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  1. Sorry I didn't post back. I'm honestly not sure about these people. I talked to her shortly after this, and honestly she may have sort of gotten used to the idea of me not being straight. I'm not sure. Anyways, I said something about it sort of casually shortly after this, and she seemed to see it as old news rather than something to be angry about. And she hasn't been attacking me about it. For the most part, we have gotten along.
  2. Okay, I am not straight. I came out as gay last year, and it went horribly. Horribly meaning that I was told that if I "chose to live that life", that my own family, my own parents weren't sure if they wanted to remain in contact with me. My mother was the one saying these things, and I actually heard my Dad say "well you shouldn't think like that" when it she was on the phone saying that her bigotry against gays made her want to shun away (not in those words, just "it's kind of undesirable") or something of the sort. After this, my mother proceeded to abuse me and vowed to discard me and said she didn't want to be seen with me due to the way that I dressed because she was "embarrassed". She told me that she "wished me well in life but didn't want to know about it", the expression of pure homophobic hatred that I'd expect to come from her. She had threatened to discard me multiple times in my life and pretty much ingrained it in my psyche. She clearly has some sort of PD, and she had unpredictable Jekyll and Hyde like rages, though they never came that often even before all this. It was rare, but once one saw Mr. Hyde, one never saw Dr. Jekyll the same again kind of thing. There were a few potential triggers, but the control of me seemed to be the primary one, or at least perhaps........... it seemed to revolve around my sex life and perceived "morals" and "values" as well perhaps to an even greater degree than the idea of control. The thing is weirdly, despite expressing that she didn't want to be seen with me and everything else, she decided to be quite nice to me. As though she "came around". It has been quite convincing, and I really want to believe that's true. She has not followed through with her initial "promise" that it was final that she would never go out in public with me because she was embarrassed to be seen with me and things have seemed fine at least on the surface. And despite being as abusive as she was, she has seemed to be the same...... actually perhaps slightly better around me than before. However, given her sheer level of disdain and hatred, I don't know given something that happened two days ago that was far more subtle. She stopped abusing me for the way I dress many months ago, yet she said one thing that had a weirdly strong impact on me emotionally............. now a year after all this, she saw a flier in the mail when we were talking (after I came out as gay) about a scantily dressed woman on the cover of a magazine. And she kind of made a joke about it, and said, 'Oh boy' in a joking sort of way. I'm not sure what to think of this, and a strong part of me sees this as joking around......... yet she never apologized for all her threats to disown me or anything else. So, I am kind of confused. Was this just a harmless joke, or perhaps was it a sign that she just "forgot" everything I said, and despite what I said on multiple occasions during this, that she genuinely believes I am straight. Or am I misinterpreting this? She just said it in kind of a joking way, and otherwise has not said anything homophobic or tried to control the way I dress, and that's been a big change............ but somehow this kind of made me wonder if somehow despite everything, she just "forgot" all of it in her invalidation. This is the only thing that I have heard since last summer's attack on me for not being straight and dressing the way I do, yet it made me wonder a bit if the "progress" is really an illusion.
  3. I have a prescription for 10mg adderall XR and one for 10mg adderall IR. It says on the bottle to take the XR in the morning, of course, since it lasts for 8-12 hours. However, the IR simply says take one pill every day. Is it usually most effective taking them at the same time? Because that's what I've been doing, but I was wondering if that was usually what people do. Or if people generally take the XR in the AM and the IR later in the day.
  4. I take the stimulants now (adderall) with no other meds and have had no issues at all. In fact, it puts me in a much better mood in addition to helping my ADHD symptoms.
  5. I have never taken this, but it's apparently referred to as velvet bean and other things. I may try it soon, as for New Years eve and New Year's I'm taking a bit of time off from my work, may even take another day off as a much deserved break (I'm self employed and can set my own schedule). Apparently, it contains small amounts of NN DMT..... yes that DMT, as in the most powerful hallucinogen on Earth DMT. But in tiny amounts along with L-dopa, 5-HTP, and 5-HMO-DMT (can't spell it right, but some sort of hallucinogenic compound that is found in psiolcybin mushrooms). However, the doses of both are very small. It also has some other things in it that haven't been particularly well-studied. During the next few days since I'm not going to be working much, I'm not going to be taking my adderall (as I'm not working and thus don't need it, also good to take time off of it due to tolerance and all) so I'm thinking of trying this stuff. I have been reading some interesting reports about it on some internet sites. Apparently, despite containing these ultra low doses of these hallucinogens, it is legal OTC as a supplement. The experiences people have had seemed similar to extremely low, almost imperceptible doses of hallucinogenics (which I personally use occasionally in widely varying dosages, not that I encourage the use of these substances in any way nor am I saying that use of such substances is considered to be safe outside of a medically supervised environment). Given these reports, I am really quite intrigued by this herb and may try it. People also said that it was good for focus and gave a mood lift. In addition, some said that they felt more intuitive and insightful after taking the products. The downsides people commented on were inability to sleep and other side effects which were generally minor. Since this is a mental health forum, I would say that since the products do contain small amounts of classical psychedelics, it could likely be a bad idea for anyone with a predisposition to serious psychiatric disorders to take it. As these compounds are known to exacerbate latent and existing psychosis, mania, and other serious psychiatric disorders. So, in no way am I saying go try it, just that it really interests me and I am likely to be ingesting this plant in the near future. If anyone else has taken this, I would be very, very interested to hear of your experiences. Because it sounds like something that I would very much enjoy and may genuinely be beneficial for me.
