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Hopelessly Broken

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About Hopelessly Broken

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    Human-like zombie

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    trans male

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  1. I'd rather not discuss the suicide prevention side of it here. I don't want to break the rules or offend anyone they work for. I have a lot of barriers, the largest being legal and financial. Legal as in policy and laws where I live are far from trans friendly. Healthcare is very limited and almost impossible to access. Testosterone has done what its capable of doing, if you get what I mean. But its not about me.
  2. No. I didn't. I knew they wouldn't give a shit. I did tell the unit manager and the response was at least we gave you somewhere. Psych ended up saying it was a waste me even being there because my suicidality is solely a gender dysphoria issue, and they have no knowledge yet alone expertise in that, or any trans issues. That's nice, why did it take 4 months to come to that conclusion? Now I just play by the useless suicide prevention for the sole purpose of staying out of abusive and discriminating hospitals, knowing full well that it does nothing to reduce my suicidality and is just adding fuel to the fire because the gender dysphoria is being neglected. I personally need to continue transitioning and that is the only form of actual suicide prevention for me, but sure, make me exist amongst laws and society that stops me from being who I am, and expect it to be done in a healthy manner. Makes total sense.
  3. I have this problem too, and it sucks a lot. I've copped a lot of abuse, harassment, discrimination etc in the higher levels of care and I refuse to go back because of it. Last IP they refused to even give me a room or a bed, I had to stay in a hallway. Nurses and staff were always misgendering and deadnaming me, if not being downright verbally abusive. I've been physically and chemically restrained. They do nothin but stare at me in there anyways, and violate what little human rights I have till I have none. No one ever speaks to me other than to misgender, deadname or abuse me. Never see the psych once until I'm being discharged. Have to say that outpatient is no better and its a large part of why I have no treatment. They are all clueless and I'm sick to death of having to educate them. My transness, specifically body is highly rooted in my disordered thinking and behaviour, they don't seem to give a crap and I'm tired of it. Its been years since I received any treatment.
  4. Yes, that is what I meant by it is better to give him the chance to learn things by himself. Autistic people are very analytical and we are very good at researching things, especially how and why things work. It is our way of navigating life and the world. That is also what I meant by capitalising on the strengths to make it easier to face the challenges and deficits. That's what I do when I ask for assistance, to develop awareness of my strengths and how to use them in my life so I can function better.
  5. I must be honest and say I hope I'm not dismissing your experience CrazyRedhead, I never had real parents who cared about me so I don't have any experience myself with a parent-child relationship. If its worth any salt, though, I personally don't seek out any professional treatment for my ASD either, but its not because I refuse to and don't recognise the challenges it creates, its because it isn't really professional at all. When the vast majority of professionals are not autistic themselves, it is hard to get assistance that is appropriate because they don't understand how my brain functions and a lot of the time, couldn't care to listen. Not to say your son has experienced the same, but I have been abused by so called autism specialists also, so I don't trust them or their claims of being specialised. The whole industry of autism specialists really ruined me and my life as a child, and I'm left to try and build some life and authenticity for myself as a result of it. I'm very wary of anyone who claims to help autistic people. So I stay away from it for my own sake. If I were to seek out services for autistic related things, it would be in the context of providing me the strategies and skills to use what I was given naturally to make it through life each day, not necessarily to "treat" me, if that makes any sense. Do you know if your son has much awareness of his challenges and how they apply to his life, or if he would be interested in developing such skills as opposed to seeking traditional professional help? Maybe that could be of use to him, again, if he chooses to seek it out himself, because it will only really benefit if he chooses it himself.
  6. That's his choice. Not your responsibility to reap the consequences of that choice. I'm glad you don't tell him he has no common sense, but you did write that in your OP nonetheless. Its good that you look out for him, but I have to agree with jt in regards to life mostly being a learning experience. He can only walk on his own 2 feet by being given the space and chance to in the way that is possible for him, whether it meets anyone else's or society's standards or not. Its his life. I can only speak to my own life, but trust me, it is much harder for me to get a grip on life when others are expecting me to do it in a particular way instead of giving me the space to learn how to in my own way that is applicable to me.
