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About Devotchka

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    Antisocial Lepidopterist

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    Writing, dance, photography

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  1. Hi everyone. Back on these boards after being gone awhile. So, my anxiety hasn't been an issue in some time - I haven't needed an Rx of Ativan in years - I've weaned off the Gabapentin about 6 months ago (it gives me weird breast pain) and I've managed to deal with things via self-management for awhile. Took years and years. I have PTSD due to past child abuse and the death of my son seven years ago this June. However. I'm in a live-in relationship with a fellow bipolar who is just beginning to manage his illness, and he's doIng it because he knows he must in order to be in
  2. Worked out my upper body today - free weights and Pilates band thingies. Yesterday I walked for an hour and a half in the forest.
  3. I miss it, too. I was gone for a long time as well, and loved chat. And could use it myself right about now. A pox on the asshats that made it necessary to take it down...
  4. Found a DBT-based couples therapist in my area. Suggested said couples therapy today to highly therapy resistant BF. And he is willing to discuss! Ate breakfast.
  5. Also, perhaps you haven't hit the right FORM of therapy. Have you tried CBT? It's supposed to be quite effective for anxiety. Just an idea. I know that the one size fits all approach just doesn't cut it for most. Plain old therapy is pointless for my bipolar s/o. We are going to give DBT a shot because of its purported effectiveness with our flavor MI. Good luck!
  6. Yes, you're quite right - i only take pure CBD in crystal form that has absolutely no THC in it, because i am actually allergic to it - it makes me quite psychotic, quite literally. I have schizoaffective disorder as well (which i just realized i need to put in my signature). The person i get it from gets it for himself to deal with his crippling anxiety, and has it available for people withdrawing from drug addiction as well. I asked about the THC content specifically and it has none. I feel it immediately. I can tolerate about 5% in medical grade formulas. One definitely has to be sure of o
  7. My son died of an accidental overdose, so i understand the terror you went through. Thank you. It's been seven years this month, sometimes it seems unreal to me that it's been that long already...he was 19. It was methadone, a tainted batch he got on the street. Wow, let's see - the last time i was hypo? God i can't even remember. I mean i get anxiety still - that and depression due to the stuff with my boyfriend. So all the fun stuff :/. I still get mania on occasion, just super-mild when the depression bounces back for a minute - moreso when i was on Wellbutrin, so i recently quit t
  8. Dorkpixie - thank you so much! Oh, man - i suppose most of my life, really - but i've had the diagnosis for about six years. I got it in the hospital dealing with depression after the death of my son. It made so much sense! Explained so many things, so many years of suffering. You have fibro as well? I have it too - or rather i have what they think is fibro as a result of chronic Lyme. Meh, who knows. The end result is pretty much the same. I have Hashimoto's as well, so i totally understand the issues with exercise. It can be so hard! Add a good bout of depression on top of that, and it's a
  9. Without the proper meds-cocktail and communication with your doctor, it's obviously incredibly rough - i had to suffer for a long time before i finally got on the right cocktail. It's been a couple of years since i've rapid-cycled, but at the time, i learned to understand what my triggers were; alcohol, relationship stress, and anniversary of a certain death all were bad triggers for me. They still are, but with my meds being in proper working order, the swings are far less intense - and i rarely drink now (if i do, it's in moderation). Also, i learned that i have a very bad reaction to THC. M
  10. *Dives in headfirst* So, i haven't been around in quite some time - i've been feeling stable for a long time, meds have been on track, etc.. and life has been so very busy. I've moved in with my boyfriend, i'm back working in the care-giving field with a young schizophrenic boy, i'm doing photography again (!), etc, etc...and even doing more writing. Boy, things are kind of slowed down around here, eh? Anyway, though, it's not like things have been all roses. The Man is also bipolar, and isn't in a stable place - just started treatment just a few months ago, and his episodes see
  11. It's been 3 days since i've binged and purged!!! Being here and talking to you guys, having my boyfriend to be accountable to (as well as his love and support, obviously), the meds,and being careful to eat very healthy and small portions has all worked to curb the urge...i'm just going to continue to take it one day at a time. It hasn't been very easy, as i'm constantly nauseous every time i eat, even, at times, when i don't; but i'm determined not to get back on that mad, screaming Hell-donkey. It seems that WHAT i eat really makes a difference, as well. Staying away from fatty, greas
  12. That is such a good thing to hear, Melissaw. I thought i was recovered for years at a time, then went back to it, twice. You can imagine how terribly discouraging that feels. Today, i went to my psych-nurse and she helped me get on some Prozac and reinforced that i needed to be on Topamax, which seems to keep me B/P free. I just started taking it again, she says it will take a bit to kick in, but i have hope that my support system and willpower will pick up the slack in the interim. I haven't purged today, so that's somethiing!
  13. Gear, darling, Gear! <3 Thanks for the kind replies, Melissaw and empty (and of course, Gear!). I came clean to the b/f last night, and he was extremely understanding and worried and gentle about it. He knows about my history with Bulimia/anorexia, and actually asked if the issues we've been having have triggered (argh, that bloody word) me at all. No, didn't ask, went ahead and said he knew it was a factor. Promised to continue to work harder at said issues, which to his credit, he has been anyway. It's not been just him, and it's not like i can blame everyone and everything ar
  14. Told the b/f about the return of extracurricular bingeing/purging activies. Didn't kill me. 

  15. So, it's been awhile - i've been away from the boards for quite awhile, hiding out, going inpatient, getting fired, moving, blah blah blah... Two days ago, i started purging again. After Two. Fucking. Years. I've been stressed out. Two jobs - by day, i'm caregiver to a schizophrenic teenager - at night, i bartend fulltime. This week will be my last week bartending full-time; my caregiving job is going full-time, so i'm going to one night a week slinging booze, which is a huge relief. You'd THINK this would be a huge relief, and it is. But, i've gained about 20 lbs due to meds
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