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About Terrorisums24

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  1. I just recently came out a mental ward like literally less than a week ago. I socked my mom in the jaw after a while of putting up with her abuse, as she was calling me a child molester, psycho, bastard, crazy, gay, etc. But since she played the fucking victim card on me like the fucking cunt she is, she got away with it and I got in trouble. I'm 17 and three quarters and I've already been to mental hospitals three times already. That is NOT fucking normal! I am a fucking psycho permavirgin that no girl likes anyway. I am having thoughts of murder and suicide right now and I feel as if there is no possible way out of this state without CONSTANT fucking medications, medication switching, counselor visits, Doctor visits, hospital visits, and all kinds of other shit for the rest of my fucking life. How did I get this fucking curse? I'm diagnosed as schizoaffective, and nothing I have is ever completely fixable. Instead, I have to take 10 pills a day (3 in the morning, 7 at night) in order to create an illusion as if it's been fixed. What's next? Hearing voices, seeing things that are not there? Delusions? Full blown psychosis? Who's not to say that I'm still just in the beginning stages and am just a few years away from actually experiencing all of the positive effects of schizophrenia? All I'm asking is, what are some good outlets that I can do (like cool hobbies that I can take up) when I'm having thoughts of bringing an AR-15 to a high school? Such as something like writing certain fictional stories or something. If that's a good idea, then how should I write it (as in instructions on how to write stories, since I diont really like to read books). And note that choking down pills doesn't fucking count, so don't be a smart ass like those people on experience project, please!
  2. Agreed on the last part. I'm an atheist myself.
  3. ​And also I have Schizophreniform Disorder, which according to a quick Google search, is one of the mental disorders that Ashkenazi Jews are commonly diagnosed with. I talk fast and mumble a lot if that has to do with anything. ​I don't think talking fast and mumbling a lot has anything to do with religion. ​But isn't jewish also an ethnicity (or a group ethnicities)?
  4. ​And also I have Schizophreniform Disorder, which according to a quick Google search, is one of the mental disorders that Ashkenazi Jews are commonly diagnosed with. I talk fast and mumble a lot if that has to do with anything.
  5. ​Thank you, I was looking for that kind of answer! You sound cool! Oh and btw, since I live in the south, bigotry is always about, if you know what I mean.
  6. And sorry if the pictures are so large, I wish I could find a way to minimize the photo size.
  7. Okay, so here I am constantly time over time again being called "Jewish" because of the way that I look? I have dark hair and blue eyes, and that's what everyone asking me if I'm Jewish is supposedly for. Some people even asked me if I carry a little drawstring bag filled with gold around my neck (hence the term "Jew Gold"). Some people even made holocaust jokes about the way that I look. I'm sorry if I posted so many pictures, but I just want you to look through them and see if you can find some Jewish in me.
  8. I'm starting to get to where I don't even know why I go over there. I think the reason they're hostile towards me is the way I act so dorky sometimes and weird. I may have aspergers, but all the doctors in the past that I've seen are stupid and said that they saw every sign of it in me, but still isn't something they diagnosed me with. I believe another reason they're hostile towards me is because they like to get high and drunk, and when they do, they start acting up. Another reason is because they think I'm weak. And yes, I drew first. Jesse went over to my house with a knife that I had gave him and threatened me with it after I had nearly attacked him. I wasn't afraid and told him to get off my yard afterwards.
  9. It's not really just the marijuana, it's that there are two guys that hang out there that I like. It's just the few others that go over there that I don't like. Fuck I hate them.
  10. So I go nextdoor to smoke weed and do other things with my neighbors. I enjoy smoking weed, but they also always make fun of me and try to fight me. I've been in various fights and one time been punched in the nose, and another time I pulled a knife on one of them. I find it like a leash going over there. How do I get rid of my personal leash and stop going over there?
  11. When I was a child, before my first dog Scooby died, I remember it being a good dog, but wasn't so good towards people who she didn't know. She bit one of my dad's friends on the arm and made it bleed bad, but he decided not to have it put down for my sake. I remember one night when I was sick, my mother had put her on the couch with me, and I remember her sleeping next me when I was coughing badly and she made me feel better. Dogs can be great family members or pets (if you're sticking with that term). I think the reason why they grow up to be monsters is either because they were raised wrong or because of mental illness that some dogs (varies breed-by-breed, some breeds for example are more prominently mentally ill, while others aren't very riddled to such disorders) may contract, if they're not seen by a pediatrician when they're still little to look for any organic brain problems when they start acting vicious. Dogs are just like some of us on here, we can be good at times, but when someone fucks with us, mistreats us or is an intruder to us, we get really defensive. Sometimes we might just go out of our minds and the violence comes out and you harm the people that love you the most. I consider myself strikingly similar to way some pitbulls are.
  12. Hello there. My name is Terrorisums24, and I am a former hacker/website creator. Over the years, things have gotten bad for me. For example when I was 11 or 12, I used to create websites, viruses and tried to get into hacking, now I'm no longer good like that with computers (though I do retain some of my original knowledge, it's just that I don't bother with it anymore). I also used to be into art, and would draw realistic self-portraits of myself by looking into a mirror. It wouldn't actually take me that long to draw a good photo either. Now I can't draw that good anymore, whereas drawing used to be one of the biggest things I was good at. Not anymore. I'm not good at anything now besides being lazy and not doing anything. I guess I'm still kinda good with computers, but it's not like I do anything productive with them. I want to start making money off the internet, such as through swagbucks, maybe make a new, but this time, live web website (such as a one that doesn't use .yolasite.com or something like that), and many more. Now while I'm not as bad off as I used to be in middle school (7th-8th grade, 6th grade was awesome however, because I was still at the age to where I did everything and was even playing basketball for churches and did flag football for my school), since I've now started good relations with my mother (I'm 17 now), but I could still use some enlightenment. I never was a big fan of school though. I remember one time when I was 11 or 12, I had literally crashed my home computer with a virus that I had made myself from notepad. It was incredible. I also used to be into anime and video games. Not anymore. So there's my little introduction, I just would like to know some advice on how I could go back to that (BECAUSE I WANT TO SOOOOO BAD!)
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