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  1. It's true... thoughts are just thoughts. They aren't mandates.
  2. Excellent point. Early intervention is a viable concept for lots of things; why not for self harm, too? I made a massive pot of chili, enough to share with one of my coworkers who is having a rough time. I also got box mix for corn muffins that just required adding an egg and some milk, so there will also be corn muffins. I also went to the pharmacy *finally* and picked up a bunch of meds I have been out of for a while.
  3. It makes sense that you'd have fight/flight mode kick in. Your brain has learned how to respond to a stimulus of something harmful with a readiness to do battle or run away. What I found to be true with meds for me is that they don't make everything better. They just put enough of a chemical floor under me so I'm not continually falling into the abyss. I hope you're finding peace.
  4. Since we've sort of segued from the spirituality aspect into the "alternative treatments" zone, I'm moving this post over to "What the Hell is THAT?!?" section
  5. Microdosing explicitly tries to maintain a dose below that which causes a significant hallucinogenic experience. Several of these substances (MDMA, LSD, psilocybin, ayahuasca and psychoactive component DMT) work on serotonin. Ketamine interacts with glutamate and NMDA receptors. MDMA also works on some other things like oxytocin and cortisol. MDMA assisted psychotherapy is a protocol that uses the enhanced sense of well-being many people experience from MDMA as a way to improve self acceptance and processing/consolidation of traumatic memories. The theory goes something like traumatic memories cause the problems of PTSD (avoidance, hyperarousal, intrusive recollection) when they remain "unconsolidated" or "unprocessed". Some people can access and process traumatic memories through talk, cognitive/exposure, EMDR, or somatic-based approaches. Other people's stress response gets tripped such that there's no window of opportunity to actually process anything. The MDMA protocol has been showing promise in helping this process happen in ways that contribute to long-term recovery for people who have otherwise not had success treating PTSD with psychotherapy and pharmacotherapy available to date. Notice I'm emphasizing this is a process. It's not just going out and taking some molly. It's working with a clinic that has been trained, developing relationship with clinicians, tapering off ALL other psych meds for a period of time (this concerns me quite a bit), and participating in all sessions pre and post MDMA-facilitated sessions, as well as aftercare to integrate the experiences. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/31065731 Ketamine and microdosing LSD have been showing positive effects on depression. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/ketamine-for-major-depression-new-tool-new-questions-2019052216673 (ketamine) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/31288862 (LSD) Psilocybin, particularly microdosing, has shown some benefit for depression and substance abuse https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28481178 (psilocybin) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28540034 (ayahuasca/DMT) Honestly, I think the utility of any of these approaches will continue to be limited by lack of community support and social integration. But I do know that getting one's ass kicked on the daily by depression and PTSD surely makes it more difficult to find community support and social integration. I think it's worth exploring in ethical ways that creates access to everyone... not just white people with money who can afford to travel to Peru and culturally appropriate indigenous knowledge and ceremony.
  6. Ketamine is available on a cash basis in the us, not covered by insurance, as outpatient infusion. i tried to get signed up for mdma trials in NYC but they were only accepting candidates from NYC. Expanded access like the clinic in Philly is getting is my next best bet. try poking around at MAPS.org for more info
  7. Dark net purchase options... not ok on this site folks. Sorry to say. Let's keep discussions above board. There's a place in Philly that has just been approved for expanded access by the FDA. This is good news! The primary issue is not access to MDMA, but to the therapeutic protocol that's been developed to support PTSD around use of MDMA. ETA: microdosing of mushrooms is on the table for treatment resistant depression. Keep looking and researching!
  8. I’m curious about your thought that you should not have posted. Can you help me understand? are you feeling overexposed? Or not wanting to manage the impact of the feedback you’re receiving? Something else?
  9. It's not necessary to leave this place because you get some feedback about posting on this board. We seem to be a little unusual in terms of mental health support sites around self harm in that a) we talk about self harm, but b) we talk about it in terms of helping each other. You're not in trouble, and it's totally ok to vent here. I just wanted to offer a little guidance in case you hadn't seen the "read this before you post here" thread.
  10. I'd actually like to challenge you a bit on the idea that self harm and tattoos are the same difference. Tattoos are socially sanctioned, as you say, piece of art. Self harm is a way to manage distress and make emotions understandable by making them external. Just FYI, in general, we don't talk about methods and tools of self harm here, because we want to support people in finding other ways to manage distress. I'm glad you've found us and I hope you find some helpful resources here.
  11. good on you for sitting with it, echo. that's hard work.
  12. thanks, echolocation. it was really demoralizing to not get it all done, but also helpful to remember that I actually did get a lot done
  13. This list is overwhelming. Kitchen [X]-unload and load dishwasher [X]-wipe down counters and sink [X]-sweep floor [ ]-mop floor [X]-recycling out [X]-trash out Laundry [X]-fold and put away what's clean in the laundry basket [X]-wash, dry, fold, put away load #1 [X]-wash, dry, fold, put away load #2 [X]-wash, dry, fold, put away load #3 [X]-wash, dry, fold, put away load #4 [/ ]-wash, dry, fold, put away load #5 Bathroom [X]-clean sink and mirror [X]-clean toilet [X]-sweep floor [X]-garbage out [ ]-mop floor [ ]-wipe down tub Entryway [X]-vacuum floor [ ]-clean up table Living Room [X]-straighten and wipe down table [ ]-vacuum couch [X]-clean under couch [X]-change litter boxes [X]-take litter out [ ]-rinse vacuum filter 😕 Food [ ]-clean out fridge [X]-figure out what you're eating this week [X]-make grocery list [X]-get groceries [X]-put groceries away [ ]-make lunches (or at least Monday food) [X]-lunch (sandwich + grapes) [X]-dinner (chips, salsa, guacamole) [X]-feed doggo Hygiene [ ] brush and floss teeth [ ] shower + wash hair I also have a bunch of work and studying to do, but I don't think that's going to happen much today.
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