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Hopelessly Broken

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About Hopelessly Broken

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    Human-like zombie

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    trans male

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  1. I have tried it, and personally it had no effect on me other than to make me more of a numb zombie like the vast majority of psych meds do. It is worth adding that I was put on it for suicidality and not MDD as a whole. It did nothing for my suicidality, and besides the above, it did nothing and was more like a sugar pill. I took it both as an adjunct and as monotherapy, same statement applies to both.
  2. You're replying to me as if I am not also treatment resistant. You've experienced one thing I have not, you know what it is like to not have severe depression. I do not. Mine has never lifted ever since I developed it. Yes, it is true that healthy people only experience suffering intermittently. But a spade is a spade, and the way you communicate about your affliction impacts it. If something ought not need a label, there is no reason to give it one to magnify or reduce it in attempt of gaining validation. Hence why I said it is futile to compare suffering. Yes, it is one of the reasons we are more likely to kill ourselves. It is not however a guarantee that we will. Suffering is a guarantee. I am not trying to undermine your suffering. Merely suggesting that you reconsider how you communicate and think about it, and stop adding fuel to the fire before you burnout.
  3. Plus, I'll be honest, I didn't choose to be brought into this world or to endure the lifetime of abuse and other traumas I have, nor is it my choice as to when and how I die, but it is my choice to not expose myself to further abuse in some scenarios, and I apply that choice when it comes to disengaging with such a mental health system. I won't subject myself to that anymore, I don't deserve to be treated like that and it is my right to walk away from it whether people approve of my choice or not.
  4. More like frozen, but I won't bother going into that. Its not something that can be understood unless you experience it yourself for the same reason I do. Yes, it is partially because I have tried so many (all the ones available in my country) and none of them did squat for my mental illnesses, and most of them had side effects that made things worse for me. Then there is the whole mental health professionals won't go near me anymore because of my history and what contributes to my mental illnesses. I am just a lost cause and a huge burden that has too high of a severity of illness, and too much persistence to be taken seriously. You can't tell the difference between me and my illnesses, and I'm still here, right? That's all they give a damn about.
  5. They might sound amoral and ridiculous, but they are also true factually. Morality is a personal thing, not necessarily factual. Suffering is also a personal affair, furthermore it is a human affair. Every single one of us experiences suffering and it is futile to compare yours or to label it as something other than part of the human condition.
  6. I think you have mistaken accepting it with paying ill-thought mind, Ion. Paying ill-thought mind is the exact opposite of accepting it, because you are not getting on with what can be changed, instead you are judging it to try to come to a conclusion as to why it is there, and trying to rationalise it away. Imposing your will upon it. Accepting it is simply accepting you have depression, which is an incurable illness that you can only do your best to manage. End of story, life goes on. If you don't let it go on, it is not accepting. It is putting up with it.
  7. You know, there's a very large difference between putting up with something and actually dealing with it. But no, nothing fancy makes me this way.
  8. Correct, I am not on any meds and haven't been for a long time. How do I cope, I don't. I'm just used to it and have been conditioned to tolerate it. Almost impossible not to be when its been there your whole life. Plus, as I mentioned somewhere else in this thread, I am very stubborn and nihilistic. Its not like I'm not impacted, I'm just impacted differently than most people. Don't know how else to put it. You could say my severe and never leaving dissociative symptoms are "coping", but to be quite frank I think coping is a made up word that only applies to mentally healthy people. I don't choose to be that way or any of the ways I am, its just how my childhood trauma made me.
  9. I never had the chance to be any of those, so I can't speak to those things specifically. But I gave up on the idea that it would go away and that there will be a time I don't have it anymore a very long time ago now. Perhaps for me that "came easier" as a lot of ignorant people tend to tell me, because my illnesses literally developed with me and became a part of me because of it, but it was something I had to do regardless. Just like I had to give up finding a reason to be here, because in my case there isn't one, and there is no use in wasting away trying to find one. Especially not when it makes tolerating my existence even harder. That's not to say you should or that you have to reach that point. Most people don't and are able to see the worth in it when they come out the other side. For me, I don't believe that will happen, and it isn't just because of my mental illness. And on a personal level, there's no worth in my existence at all, I have given up on searching for that too. There's worth in it to others, but that's them, not me. There's always hope out there, they say. I think that there comes a point where believing that is delusional, but that's my opinion. I have learnt to exist without it.
  10. I'm not sure if you were referring to me specifically, but FWIW, I am not a she.
  11. I don't use it because it makes no sense, but it doesn't bother me either and neither does the purple "thanks" one.
  12. No, its fine. I agree with you on the heart to "like" things and the dipshit coming across as a way to avoid being an adult and admitting that you disagree with what's being said, or admitting whatever it is otherwise and using it as a cover up. Hence immature.
  13. No, I mean the one that looks like a dipshit that people love using on my contributions to the boards. Or at least it looks more like a dipshit than a "confused" to me. I suspect it will be used if I explain my picture, so I'd rather not explain it. You did nothing wrong. And no, it does not upset me. Its just immature and that's it.
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