizoaffective, mixed type. I'm tired of not knowing how I'm going to be feeling one day to the next or even how I'm going to be feeling after half the day has passed. I don't know what the hell is triggering these episodes!
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