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About AyYiYikes

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  1. Sad. Annoyed. Sensitive to noise. Walking is an effort. I actually had been doing pretty well past couple of weeks. This afternoon it hit me hard. The bipolar depression is back. Tired of it, and fed up with attempting a fake “normal” at work. Bleh.
  2. How do people who can work but have a rough time doing it actually keep getting up every day and going? I know everyone’s different. This is a serious problem for me. I work full time because I need to, to avoid being homeless. Yet at least a couple times a week I’m so exhausted I can’t function and stay home. You’d think it’d be enough to remind myself I don’t want to be homeless again. The loss of pay makes things hellish. Yet some mornings I’m so exhausted and sad I don’t go. I’m getting a sleep study soon for sleep apnea (my own request, not the dr’s recommendation) and if that’s an issue,
  3. Wish I had a pdoc/NP like that. Then again, I can’t be on a low dose. I tried. I take lithium, enough to make me a bleh lump that’s too exhausted to go to work many days. Any small bit of feeling good/mania turns into mixed B.S. with lots of agitation and anger. I miss feeling good/motivated/creative. Lithium helps the mania but kills everything else.
  4. Of course take killing yourself out of your plan. Do you have a hotline to call there? They should be able to direct you to help, ASAP. Please, if you can’t get a hotline on the phone or physically get to a clinic, call for the paramedics to come transport you to a hospital. I don’t know the number in Australia; here it’s 911. Stop taking crap meds you bought online and speak with someone who can help! Please let us know you’re ok.
  5. Like the others have said, you may not be able to fix it. A couple years before my own diagnosis, someone very close to me went at me with what could be called unforgivable things and I was so hurt. The person verbally attacking me has bipolar and may have been mixed at the time. My therapist said to try to remember it’s a lot of the illness talking and not the person. That thought came to mind when I really unnecessarily went off on someone. I later apologized and explained I have bipolar disorder and it does not excuse it but may somewhat help explain it. He said nothing. We’re still on spea
  6. Does anyone else have sound sensitivity? It comes and goes, especially when I’m feeling agitated/mixed. Been off work 3 days per pdoc and I go back tomorrow because I cannot afford to be off. Today’s been the worst for the sensitivity. I dread going back tomorrow because my workplace is very noisy and often when on the phone with a client a voice hits a certain pitch and I’m cringing; it’s almost painful. I want to hang up and flee. The pdoc is sending me this afternoon to a depression/anxiety group which is senseless and I don’t want to go because it’s weekly but this is the only day I c
  7. Haven’t seen you back so I’m hoping you talked to the pdoc and things are headed in the right direction.
  8. I don’t know if anyone has info on this or not, but here goes. I’ve looked through the internet and couldn’t find anything. Does anyone know if taking lithium can affect. DTC (direct to consumer) DNA testing (Ancestry, etc.)? I’ve read some chemo meds may affect it, and that things such as denture adhesive can affect the quality but not change the test. What about lithium? Just asking since my results do show DNA matches at 2nd-3rd cousins on both maternal and paternal lines and way beyond but nothing on people closely related to me who’ve also tested. I’m certainly related to my parent
  9. Thank you. I was able on the 3rd day to borrow money from my ex (an uncomfortable conversation, as I also told him why the doctor had me off - which does not excuse but may explain a whole lot of undiagnosed behavior from a couple decades ago when we were married - but glad I did it) and am grateful. I never want to go through how literally sick I made myself last weekend. I know I tend to instantly go to the worse case scenario. I do know about the UD and that it takes time to actually evict (California) - was just fed up with my situation and how I seem to go one step forward, two back.
  10. This is something I’m thinking about a lot lately. People without a mental illness don’t understand the costs we have: broken relationships, lost jobs, and poor spending episodes (putting it mildly). Add in all the costs of meds, doctor visits, therapy appointments - I didn’t choose this, but it is what it is. Staying on meds, for me, has created some stability after years without any. But now I face homelessness in a couple days unless a miracle occurs. I’m pissed off at myself for HAVING this, although I can’t control that I do. I’ve been depressed for quite a while, but still able
  11. Thanks! I hadn’t heard of this book. Looks good and I’ll order it.
  12. Can anyone please aim me toward a site or, better yet, a video that truthfully shows what it’s like to have bipolar disorder? I was diagnosed with BP1 a bit more than a year ago. My kids are adults, don’t live with me and never asked - until one of them did, yesterday: “What it is it, really? What is it like?” - and I’m at a loss to properly explain it. She has a boyfriend now with BP and he’s been pretty stable so she doesn’t know. I always held it together pretty well, for decades, so my kids didn’t realize anything was wrong. They just thought of me as enthusiastic and a bit quirky, and som
  13. Ends up pdoc did lower lithium after I asked again so I could take ibuprofen. Keeping up with blood tests for lithium levels and so far haven’t risen much. At least the inflammation and pain is more tolerable. Thanks for your replies.
  14. I work full time and have had the job 5 yrs. I’m amazed I’m still there, as I have missed a lot of work due to bipolar, med changes that have gone wrong, and physical injuries from a car accident. I live alone and cannot afford to go on disability. I’m in social services and it’s really too much for me. Not sure how much longer I can constantly deal with the public. Until I leave, guess it’s just “fake it ‘til you make it”.
  15. I was wondering about both those publications. Will look into them.
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