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rainyday107

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About rainyday107

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  1. Are you on Extended Release? If so, perhaps you could switch to regular release and take it at night? i also wondered if it is possibly your Vyvanse wearing off. Your Lamictal dosage is low, if you are titrating to a therapeutic dose...the sleepiness may go away. Lithium worked but I gained forty pounds and had numerous side effects. I took it to pull out of,a severe mixed episode (with Lamictal, too), but I went off Lithium afterwards. I know it works well for many people.
  2. I don’t know about treating it differently, but my migraines are significantly worse, too.
  3. When I think about the full manic episodes I have had, I immediately think “scorched earth.” It’s such a “high” but it never ends well. Fortunately, I know now the signs (for me) so I can take preventative action. For me, mania feels like ecstasy due to the euphoria and hypersexuality. It has a drive for “consumption” and I feel driven to consume. That can be driving fast, flirting heavily with strangers that I normally wouldn’t find attractive (I’m not a flirt and in a serious relationship), feeling very, very spontaneous and adventurous (almost flew to Belize on a whim), etc. I become very social and will strike conversations with strangers (this desire is a definite indicator for me), yet I’m an introvert. I have a lot of energy coursing through my body. I have no appetite and if I sleep, it is a max of three to four hours and I wake up in the middle of the night and I am eager to “start my day.” My longest mania was eight months. Ongoing, severe stress triggers my mania. My partner also has bipolar 1 and has had severe manias that land him in the hospital every time. If he doesn’t sleep for two nights, it’s almost certain that he will become manic. We both get psychotic but he becomes psychotic early on, delusional in an intense way. “I invented time,” he told me once...and he truly believed it. We are both on meds....but it occasionally happens, manic episodes. Adjustments to our antipsychotic med is what stabilizes us. Spending money is my thing...huge sums on things that I don’t need. Huge sums. My dad had bipolar 1. I remember visiting him and he went out to get a pizza for us. He came home in a BMW, bought a car!
  4. I developed my ED as a coping mechanism. If you got counseling soon, maybe you could resolve it. You could also get grief counseling. You have my condolences in the loss of your mom. I think grief is a process and it will occur naturally over time. But, an ED won’t help you in the long run. I do understand and this isn’t triggering for me. EDs are strange. It’s a good sign it feels “wrong”...I think you can turn it around if you act soon. Take care.
  5. I am glad it has helped with your chronic pain, it has helped my chronic pain, too. I hope it isn’t scary for you again. I brought a sentimental little stuffed tiger with me to hold.
  6. @Geek, thanks, I’ll check out your link. I had a two hour infusion last week (consult went well). They have a clinical psychologist on staff - she did the consult with me. But she sat in the room where I had the infusion. Basically she was “trip-sitting” me, in case I got confused or scared. She said some people say nothing and some people are verbal...either is fine. She would take notes for me to share with my therapist if I spoke. She suggested I bring a relaxing playlist with no lyrics so I did that. They let me use some nice Bluetooth headphones. I sat in a leather recliner and there was a fuzzy blanket if I wanted it. It wasn’t scary at all, for me. I did scare myself and had a panic attack *prior* to it.... I have OCD and obsessively was Googling it and had a panic attack. For me, the treatment itself is fine. It was intense but not unpleasant. The staff are very nice and competent, as well as sincerely caring if I am feeling OK, etc. They said some people get scared. I listened to music for awhile and decided to talk to her. It was very helpful, especially for my PTSD. Surprisingly so....and I had a 50-minute infusion yesterday (I was alone but was monitored as to pulse, automatic blood pressure cuff, some adhesive electrodes and wires on my chest...and the IV, of course.). They check in every ten minutes...kind of like IP. (But nicer, lol, IME.) It somehow separates the trauma from my brain during the infusion. The music is very helpful although I chose different music. I feel like the trauma, all of the events, it all has because simply a mass. Like a benign mass. A solid mass labeled “trauma” ... separated from me and I objectively feel and saw in my mind it “left.” My body, I am free from the mass. These thoughts and very real feelings. The trauma as a child and as an adult, the vast majority of my life was lumped into a benign ball of matter, like clay. It is the first time I have ever felt it wasn’t trauma, fear, etc., engrained in me. It was and is calm and accepting. Then, I thought “luggage, that ball, that trauma, it’s luggage. It’s also baggage. That luggage does not belong to me.” This hasn’t “worn off.” It wasn’t an out of the galaxy or psychotic “trip,” it was expansive thinking. It is mind expanding. The psychologist said to continue with my trauma therapy in conjunction with my Ketamine treatment. My depression has improved a little bit. I hope that helps you.
  7. Well, it is not for me but it is for some people. What’s your norm? Long term relationships, celibacy, enjoy one-night stands with no attachments, etc.? I have had fully blown mania a few times and I can see how easily it could happen. How are you feeling? Sleeping? Eating?
  8. Going for a consult on Friday for ketamine treatment for my PTSD. I am going to meet with my pdoc beforehand to get his opinion. My PTSD is really bad. I’ve chronic pain but from my back and neck. I read it targets fibromyalgia pain only? Also in a bipolar (1) depression episode and have several anxiety disorders. The treatment is expensive...so you all have found it only last a few weeks? I’m on SSDI and the IV treatment is $3800 USD. Strong sales pitch on the phone. However, my PTSD therapy is not progressing and I have a good therapist. She’s expensive, too. I feel like there’s so much...abusive narcissist mother, a ——- assault at 15 and 20 by strangers. Unknowingly married a narcissist (diagnosed at divorce trial, five years long in court) for 16 years. I bailed, I’ve gone no contact....but all that and giving up my law practice....I want this PTSD. off my back. i can’t recall 90% of my childhood until I was 13. I don’t know how it would work, if I can’t remember?! What I do remember was awful. Will I be opening Pandora’s box? All rhetorical questions but I appreciate you all reading this! I need support. I’ll report back this weekend on what my pdoc says (I trust him) and how my consult goes at the ketamine treatment center...both tomorrow.