  6. This website I found seems to be a really helpful resource as far as saving money and they're planning to offer new information soon. It just went live recently I think, like within the past few days/weeks so I doubt it's finished yet. But there's already some pretty good stuff. They have a couple of links to a couple of places that offer really good coupons and discounts at a bunch of the places I shop. They're going to have information on other financial issues like finding work in the 21st Century economy, working from home, and other struggles that are commonplace these days though. It looks interesting for sure, definitely something to check out and keep checking out over time. I have heard that they're planning to start a money and employment forum in the future over that should be pretty interesting. There will probably be a lot of practical advice and tips on the forum whenever that gets set up. Here's the link to it, it's real new: http://www.the21stcentury.info Here's a link to the page that has the links to places where you can get coupons and discounts (some of them looked really good when I checked it out): http://www.the21stcentury.info/some-ways-to-save-money.html
  7. For me an anxiety/panic attack either involves the false belief that I may be having a heart attack (yet I've always had enough sense not to do something really stupid like showing up at the ER for the 'heart attack'), or it's connected to OCD type phobias that involve fearing that I've consumed a deadly poisonous chemical or have said or done something extremely inappropriate. They never really occur as a solitary phenomena. It's just a racing heart type feeling, nausea, and extreme anxiety. During the times that it's happened, I've generally appeared outwardly normal....... yet I avoid interacting with others as much as possible. The other key part of it is that rationalizing it doesn't work. Just as I rationally say that I'm actually not having a heart attack, I just end up going right back to thinking that I am. Until maybe a ten minutes, a half hour, or maybe an hour or so goes by and I stop "feeling like" I'm having one and just go back to my ordinary self and forget about it as best I can. It's probably only happened 5-10 times or so in total, but they really are a pain for sure.
  8. I'd say there's a greater than 50% chance that she won't come around or change her views at all, ever...... and I think there's at least a 50/50 chance that she'd ultimately just cut off contact with me completely if I ever found myself in a gay relationship, even if she says otherwise, she's been known to lie. However, there is something that I thought could possibly be affecting her views, assuming it isn't just lies. This may be off base as it all may have been made up stories to to try to scare me and manipulate me. She said that the close friend she had that who was gay died of aids, and she claims that she had been extremely close with him. Assuming this is a true story and not just all made up (she lies without much thought about it if manipulation is the goal, so there's no way to know what's fact vs fiction). If it were true though, I can imagine that must have been a very sad and traumatic experience for her that would have likely shaped her views considerably and possibly caused her to react out of fear when I'm telling her this. Not sure though and I'm sure if she brought it up, she possibly and maybe even likely would just say that has nothing to do with her views and that I'm just "trying to force her to accept it" and say nothing more about it..... but maybe I'm not 100% off base on this.
