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Status Updates posted by onsenseal

  1. Life is bird shit.

  2. Studying for a future I don't care about, a life I don't care about, in a world I don't care about.

  3. So apparently the police that regulates the quarantine zones and stops the traffic is armed with SMGs. I've never seen automatic weapons here outside of military. Looks like from a zombie movie. Funny.

  4. Maybe spending 20 h a day in bed (not sleeping) isn't healthy

  5. Hey, it's me, seal. How are you? I hope you're doing well.

    1. trailmix


      hi seal, thanks for asking! How are you? I saw your status that you are having a tough time.

      I miss chatting with you

    2. confused


      Hi Seal


    3. onsenseal


      Every time is a tough time. Yeah, the chat was fun. I guess it was just too much drama for the mods. Sorry.

      Hi confused.

  6. I skimmed through my old messages and some of them made me smile. Most the users left CB. I hope they're safe and doing well. I understand I should have been more considerate and I shouldn't have posted so many stupid pics, sorry for that.

    1. trailmix


      i always liked your pictures


  7. Took a shower and dressed up for restaurant dinner, but now I'm eating instant noodles at home. Haha, I almost forgot social anxiety is a thing.

  8. You know what would be amazing? Not feeling like crap once in a while.

  9. I'm still depressed, but at least I'm the smartest aquatic mammal in the world (probably?)


    1. trailmix


      definitely, without question!

  10. Everything sucks, but the seal wishes happy holidays and Merry Christmas.

    1. trailmix


      Merry Christmas, seal

  11. Bark.

    1. trailmix


      *tosses a fish* hi there seal

    2. onsenseal


      *snatches fish* Hi trail

  12. Great. I can't recognize what I'm feeling anymore.

  13. Meds for anxiety/depression. Too anxious to take them.

  14. I think I have burnout from being depressed for so long. It's hard work.

    1. Blahblah


      hard work indeed with no payoff. It feels like running a never ending marathon...complete exhaustion and nothing to show for it.

  15. I failed to make a therapist appointment. I give up.

  16. Never thought I would consider ECT.

    1. saintalto


      I'm sorry seal, but hopefully it does for you what other treatments haven't. 

  17. I was just thinking how it's funny that I sometimes want friends, but I know that it's better to not have any.

    1. saintalto


      Except for seal friends, you should always have a lot of seal friends. 

    2. onsenseal


      Seals are good friends. They don't judge, as long as you have fish.

  18. Does anyone else feel embarrassed all the time? Every little thing makes me feel uncomfortable for days or even years. Even when I don't remember saying anything rationally wrong or embarrassing, it feels like it was and it still haunts me. I can hold a presentation at school, get an A+ and be praised, and still ruminate about it. If a homeless man asks me for a coin I feel bad and embarrassed for days whether I give it to him or not. I don't act like it though, because if I think that I look embarrassed it gets much worse.

  19. It's been almost 2 years since I created my account here and I'm still alive. Maybe we should count the years we stay alive since birth. We could call them lifedays or.. maybe birthdays or something.

  20. If you really really hate someone wish them a long and unhappy life.

  21. The more you work on your mental health the more people think you're crazy, isn't that weird?

  22. Time is like a huge eraser that slowly erases everything behind us until all that is left are faint memories which eventually will be erased too.

  23. How many pdocs and tdocs have to tell you you're MI until you're MI?

    1. toast


      That reminds me of that old commercial for tootsie roll, where the character asks, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop. The owl, i think it was, goes 1...2...3 (and then bites it). His answer was 3, but obviously the point was something else. The commercial is meant to be a joke, but I think it illustrates the subjective nature of things.

  24. It kind of feels like you're sedated and you need to push against some heavy weights in order to do the simplest things of life. You need to focus on what's in front of you so your eyes and brain don't just drift off into nothingness. When you try to google your problems it says you're depressed but that doesn't help. Maybe it's just the lack of coffee. Maybe it's how everyone feels when they don't drink coffee all the time. After you spent a few days in bed you realize that the next deadline is imminent and suddenly you feel your heart beating faster and your brain and body warm up. You splash icy water onto your face, eat a pound of chocolate and then you start working on your tasks until you notice that it's 4 am in the morning. You realize you're severely dehydrated, your hands are shaking and your head hurts so you take some pills, throw yourself into bed, and wait for the next deadline.

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