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  1. It makes sense that you'd feel ashamed and guilty about this, but you don't need to let this ruin your life. This does not make you irreparably despicable. We have all done the wrong thing at times. On the spectrum of bad deeds, I wouldn't say this was necessarily any "worse" than the types of things most people have done at one time or another, just different. You didn't actually rape the dog or anything like that, and I doubt that it thought much of anything of the incident. Also, from a religious perspective, there aren't any sins that God is unable or unwilling to forgive. The only time that one is not forgiven is if they do not have remorse for their sin(s) and/or continue the same actions despite knowing it's wrong. It may really help you a lot to go to a priest and confess this incident, and it doesn't have to be at the same church you normally go to. Times that I did this for various things that I felt badly about, I would always come away feeling much better afterwards. It always seemed to make a huge difference and allowed me to move on from whatever it was that I was regretting and dwelling on.
  2. Interesting. The three hour average honestly sounds about right for me, admittedly. I often want to be more productive, but it's a lot easier said than done unfortunately. I thought it was just me. I work from home and set my own schedule since I'm self employed, which makes it even harder to avoid procrastinating unfortunately.
  3. While I'm currently single, I can say that I would not wear a mask with someone I was intimate with. Absolutely not a chance. I'm all for taking precautions and actually have a pre-existing condition myself, but wearing a mask during sex is a bridge way too far IMO. Personally, I wouldn't want to have any sort of close contact with somebody who refused to take basic precautions like wearing a mask while in public spaces. Though, wearing a mask while with only somebody you're dating is going much too far IMO.
  4. Honestly, people who refuse to wear a mask seriously piss me off, and I know someone who did not take precautions and died from the virus. The anti-maskers always talk about "my freedom" and all that, but getting it and becoming seriously ill would restrict your freedom far more than wearing a mask. I honestly cannot comprehend why some people have the idiotic attitude that the whole thing is a hoax, not that serious, etc. But the unfortunate reality is that it's often impossible to get through to these people. And telling them how you feel, as the manager said, would likely be of little effect if you've already told them that you're high risk. Personally, what I'd do is get an N95 or KN95 mask and perhaps even a face shield as well for when you're within six feet of them, just in case one of the anti-maskers gets it (which they very well could at some point). If you are able to keep a significant distance between you and them, take other precautions, and wear this type of PPE, you could greatly reduce your risk even though they are not wearing masks. Having an office fan that is directed to blow the air away from the anti-maskers could blow any droplets away from you. The fact that you're not working within 6 feet of them throughout the day is a good thing, and it makes it easier to take precautions IMO. Though, unfortunately, it doesn't sound like your employer takes it that seriously. Otherwise, they wouldn't have talked about this in terms of your "feelings". You could consider going to HR, but I don't know your work situation. Not every employer even has an HR department. And even if they do, the attitude that they have varies greatly from one employer to another. So, you would know much better than me whether this is a good strategy for dealing with this in your work environment or not. Depending on the circumstances, it could be a good idea to document your employer's reluctance to enforce a mask requirement, in case you got it and were in a position where you could take legal action (depends on your circumstances).
  5. Personally, I would only travel if it was out of necessity. I have asthma and often have to use my inhaler, and my parents are both older. So, we have all been extra-cautious during this. If you do decide to travel, there ae ways that you can greatly reduce your risk and actually travel relatively safely. Public transportation (e.g. flying, taking a train, or traveling on a bus) is best avoided. If you can, drive to your destination rather than using any sort of public transit. After you get to your hotel, disinfect high-touch surfaces, remove the bedding, and replace it with your own. Though, be cautious not to make any sudden movements when you're removing the bedding, as not to aerate the virus if it's on there. And keep your mask on when you're changing out the bedding. Most hotels do wash the bedding very thoroughly between guests and disinfect. So, chances are, you won't encounter the virus this way. But it's best to take the precautions IMO. If you do have to take public transportation (e.g. plane, train, bus), make sure you wear a mask and ensure that you disinfect your hands after handling high touch surfaces. Keep some disinfectant with you. I do this whenever I go into a store, and I'll disinfect after touching a door handle or any other high-touch surface. As for masks, definitely wear them when you are in any indoor public spaces (e.g. walking around in a hotel, going into stores, or any other indoor venues). However, the good news is that you may not need one in the places where you are taking scenic photos. If you're outdoors and can keep a 6 foot distance from other people, you probably don't need a mask, according to the experts. Personally, if I'm in an outdoor space (e.g. local parks and such), I don't necessarily wear a mask personally. Though, I'll always keep it with me. And I'll put it on if I'm going near other people. Though, it would be best to avoid bars and restaurants entirely. It'd also be best to avoid any indoor venues where people will be in the same room together for a long period of time. Shops and stores are less risky, because people are moving around. In fact, these sorts of places are considered low risk. Also, it's best to avoid any sort of large gatherings, such as concerts or anything like that. The best bet would be a trip where the primary attraction is natural scenery, and make sure that you choose an area with an infection rate that isn't higher than where you're from. Also, check into the precautions taken at the hotel or other rental that you'll be staying in. Make sure that they are taking this seriously and have thorough precautions in place. If you take these precautions, it's possible to travel relatively safely. Though, the level of precautions that need to be taken would completely change the type of experience that the trip will be. So, I personally would wait until the vaccine comes out to travel. Though, you can do it somewhat safely if you follow the right precautions. You won't be able to safely do all the things that you normally would while traveling most likely.