  9. Over the past couple of years, this issue has come up multiple times..... over and over with the same crap every time. Her judgment of me has resulted in me going back into the closet several times. Then back out again, like cycles. This time, she first had a judgmental outburst over the phone that ultimately included her saying she was unsure if she wanted to remain in contact with me if I were ever in a relationship with a guy because she was seeming judgmental towards me and I just said, "look you don't have to be part of my life, you don't even have to talk to me. that's fine.". After that, she backtracks. Starts saying that she always wants to be in my life, but that she's "not sure how she feels about it" and doesn't wish to discuss it. I don't discuss it. Some weeks pass, it comes up again. Her reasoning for her behavior doesn't make much sense to me. She has had multiple gay friends. Hasn't had many friends in general but several of them have been gay, and she's been very close with them. Also was basically best friends for years with a woman who is a lesbian. She even says that she "believes in equality" and has always been of this mindset. However, she admits to me that she has no problem with gay people, but that because its her kid she won't really be able to accept me but has had numerous gay best friends over the years..... and that we're incompatible with one another because of this but she wants to stay part of my life and claims to not be rejecting me.... but that she's "entitled to her reaction" to this. She also says that she will never not be uncomfortable with this and will never be okay with it or fully accept it. Her position on it is 100% set in stone, according to her. How on Earth is this behavior not her rejecting me? Or at least thinking about it? She's not embarrassed of me I don't think, because currently she has zero friends. No one, so I don't know who she'd be embarrassed to? However, she is also saying that she isn't convinced of me not being straight..... despite the fact that she drove me up the wall recently to the point where I said something that I did in the past. This time it started because she's saying stuff to me about the way that I dress. I wear what's basically a women's hairstyle and paint my nails, and you don't really see other guys that dress in a similar way to myself, at least other than on rare occasion. But I like the way I look and have always felt kind of feminine, never anything serious in terms of issues with my body or anything like that....... but still I see no reason at all why I should go back to dressing like a "normal" guy like I did when I was younger. Why should I have to? In fact, she even started to say something relating me being gay to the way I dress, indicating things along the lines of gender differences. She also started acting very concerned for me and my future, saying that I'm going to be treated differently because of the way I am. Which definitely is true, but she just seemed extremely concerned about the whole thing to the point that it was difficult for me to get through to say anything to her. Essentially, she just seems kind of confused about this.
  10. I've never had any threesomes, so I can't really comment for sure that this is bad advice. However, building a relationship with the guy that you'll be having a threesome with sounds like it may make the whole situation more likely to create jealousy. Perhaps, OP's boyfriend or OP may begin to become attached to the guy in a romantic sort of way. If the guy were someone who you OP and OP's boyfriend didn't know that well or have much emotional connection with, it seems relatively unlikely that this would happen.
  11. I'm bi myself. I've never had a threesome nor is that something I would need with the way my life is, but I get where he's probably coming from. He's probably wanting this because he's never been with a guy before. Since I've already been with both on separate occasions, I wouldn't have to experience the gender other than whoever I'm with (single nowadays and have been getting rejected by both sexes for quite a while now, which is just great... pretty damn depressing actually). At this point in his life sex with a guy isn't something he's experienced and he feels he has to. However, it could bring up jealousy and difficulties you're not yet aware of. Never been in the position of needing a threesome or having one but I could imagine it would be difficult to avoid jealousy and changes in the relationship.
  12. It happened again! What the hell! With a totally different person! What the fuck is going on?!?!?!?!?! Are these people talking about me behind my back?
  13. Okay, this has happened twice now with two different people. I don't get what's going on, but it's beginning to make me wonder if large numbers of people are talking about me behind my back. Something just isn't right with this picture. A few months ago, a guy flipped me off as I was passing him in the parking lot for utterly no reason. This was a few/couple months ago. Today, I was on my way home, and this woman was driving in the other lane in did the same thing! I don't get it, and it's seriously making me wonder if this has to do with the fact that a bunch of people are talking about me. I just don't get it. I seriously cannot imagine why this has happened twice over the past 3 months or so. The one thing I can think of is that I'm not really the best driver. Not in a dangerous way, but I tend to get over-cautious about the lights. Sometimes, where it's right on red or a stop sign, I'll sit at the intersection too long and it annoys people. Still, I cannot recall this happening with this woman, and it perplexes me that she'd still be pissed at me over that days or weeks later. It just makes me think it must be something else. I just don't get it! The only possibilities I can think of is that rumors are being spread about me by complete strangers or some kind of traffic thing. What do you think is going on here? And do you think these two complete strangers must've talked to one another about me, or were they separate reasons..... or perhaps even just luck that I was mixed up with someone else in both cases. I live in a fairly large city so I cannot imagine what kind of rumor it would take to spread throughout the city like that. It's just really starting to seriously scare me and start to wonder if there's some major rumor about me that's spreading like wildfire and these unrelated people have somehow had contact with each other about me! Unfortunately, I'm beginning to think that's what is going on here. I have no idea what the hell these people are saying about me, but it's really freaking me out as apparently it's causing them to just flip me off in traffic like that. It's honestly making me fear for my safety, that perhaps these people could be planning to truly harm me somehow. What the hell is going on here?
  14. Wait until the blood work comes back, and try not to worry in the mean time. I struggle with the same thing, and I'm always nervous about doctor's appointments and lab tests. Whenever I get my blood work done or any medical procedure, it also nags me while I'm waiting and I frequently find myself fearing the worst. Even if the blood work comes back normal, make sure you tell your doctor about the pain.
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