  9. I’ve heard Zyprexa works well, but it’s a notorious weight-gainer. My psychiatrist won’t prescribe it to any of his patients. But it looks like a lot of people here like it! I have a friend on Clozapine and I don’t know of anything more sedating.. Another friend of mine has a PRN for Thorazine if she has not slept for a few days. I sleep great on Geodon and wake up with a smile. Before coffee. But, I had taken it a few years prior and couldn’t sleep ...Geodon wasn’t causing my insomnia. My bipolar 1 gives me insomnia and sleeping pills don’t put me to sleep. But no akathesia and I sleep soundly and no “hangover” in the morning. Abilify worked for my mania and psychosis, but I agree it’s actianing. Two months is a long time to go without sound sleep. I feel for you. Seroquel knocked me out sleepwise, but it was so hard to get moving in the morning. I was still working then and I just had to switch. Oh, I did lose weight on Geodon. I increased my calories and it leveled off. However, I have to eat at least 500 calories when I take it for it to work.
  10. Hi, it’s nice to meet you. Here’s my two cents, a total layperson’s opinion. i think your father had a personality disorder .... I think you absolutely experienced trauma. PTSD/C-PTSD. i suspect your mother was likely abused, too, and she did not or could not protect you from your father (he reminds me of my mother, narcissistic). I think that may be the reason you hate her. She didn’t step in. She coddled you to “make up for it.” You mentioned substance abuse, player/promiscuity, detached and feeling like you can’t have interpersonal relationships. You mentioned bursts of anger and road rage, history of self-harm, feeling suicidal. I think you should be assessed for Borderline Personality Disorder based on your symptoms, and your extremely abusive father and arguably neglectful mother and possibly sexual abuse. You’ve suffered from so much trauma. PTSD. And self-medicating via substance abuse is often comorbid with BPD and/or: You may have a mood disorder, too. Major Depressive Disorder or Bipolar Disorder. I could be totally wrong, I’m not a doctor.....so that’s an uneducated, hypothetical guess. I hope you feel better A good psychiatrist and a good therapist can help you, A psychiatrist specializing in mood disorders, substance abuse, PTSD. I think a therapist that does DBT, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, can help you. You also need a therapist that works with healing trauma. I think DBT with some talk therapy is a good start. Your PTSD ....healing with the help of a trauma therapist is important. I’d personally do that “work” when you’re ready. (I did DBT and now I have a trauma therapist ...I’d figured out where my trauma(s) came from and why...I was scared to address it all until now. Process it, heal and boot it out of my mind....not wanting that baggage. But my therapist is the one who knows how to help me do that. It sounds like you may be in the same boat. Do you think it would be helpful if you went IP for a few days, get to a safe place (help with suicidal/self-harm)? I hate that question myself, lol, so I feel odd suggesting it. But your safety is paramount and only you know if you may be in harm’s way.
  11. I hope you’re feeling better soon. It sort of sounded like you’ve had a mixed episode in the past. They are rough. How’s your paranoia?
  12. Welcome! I’ve had huge manic spending sprees. I’ve got some safeguards in place now. Are you fully manic? Maybe you can have someone help you protect your finances? I hope you’re doing OK. Do you see your pdoc soon or a therapist? I’m on Lamictal, Geodon, Klonopln, Lexapro, Wellbutrin, Prazosin, plus some vitamins. The Lexapro and Klonopln help with some anxiety I have, too. Prazosin is for PTSD-related nightmares and night terrors. Nice to meet you!
  13. Nah, you didn’t kill your thread! I just saw a new GYN doctor last week and I swear it took the tech 1/2 hour to type my meds in! I always disclose what I take when asked by a doctor or hospital. I’ll provide my diagnoses, if asked. I have bipolar 1 and several anxiety disorders, plus a few “regular” diagnoses like IBS and chronic pain. In my state, my pdoc and gp (go does my pain management) .... any doctor I see can pull up what prescriptions I filled, when, etc. But, yeah, even my dentist knows my medical history including meds....because she asks for it. I am not in the habit of disclosing my mental illnesses to people, but my family (deceased now) knew. My boyfriend has bipolar 1 and my best girlfriend has bipolar 2. I’m disabled now. My prior employer did not know about my conditions. Privacy? I don’t think it exists anymore here in the USA. My personal opinion.
  14. Lamictal is great for the depressive side as to mood stabilizers. It’s the only drug I have stuck with the entire time since the beginning of my diagnosis. I’ve taken Lithium, too, but manage just fine on Lamictal for now. I was diagnosed 2006. Im also surprised they don’t have you on a mood stabilizer. I mean, I of course believe you but that’s....not good care for bipolar. if you do need an antipsychotic, the AAPs have been good for me. Geodon is my preference although Abilify worked when I took it several years ago. Good luck Keep an eye out for weight gain and possible hair loss. Just FYI, not everyone gets those side effects. I’m partial to Lamictal because it works well and side effects (for me) have been nearly nonexistent. But Depakote does help a lot of people!
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