  6. He may very well try, but it isn't going to get anywhere. If the basic institutions of the country are more or less intact, any attempt to do this would be quickly blocked. In the long run, I would not rule out the possibility of him corrupting the system to the point where he'd be able to do this. But we're a long ways away from that now, even still. Given enough time, it's possible he could get things to that point. But it's completely hypothetical at this point.
  7. He is absolutely and completely mentally unfit for office, no doubt about it whatsoever. The fact that he would take his mask off and knowingly walk around the White House spreading this contagious, potentially life threatening disease proves that he is a complete sociopath who has zero regard for the lives of others and lacks any semblance of human decency. He even went to a fundraiser when he knew he was infected! I just do not understand how anyone in their right mind could vote for someone like this honestly. There's no way that he's fully recovered and not contagious at this point. The doctors say that given his rapid onset and intensification of symptoms, he most likely got quite a large initial dose of the virus. Even for people who are asymptomatic and weren't exposed to very much of the virus, it still can take around 14 days to fully recover to the point of no longer being infectious. He has had it for less than a week. So, he is undoubtedly infecting others if he isn't quarantining. Which he's not. If he would risk the lives of his own staff, you know 100% that he does not give a shit about anyone, the country, or anyone but himself. I just don't get why anyone would want someone like that in any position of leadership let alone want them elected president. What I find scarier than Trump himself is the way his supporters so blindly stick by him. Even the people he infected at that fundraiser are probably going to stick by him regardless. That's even scarier than Trump himself IMO.
  8. I feel like I have no value or purpose in the world really. I "work", but it serves no real meaningful purpose in the world, could be done by literally anyone, and is poorly paid. The only people who do the work I do are other people like me who are too dumb to make any progress in life. I really should've never been born. I'm just a burden on my family and society. I really am a complete screw up and an incredibly stupid, worthless person. I have a college degree, on paper. But really it's just that I must've gone to a shitty school where they actually mistook me for someone who has value to the world and isn't a complete moron. I wouldn't kill myself, but I just don't get why stupid people like me are even born. I guess idiotic screw ups like me have some sort of purpose to the world, but I just am having a very hard time seeing it. Sometimes, I have wondered if perhaps I'm just here as an example for other people of what failure looks like, so other people who actually have value to the world can avoid becoming screw ups like me. Or perhaps, there's something else that I'm just not seeing.
  9. This has gone on for quite some time. It doesn't come up anywhere near as often as it used to, but I still have a fear of losing control and involuntarily spouting obscenities and involuntarily acting bizarrely. Possibly without remembering that I did it, which drives a sort of "Did I say/do that?", "Maybe I did", "No I didn't", "Am I just telling myself that I didn't though?", etc., etc. This sort of thing is extremely irritating, and it's very difficult to get a handle on once that thinking starts. The thing is that these obsessions/fears really have a mind of their own in a sense, which makes me start to wonder if perhaps this thinking is an early sign of developing Tourette's/losing control. Sometimes, I'll also feel compelled to do small, meaningless things and worry that if I don't, I could lose control. On a conscious level, I know that this is not the case. Because times that I have not done the things that I felt the need to do, as you'd expect, I didn't actually lose control or anything like that. Consciously, I know that I won't. But the compulsion is still strong. The things that I'll feel compelled to do aren't really harmful, nor do they really serve any useful purpose either. Just random things like moving a cup I'm holding or something like that, muttering a random word to myself, etc. I have much less of this sort of issue nowadays compared to a few years ago. However, what hasn't changed is that once this sort of thinking starts........ it has a way of becoming an endless loop that kind of has a mind of its own in a way. It's also seemingly random. It doesn't seem to really be connected to anything. So, it's kind of hard to really think of anything that I could do to avoid falling into this sort of thinking, because it just seems to crop up completely randomly and out of nowhere. And then eventually my mind will kind of shift gears in one way or another and it's no longer an issue. Also, I always consciously know that I'm not going to suddenly develop Tourette's and lose control like this. But weirdly, consciously knowing that the fear is irrational has surprisingly little impact on it.
