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About BorderlineWintergirl

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    Just Another Alice In Another Wonderland

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    I like to listen to sad music that makes me want to cry.

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  1. trying to find new docs is shit

    1. Wooster


      I totally feel you.

      Finally bit the bullet and got a new GP since we moved... but only because I was running out of meds. Got lucky and got a GP who said she felt fine about refilling my psych meds, so I'm off the hook for a psych prescriber until something needs to be changed.

      Still putting off finding a tdoc, though. *grumble grumble*

  2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dqMyh4ILIg Issues by Julia Michaels I saw this on youtube and immediately thought that it sounded like an anthem for bpd relationships.
  3. I was in a psych ward at a children's hospital. And it didn't really do anything for me, mainly because my problems at the time were more due to environment. Loved the people I met though. And most of the kids that were in with me came out and are doing great.
  4. So, I have absolutely zero respect for my mother (and for various other family members, but not important right now). Logically, I know that I should feel decently grateful towards her (for the past two years, because everything before 18 was required). But I don't. All I really feel towards her is loathing and disgust and pity. I hate the kind of person she is. She's weak and useless and will lay down to let people walk all over her. All I'm wondering is, is there anything I can do to maybe savage some positive feelings towards her? Because she's 50-something and not going to magically change her personality. I want those tv show mother-daughter relationships, but at this point I can't even tell if that's feasible. I wouldn't even be able to take any of her advice seriously. Relationship problems? She was divorced at my age and her current marriage is a communication nightmare. Child rearing? Her two kids are a fucking mess. Job issues? Literally everyone at her job takes advantage of her, even people who aren't her boss. Can't stand up for myself? Well, she let her niece volunteer her to plan a baby shower, dictated the theme colors, told people they couldn't help, and recently just upgraded the small 19 person party into 30+. I mean, how exactly am I supposed to respect that? Is there anything I can do considering she won't change?
  5. So my pregnant cousin fucking lied about and used me to get her fucking baby shower planned. And like I'm pissed. I wanna fucking cut her baby out of her stomach and make her eat it. Which like obviously I get that that's extreme and I'm not going to do and also she lives far away so ew driving. But like I wanna. Because birch fucking used me to manipulate other people. I wanna slit her throat.
  6. I would, but the only problem with that... I would emotionally abuse the fuck out a guy like that. No joke. I've always thought I'd either be an abuser or abusee. So like idk someone kill me now
  7. What treatment are you in??? Dude, my life makes me laugh and it shouldn't. So I feel you. But yeah, it's not love. I guess I don't want love... Like, I really only want constant attention from a single person? That's all. idgaf about what else happens
  8. omfg dude, you don't even understand. i'm at that point in my life where like idgaf if someone turns into a obsessive stalker and locks me in a basement. like just tell me you love me and want me and that i'm the most important thing to you and shower me in attention. after that i don't care what anyone would do to me. manipulate me, beat me, break me, kill me in the end. i don't even care.
  9. So any advice from people with BPD for how to start and keep a romantic relationship?? Because like, I know I need to start therapy to start getting all my shit together. But I met this really nice guy who liked and cared about me, and one thing went wrong and I was so over. But the second I let him go, I freaked and wanted him right back. And it's going to sound beyond stupid, but I feel like I need someone in my life that I care about. Someone that I want to be better FOR. Because I literally don't give a fuck about myself. Like if weren't for my grandparents, I wouldn't even be here. So like when people say 'oh you need to get better for yourself' it doesn't work for me. Because I don't care about myself. And who knows, maybe I shouldn't be putting all my hope into some other person who has no idea what they're getting into... I don't fucking know. I'm a mess.
  10. I don't have any experience with this personally, but I saw others posting about a kind of at home ECT they were using. Here's a link to it: You could try asking them?
  11. So one day when I was talking to my pdoc, and he was asking me if I was safe and if he needed to have me committed. And it got me worried because the last time I was in, it was when I was a minor and for a week. It cost my parents somewhere near $10,000. What I'm wondering is, if I'm involuntarily committed, do I have to pay for it? Like, can they force me to pay for treatment that I don't want? Because I literally can't afford that and don't want to push it off on anyone else.
  12. I'm not seeing anyone right now. But I just made an appointment for a pdoc for next week. And yeah, haven't been on meds for about a three years. I haven't had much luck until now for finding someone. And no therapy either. I've tried but it just never sat right with me... Do you think it would help though? And for the breathing part... I was tried that after it was once and I was just having aftershocks(?) and I think it almost caused me to have another one? Either that or the one I was having wasn't really over? I'm just super unsure about what happened to me...
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