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Butterflyx

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About Butterflyx

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  1. Its funny you compared yourself to a slug. I called myself a sloth today. I just lay all over things. And like you, I find once I actually get out I have a good time. It's the getting there and up that's the hard part. I just decided I would go meet a friend tonight and of course my husband makes me feel guilty for going. He fell asleep on the couch and when I asked him what he wanted to do for dinner/if he was going to sleep all night I also added that if he was, I was gonna go to friends house. He's like 'oh, so that's what this is about? Then just go.' It's annoying. And it made me change my mind. Sigh.
  2. I'm a constant flake. Friends reach out to me, make plans, and I always cancel or make an excuse not to go out. I don't get it. It's like I want to, but don't. I'd just rather be home. The thought of going out exhausts me. Or makes me anxious. I'm surprised people haven't given up on me yet. What's wrong with me.
  3. Thank you everyone for your replies. The logical side of me knows these things already. I shouldn't be playing with my meds. I saw my mom doing this growing up and saw what a yo-yo effect it was. My body has lost all sense of what homeostasis is and I can't imagine it's going to get back in line easily. I didn't take adderall today and have had that sluggish, tired, anxiety feeling but I've tried to sleep most of it off. I also started back on my vitamins today to help my body out. I'll be calling my pdoc first thing next week and until then, try to find a healthy way to control my anxiety.
  4. this is going to be long but i really need someones help, or advice, or experience. im an emotional wreck. so let me give some background information. Ive been on antidepressants since I was 15. I also suffer from anxiety. Ive been on zoloft before and effexor xr. I stopped effexor xr a few months back and switched to wellbutrin. Effexor was making me tired, fat, and just dulled me. It was then my pdoc suggested wellbutrin xr. From the start it was a hard medication for me to adjust to, but I really wanted it to work so I gave it a try. After a month or two I felt great. The side effects were gone, and I was happy. But about a month ago my anixety went haywire. I thought it was maybe making my adhd worse so I started taking adderall again. (I stopped for a short while because I had got up to 60mg a day and was wrecking my body). Adderall didnt help and if anything, my anxiety was worse. So about two weeks ago I stopped taking my wellbutrin. I was frustrated and Ive never tried to stop taking meds to see how Id feel. I wanted to get back in the gym, eating healthy, and give my body a chance to heal itself. I went about it all wrong. First I was just taking my ativan twice a day for my anxiety. It was working well. I didnt feel doped up or weird, just normal. And then I went back on my adderall. 5mg 3 times a day. Sometimes 10mg twice a day. Id feel great for a short time, and then crash and have to take more. So my doc suggested adding adderall xr. Tried that for a day or two but it made me extremely tired. So I tried taking it with a 5mg IR and then 5mg later in the afternoon. I still felt extremely strung out at the end of the day. Like I spent the day doing hard drugs. Id be so wired and anxious, so that then Id have to take my ativan at night. And now that is where Im at. I take adderall during the day, and around 5 start to feel terrible. Im anxious, nauseous, dehydrated even though ive been drinking water, and i feel like im coming down off crack. I come home, and take ativan. Im rx'ed 0.5mg but last night I took two and today I took 2 again, and then another one about 30 minutes ago. Im sick to my stomach over this. My mind doesnt know what the fuck is going on. Im up, and then Im down, and then at the end of the day Im mad at myself for doing this. I get home and feel like a zombie. I cant enjoy being with my husband, or my dog, or anything. Im so wired and fucked up and then I just want to cry. I want to stop. I dont want any shit in my system anymore. Tomorrow (like today) Im telling myself I wont take the adderall. Its just easier said then done, especially when I wake up and Im tired and sluggish, and just feel on edge because theres still adderall in my system. So i take one, and then feel better. And say ok, Ill take my next dose, I feel the crash coming on. Im scared. How do I do this? How do I detox? I know last time I stopped adderall cold turkey it was awful. I was a disgusting, tired mess. I was anxious. I had no motivation. To add it in, Im scared that if I stop my ativan at the same time Im going to be putting my body in double shock. I have been taking ativan on a daily basis up until recently, so Im hoping there wont be withdrawals, but I also know I need it for the anxiety - but I dont want to get dependent on it. What do I do? How do I get through this? Please someone help me. Im a manic mess. My husband got me flowers last night with a beautiful note, just because, and I cried because I feel like a worthless piece of shit. I just want to be healthy. Please help me. Im desperate and at the end of my rope
  5. Has anyone else experienced this? I no longer get the benefits and only the side effects. Irritability, less focus, strung out feeling, scattered. It use to work great for me. I could get things done, be attentive. Now it just takes a toll on me no matter how low a dose. I took 5mg three times today and just feel like shit. Is it possible this drug isn't working for me anymore? I've been rxed the xr too but don't take it because it makes me tired.
  6. Usually an expiration date just indicates it won't be as effective after its expiration date. At least, to my knowledge.
  7. So my doctor started me on adderall xr 15mg in the morning. Today is day 3 and I'm a zombie. It's making me incredibly tired and sluggish. I feel like Im made out of lead and I can't get ANYTHING done, even less than normal. My work and school work are suffering. Is this normal? She advised 5mg adderall IR in the afternoon but when I did that the other day, I felt speedy. I'm so frustrated. I can't focus on anything or have a complete thought, and meds aren't helping. I'm ready to say fuck it and just stop everything.
  8. dont be scared of the wellbutrin. It can (and did in me) cause agitation and anger.. but it subsided after i was on it for over a month
  9. I guess Im nervous because its my first "cocktail". Also - I havent been handling the adderall great. I feel like someone chewed me up and spit me back out. i feel like crap.
  10. Im currently on wellbutrin xr 150mg once a day, lorazepam as needed, and adderall 10mg 3 x a day. Ive been very anxious and scatter brained lately and I think its due to the wellbutrin. Its also aggrivating my ADHD. Ive noticed I cant complete a thought or task, and my adderall isnt working as well. I can take 10mg and an hour later, be yawning, and I feel confused. Doc doesnt think the wellbutrin is making my anxiety worse and like someone else said in another of my posts, she thinks wellbutrin and the adderall should be working well together. We are adding Buspar and she added adderall xr 20mg. She said its safe to take them all together.. but Im nervous. The idea is to take my wellbutrin in the AM, with 20mg adderall xr, and buspar. Then a 5 or 10mg IR adderall later in the day. Does this sound ok? Im petrified of taking the wellbutrin and adderall xr together in the AM. Any advice? Any experience with adderall xr? ETA: I wonder if I should introduce one thing at a time. Like start the buspar, stop the adderall, and go from there.
  11. I've noticed if I take them at the same time I feel really wound up and then 2 hours later it's like I never took any adderall at all. I read somewhere that it's because how they act. Wellbutrin stabilizes dopamine where as adderall causes rapid release of it. I guess it's like the wellbutrin basically inhibits it's effect. bah. Can't wait to see my pdoc tomorrow.
  12. Switching/Titrating is a bitch no matter what, IMO. My pdoc told me to just take my lorazepam when I was coming off of effexor. It helped some, but lorazepam makes me depressed. go figure. I dont think you're imagining it. Best of luck, hang in there.
  13. Is it possible the wellbutrin is cancelling out my adderall? I think that is why Ive been feeling so anxious/flighty. I feel like the wellbutrin exacerbates my ADHD, and makes my adderall not work. Am I imagining this?
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