  10. Yes, but not exactly the same thing. I am absolutely and utterly terrified of aliens, and it literally sometimes causes me to stay awake all night long. And all it takes to cause me to completely freak out is a slight sound or something of the sort. On occasion, I will literally leap out of bed because of a small sound even still, as an adult. Because the possibility of being abducted by aliens absolutely scares the living daylights out of me. Sometimes, I still actually look in the closets, check the shower, and literally look all over the house to make sure there's not an alien hiding someplace if I hear a weird sound. I have been like this ever since I was a kid. If it's late at night, it takes next to nothing to start the UFO abduction panic. During the day, I never worry about it. But at night, the fear of alien abduction sometimes keeps me up all night. And has ever since I was a kid. And yes, I know exactly what you mean about feeling like something is there. And this also freaks me the hell out. For some reason, I have an intense fear of alien abduction and have the same feeling sometimes...... like something is there. And I worry that it's an alien. Which is all in my head. But it still freaks me out and keeps me up at night. For me, it's more of a phobia than anything. I don't know about the whispers though honestly. Never had that.
  11. I recently had a terrifying nightmare involving demons, aliens, and all sorts of nonsense like that. Which I normally would write off as nothing other than a bad dream. Which is all that it was. However, it was like my unconscious knew something about myself that I didn't. Anyways, in this messed up dream, there was mention of me having an "epicanthal fold" (not exactly sure what the context was in the dream). I did not even know what that meant or anything like that, and I Googled it the next day simply out of curiosity. Then, to my surprise it turned out that I have it. I had no idea what the term even meant and yet the characters in this bizarre dream somehow knew that I had this, as they were talking about it for some reason. It seems unlikely to have been simply random chance, as only 5% of people with my ancestry have this. Also, it seems unlikely that I would have been "unconsciously aware" of this since it is not very noticeable. I just find it really strange that dream characters somehow knew this little random fact about myself that I didn't even know and probably would've had no reason to ever even take notice of. Plus, the dream characters talking about this seemed to know a word that I didn't until I Googled it after having this dream.
  12. Sorry I didn't post back. I'm honestly not sure about these people. I talked to her shortly after this, and honestly she may have sort of gotten used to the idea of me not being straight. I'm not sure. Anyways, I said something about it sort of casually shortly after this, and she seemed to see it as old news rather than something to be angry about. And she hasn't been attacking me about it. For the most part, we have gotten along.
  13. Okay, I am not straight. I came out as gay last year, and it went horribly. Horribly meaning that I was told that if I "chose to live that life", that my own family, my own parents weren't sure if they wanted to remain in contact with me. My mother was the one saying these things, and I actually heard my Dad say "well you shouldn't think like that" when it she was on the phone saying that her bigotry against gays made her want to shun away (not in those words, just "it's kind of undesirable") or something of the sort. After this, my mother proceeded to abuse me and vowed to discard me and said she didn't want to be seen with me due to the way that I dressed because she was "embarrassed". She told me that she "wished me well in life but didn't want to know about it", the expression of pure homophobic hatred that I'd expect to come from her. She had threatened to discard me multiple times in my life and pretty much ingrained it in my psyche. She clearly has some sort of PD, and she had unpredictable Jekyll and Hyde like rages, though they never came that often even before all this. It was rare, but once one saw Mr. Hyde, one never saw Dr. Jekyll the same again kind of thing. There were a few potential triggers, but the control of me seemed to be the primary one, or at least perhaps........... it seemed to revolve around my sex life and perceived "morals" and "values" as well perhaps to an even greater degree than the idea of control. The thing is weirdly, despite expressing that she didn't want to be seen with me and everything else, she decided to be quite nice to me. As though she "came around". It has been quite convincing, and I really want to believe that's true. She has not followed through with her initial "promise" that it was final that she would never go out in public with me because she was embarrassed to be seen with me and things have seemed fine at least on the surface. And despite being as abusive as she was, she has seemed to be the same...... actually perhaps slightly better around me than before. However, given her sheer level of disdain and hatred, I don't know given something that happened two days ago that was far more subtle. She stopped abusing me for the way I dress many months ago, yet she said one thing that had a weirdly strong impact on me emotionally............. now a year after all this, she saw a flier in the mail when we were talking (after I came out as gay) about a scantily dressed woman on the cover of a magazine. And she kind of made a joke about it, and said, 'Oh boy' in a joking sort of way. I'm not sure what to think of this, and a strong part of me sees this as joking around......... yet she never apologized for all her threats to disown me or anything else. So, I am kind of confused. Was this just a harmless joke, or perhaps was it a sign that she just "forgot" everything I said, and despite what I said on multiple occasions during this, that she genuinely believes I am straight. Or am I misinterpreting this? She just said it in kind of a joking way, and otherwise has not said anything homophobic or tried to control the way I dress, and that's been a big change............ but somehow this kind of made me wonder if somehow despite everything, she just "forgot" all of it in her invalidation. This is the only thing that I have heard since last summer's attack on me for not being straight and dressing the way I do, yet it made me wonder a bit if the "progress" is really an illusion.
  14. I have a prescription for 10mg adderall XR and one for 10mg adderall IR. It says on the bottle to take the XR in the morning, of course, since it lasts for 8-12 hours. However, the IR simply says take one pill every day. Is it usually most effective taking them at the same time? Because that's what I've been doing, but I was wondering if that was usually what people do. Or if people generally take the XR in the AM and the IR later in the day.
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