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aquarian

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About aquarian

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  1. Today's New Yorker cartoon...not a meme:
  2. Resurrecting this to say that I've recently been reading poetry by Jane Hirshfield and it might be something you'd be interested in, if you haven't already read her work, especially her book Lives of the Heart. I mean, there is sadness and loneliness, but there's a lot of nature and beauty and food for thought. Now, I'm not sure if Mark Doty's poetry in general would be to your taste; however, who can resist "A Green Crab's Shell"?
  3. Unless of course you choose "password" as your password (which technically is 8 or more characters). Apparently there really are people that choose such terrible passwords. Like "1234", etc. Really makes me wonder about the human race's long term prospects come to think of it.
  4. I've been on various doses of remeron and effexor since 2002. The vivid technicolor dreams/nightmares have not yet abated and it's been 18 years. I mean, sometimes the dreams will be boring-weird or totally banal but quite vivid. And a lot of the time it's me abusing people, people abusing me, long torture sequences, apocalyptic storylines (that's probably the most frequent recurring theme), being killed, killing others, etc. etc. Usually pretty gory. I have woken myself up a few times trying to scream but it's been awhile since that happened. Usually I'll have multiple dream plots in one night and some will be "uncomfortable" and some will be banal. So there can be a mix. I confess I recently got around to watching Tiger King on netflix over the course of a few nights. (The topic has always been a fascination of mine.) But anyways, boy did that lead to some "fun" dreams being torn apart by tigers and lions roaming around my house and seeing my loved ones ripped apart too. It was all part of a bigger storyline. I forget most of the details as usual. Weird thing is, my dreams and nightmares never seem to bother me much in my waking life. I guess I'm fortunate that way? I mean, even when I wake up from these dreams in the middle of the night, usually I just roll over and go back to sleep, knowing that I'm probably just going to get thrown back into another bad dream. If it's the morning/afternoon and I'm sleeping in and the dreams are extra special bad, I'll occasionally get up earlier than planned rather than face going back to sleep and undergoing more but that's pretty rare. So for me, the vivid dreams have never gone away.
  5. Just wanted to say, as to your example, I'm female, several visible (obviously self-inflicted) scars scattered over my body, and it has not been an issue that has come up in a significant way during "sexy good times". It may come up, but usually not "in the moment". Maybe because most of mine are on my arms so they're already usually seen long before the question of clothes coming off? I have seen scars on a guy once that I can recall, on the inside of a guy's arm who I chatted with. I think I asked him about them. So long ago and my memory is crap. IIRC, I haven't seen any scars on guys during "sexy good times" other than from surgery/accidental injury, stretch marks, etc. Then again, I was/am fairly dysfunctional when it comes to men/drinking at certain times in my life so there are blackouts and crazy shit that went down and lord only knows what I may have missed picking up on being so absorbed in my own self-destructive habits. I have been with men who've dealt with their own various issues/demons. I mean, people are human (or at least most are). So I've found most people can kind of relate, some more than others. It's people that seem totally "normal" that tend to freak me out. I always think they must be hiding something because who gets through life that unscathed? So I don't trust the "normalcy". I'm also afraid I might rub off on the "normal" people and ruin them somehow. I would say the "normal" people I speak of that freak me out are a very tiny minority. And sometimes if you scratch the surface a little bit and get to know them better, they turn out to be not-so-normal after all and that's reassuring to me in a weird way. But anyways, back to sexy times...I was just trying to say that at least for me (back before I became a recluse), it's not been a mood killer or deal breaker or anything. Strangers who see my scars (like doctors and nurses and people who draw blood) don't even bother commenting on them for the most part or asking probing questions anymore. They used to back in the late 90s/early 2000s. Maybe because I was younger? Or maybe medical professionals have seen it all now and it's more common or normalized or something? Kind of weird in a way now that I think about it...how the scars no longer seem to raise any more eyebrows or prompt any more questions than having a cute butterfly tattoo would. Or maybe my scars look so old they figure it's ancient history so why bother commenting? Sorry, turned into "all about me". Not sure this was helpful at all in fact.
  6. You don't necessarily have to meet a blue book listing in order to be approved for SSDI and/or SSI or even have a disorder that is listed in the blue book. Another link that explains the determination process and paths to approval/denial: https://www.ssa.gov/oidap/Documents/Social Security Administration. SSAs Sequential Evaluation.pdf
  7. Not sure if this qualifies as a meme: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8218703/Artist-digitally-creates-books-shelf-reveal-hidden-coronavirus-message.html
  8. I still have hope. It's the only thing that's gotten me through this presidency--looking forward to the next presidential election. That and the knowledge that the majority of American voters did not vote for Trump, plus the knowledge that the ones that held their noses and did vote for him (for the sake of judicial appointments, anti-choice stance, etc.)* have had to suffer along with the rest of us through this presidency. My older sister (age 40) is actually going to vote for "whoever's not Trump" in the next election and her politics over the years have either been "don't care about voting at all" for long stretches of time or leaning libertarian and fiscally (but not socially) conservative and randomly making voting a priority. I'm not sure if she even voted in the last presidential election or who she would have voted for if she did. All I know is at this point, she's pissed about Trump's impact on the economy/stock market/financial markets/whatever (among other things) and wants "any functioning adult" in the whitehouse asap. And she's being vocal about it when she normally doesn't really vent about presidential politics. This gives me hope too. *There seems to be a segment of the population that likes Trump and will vote for him no matter what (I believe Hillary Clinton called them the "basket of deplorables"). Now, I don't condone what she said necessarily and even she said she was making a gross generalization at the time she used that phrase**. But anyways, those people may be happy as clams right now I suppose, but I hope the ones that held their noses and voted for Trump are suffering *just a little bit* inside these days and are really thinking deep down about if that vote was worth it in the end. Maybe it was for them, maybe not. ** https://time.com/4486502/hillary-clinton-basket-of-deplorables-transcript/
  9. My mom forwarded me a coronavirus humor email and it led me to these bumper stickers (among other things): (The first one really captures my mood/outlook these days)
  10. https://laughingsquid.com/wheres-waldo-social-distancing-edition/
  11. My uncle told me this one a few weeks ago and I just did not get it at all. The way he said it, first I was thinking blood Type O and couldn't figure out what blood type had to do with anything. Then something finally clicked in my head and I figured out it was "typo" and not "Type O". But even once I realized it was probably "typo", I thought it was some kind of depressing metaphorical existential thing. Like the rabbit was saying, I feel like I'm a typo in this world. But then I thought, rabbits are pretty "normal" animals in the grand scheme of things. I could see maybe a porcupine or skunk maybe thinking he or she was a "typo" of god/nature/evolution whatever. But a rabbit? Finally I had to ask my uncle to tell me what the joke was and then of course it was obvious. So I asked him to tell the joke to my mom and she got it right away. I think maybe my mind is weird?
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