  7. I'm unsure what exactly you're asking, to be quite frank. I can't tell what the issue/concern is. He seems to be having standard executive function issues that most autistic adults have. The key with those is to learn how to capitalise on the strengths in a way that can help with those. In my opinion, he should be learning how to do that independently or being encouraged to seek out assistance on his own terms to develop the capacity to do that instead of falling back on you. It sounds like maybe you are too attached to him? He is an adult and you should be treating him like one. You probably didn't mean it, but you made him sound like he is lacking common sense when you said that he is having issues with things that are common sense to neurotypical adults. He isn't neurotypical, so it isn't wise to compare him to a neurotypical adult. I wouldn't appreciate it very much if a neurotypical person told me that I lack common sense, because they don't have any insight into my brain at all.
  8. Perhaps discuss it with your therapist, he will be able to tell you if its appropriate for you at this stage or not according to his observations. But in general, theoretically it doesn't hurt to have psychoeducation about how trauma impacts the body and the parts of the nervous system it effects for your own understanding, with or without therapeutic input.
  9. Not new from what I know. Especially not in the realm of trauma therapies. As far as I know, polyvagal theory and polyvagal exercises are used in the stage of trauma therapy where releasing trauma happens, as a somatic experiencing type therapy to learn better control/regulation of survival responses and physical defense mechanisms, as well as to increase the window of tolerance, especially within the body specifically. I'm nowhere near that stage and wouldn't go near such things with a 10 foot pole, so I don't know much about it otherwise.
  10. Do not watch this video if you are eating or drinking, as it may cause you to choke. Don't watch around children, because it says fuck a lot. I don't know how to make it show in video form on a phone, sorry, but the link should work. Unfortunately I'm too apathetic to truly laugh, and I just choked on my ice coffee. https://youtu.be/Vqbk9cDX0l0
  11. No. Coffee nor caffeine have any effect on my mental health at all, I do drink it a lot but I am very tolerant of both, so they basically do nothing to/for me at all.
  12. I wouldn't go as far as to say I hate it, but I do consider it rather trite and empty. It may seem strange, but I actually prefer it when people say nothing or something along the lines of that they heard me/are listening. Most of the time, I don't seek understanding because I'm only kicking myself by doing that. I know that in order to truly understand me, you have had to have gone through trauma yourself and I obviously wouldn't wish that on anyone. I guess for me it is more about being permitted to freely communicate than it is about receiving sympathy and empathy. I appreciate it when others give me the opportunity to have a voice about something that effects my life and wellbeing, and to have a voice at all because I spent so much of my life without one, and often still do, because of trauma. It is very empowering for me to be "allowed" to have my say and to portray what I need to in the given moment in time. It allows me to have more of a sense of control over something that I had none over when it happened and still don't in regards to my trauma symptoms. Its also important in the context of assertive communication about my feelings and things I was taught to avoid when I was a victim, for me that allows me to change my mindset from being a powerless victim to being a survivor, having more appreciation and acceptance towards surviving daily life and also having willingness to speak openly and authentically about what ails me. Just being granted the space and opportunity to even speak at all is something I have come to learn to appreciate greatly, and is something I am always thankful for. A lot of people have no idea how alienating not having a voice is, and how difficult it is to move on from after so many years. In the moment I often find it difficult to thank the people who give me the space and opportunity to have a voice of my own about my experiences, but I am, and always will be, because it is beyond words how empowering it is to be provided that.
  13. Trophy, the main part of mental illness is that it causes the person to not be able to deal with those things as well as a person who isn't mentally ill, so even if there are external stressors that contribute to their illness, they will not be able to deal with them and move on unless they receive effective mental healthcare. Something like an external stressor could lead a person with clinical depression or an anxiety disorder, among the vast majority of other mental illnesses to suicide. The whole point of treatment is to prevent suicide, not lead people to it. I know this well, because I am unfortunately dealing with it myself, and have been for quite a while now. The result has been very unpleasant and a huge toll on my already poorly mental health.
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