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onsenseal

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About onsenseal

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  1. Yes, it's difficult and stressful, but I was lucky, because it's free here, so I could just try it without any risk. Higher level STEM classes are usually empty and cozy, and profs are really nice and motivating. I just feel bad because I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it. I can't cope with stress or responsibility or life at all. Restaurants packed with people sound like a nightmare. I've never been drunk and I don't like drunk people. I'm not judging anyone, I know it's normal, but I need the sense of control.
  2. I'm an older college student, which tells a little about my age. i considered doing a PhD but I don't think I can do it because this lifestyle is too active? I got used to professional talk and work with my colleagues, but when they get hyped for concerts, parties, mention alcohol, or "fun" things I'm terrified. As a teenager it was fine, but now there's so much social pressure... avoiding these things is very isolating. I barely feel human. For example, restaurants, how am I supposed to enjoy the food with so many strangers around? How can people read in crowded libraries? I did most work and studying between depression naps. I have no idea how having a job is going to work . My social anxiety is probably amplified by AvPD and gender dysphoria, but it also exists on it own I guess.
  3. Feeling detached from myself and the world and wondering why I'm here. And wondering if I can reference research papers with errors in them.
  4. I don't really have Agoraphobia. I just have a lot anxiety when going outside, or in social situations, or crowds, or traveling in general. No uncontrollable panic attacks, just chest tightness and anxiety that's eating me up inside. I went outside for the first time in days and there's no way in hell I can meet the demands of society... how can people be so casual and carefree? Sorry, that's not a success story. My only success was, I went outside, I didn't avoid it, and because of that I got a Cheeseburger. The pickle was excellent.
  5. How are you being more open about it? Do you tell them you have Agoraphobia? When someone asks me why I'm leaving, or don't want to hang out, or don't want a job, I just say I'm lazy. Yes, it feels stupid. Yes, it makes people angry and think I'm making fun of them. I can't come up with anything better.
  6. This is the real argument here. It would be too expensive. Believe in capitalism, it will never disappoint.
  7. Sorry, I can't give any advice. But now I feel stupid for flipping a brick because my doc wanted to increase Lyrica to 150. Good luck.
  8. Wouldn't people with MI just try to hide it even more then?
  9. Maybe spending 20 h a day in bed (not sleeping) isn't healthy

  10. The pills that the spam bots are trying to advertise, they have stupid names. I have a sneaking suspicion that they are not real FDA-approved meds.
  11. @echolocation I don't have a tdoc right now and I can't say that I have a pdoc who even knows who I am, he just hands out prescriptions. The idea with putting it on the family seems good. I just hope they won't think I'm being kept here by force or something. I just don't like to disappoint people and try to do everything to avoid that. I feel bad about saying no.
  12. I'm not a fan of making up lies, but this reminds me of a mistake I once made. If you give someone a fake name, don't forget what it was. 😅 You're right, explanations shouldn't be necessary, but sometimes people want to hear them, as if knowing the reason will make it better.
  13. Sorry if that's a dumb question. Avoidant behavior. Skipping parties, graduation ceremonies, weddings, funerals, dinners. How do you explain this to people? When you tell someone you're depressed, they will say, just get better. When you tell someone you have anxiety: cricket noise. They don't understand unless you start shaking and vomiting in front of them. And if I'm doing my best to keep myself together and not fall apart, I get asked why I don't relax. In particular, I'm asked to attend a conference and present a paper. I know this isn't going to happen. I just don't know how to explain why. I don't like to travel isn't good enough? I don't know. In my experience, if you state that you don't want something, people start insisting and the more you refuse or evade questions the angrier they get and the more pushy they get.
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