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Everything posted by Wooster

  1. It's true... thoughts are just thoughts. They aren't mandates.
  2. Excellent point. Early intervention is a viable concept for lots of things; why not for self harm, too? I made a massive pot of chili, enough to share with one of my coworkers who is having a rough time. I also got box mix for corn muffins that just required adding an egg and some milk, so there will also be corn muffins. I also went to the pharmacy *finally* and picked up a bunch of meds I have been out of for a while.
  3. It makes sense that you'd have fight/flight mode kick in. Your brain has learned how to respond to a stimulus of something harmful with a readiness to do battle or run away. What I found to be true with meds for me is that they don't make everything better. They just put enough of a chemical floor under me so I'm not continually falling into the abyss. I hope you're finding peace.
  4. Since we've sort of segued from the spirituality aspect into the "alternative treatments" zone, I'm moving this post over to "What the Hell is THAT?!?" section
  5. Microdosing explicitly tries to maintain a dose below that which causes a significant hallucinogenic experience. Several of these substances (MDMA, LSD, psilocybin, ayahuasca and psychoactive component DMT) work on serotonin. Ketamine interacts with glutamate and NMDA receptors. MDMA also works on some other things like oxytocin and cortisol. MDMA assisted psychotherapy is a protocol that uses the enhanced sense of well-being many people experience from MDMA as a way to improve self acceptance and processing/consolidation of traumatic memories. The theory goes something like traumatic memories cause the problems of PTSD (avoidance, hyperarousal, intrusive recollection) when they remain "unconsolidated" or "unprocessed". Some people can access and process traumatic memories through talk, cognitive/exposure, EMDR, or somatic-based approaches. Other people's stress response gets tripped such that there's no window of opportunity to actually process anything. The MDMA protocol has been showing promise in helping this process happen in ways that contribute to long-term recovery for people who have otherwise not had success treating PTSD with psychotherapy and pharmacotherapy available to date. Notice I'm emphasizing this is a process. It's not just going out and taking some molly. It's working with a clinic that has been trained, developing relationship with clinicians, tapering off ALL other psych meds for a period of time (this concerns me quite a bit), and participating in all sessions pre and post MDMA-facilitated sessions, as well as aftercare to integrate the experiences. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/31065731 Ketamine and microdosing LSD have been showing positive effects on depression. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/ketamine-for-major-depression-new-tool-new-questions-2019052216673 (ketamine) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/31288862 (LSD) Psilocybin, particularly microdosing, has shown some benefit for depression and substance abuse https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28481178 (psilocybin) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28540034 (ayahuasca/DMT) Honestly, I think the utility of any of these approaches will continue to be limited by lack of community support and social integration. But I do know that getting one's ass kicked on the daily by depression and PTSD surely makes it more difficult to find community support and social integration. I think it's worth exploring in ethical ways that creates access to everyone... not just white people with money who can afford to travel to Peru and culturally appropriate indigenous knowledge and ceremony.
  6. Ketamine is available on a cash basis in the us, not covered by insurance, as outpatient infusion. i tried to get signed up for mdma trials in NYC but they were only accepting candidates from NYC. Expanded access like the clinic in Philly is getting is my next best bet. try poking around at MAPS.org for more info
  7. Dark net purchase options... not ok on this site folks. Sorry to say. Let's keep discussions above board. There's a place in Philly that has just been approved for expanded access by the FDA. This is good news! The primary issue is not access to MDMA, but to the therapeutic protocol that's been developed to support PTSD around use of MDMA. ETA: microdosing of mushrooms is on the table for treatment resistant depression. Keep looking and researching!
  8. I’m curious about your thought that you should not have posted. Can you help me understand? are you feeling overexposed? Or not wanting to manage the impact of the feedback you’re receiving? Something else?
  9. It's not necessary to leave this place because you get some feedback about posting on this board. We seem to be a little unusual in terms of mental health support sites around self harm in that a) we talk about self harm, but b) we talk about it in terms of helping each other. You're not in trouble, and it's totally ok to vent here. I just wanted to offer a little guidance in case you hadn't seen the "read this before you post here" thread.
  10. I'd actually like to challenge you a bit on the idea that self harm and tattoos are the same difference. Tattoos are socially sanctioned, as you say, piece of art. Self harm is a way to manage distress and make emotions understandable by making them external. Just FYI, in general, we don't talk about methods and tools of self harm here, because we want to support people in finding other ways to manage distress. I'm glad you've found us and I hope you find some helpful resources here.
  11. good on you for sitting with it, echo. that's hard work.
  12. thanks, echolocation. it was really demoralizing to not get it all done, but also helpful to remember that I actually did get a lot done
  13. This list is overwhelming. Kitchen [X]-unload and load dishwasher [X]-wipe down counters and sink [X]-sweep floor [ ]-mop floor [X]-recycling out [X]-trash out Laundry [X]-fold and put away what's clean in the laundry basket [X]-wash, dry, fold, put away load #1 [X]-wash, dry, fold, put away load #2 [X]-wash, dry, fold, put away load #3 [X]-wash, dry, fold, put away load #4 [/ ]-wash, dry, fold, put away load #5 Bathroom [X]-clean sink and mirror [X]-clean toilet [X]-sweep floor [X]-garbage out [ ]-mop floor [ ]-wipe down tub Entryway [X]-vacuum floor [ ]-clean up table Living Room [X]-straighten and wipe down table [ ]-vacuum couch [X]-clean under couch [X]-change litter boxes [X]-take litter out [ ]-rinse vacuum filter 😕 Food [ ]-clean out fridge [X]-figure out what you're eating this week [X]-make grocery list [X]-get groceries [X]-put groceries away [ ]-make lunches (or at least Monday food) [X]-lunch (sandwich + grapes) [X]-dinner (chips, salsa, guacamole) [X]-feed doggo Hygiene [ ] brush and floss teeth [ ] shower + wash hair I also have a bunch of work and studying to do, but I don't think that's going to happen much today.
  14. Sadly, I think for the most part you are correct in wondering if wrong records can only be best corrected by newer ones. if you are in the US, HIPAA makes provisions to request amends to your medical recourse. And if the request is denied, you have the right to submit documentation about why you believe the information is erroneous. i guess it depends on how much you care and how much effort you want to put in to correcting it often it seems that just moving forward with a provider who gets you in a more holistic way can be a path of least resistance to build up a more accurate record.
  15. I think there’s a lot of “relativity” in the language you’re using. for example, if someone develops hypercholesteremia and other metabolic effects from quetiapine and subsequently dies from a heart attack, that’s not exactly gentle in my mind. *shrug* different meds work better for different people. That’s why we have to partner with our health care providers. im glad you have confidence in yours, Simba Cub.
  16. I'm confused. How are you posting as yourself if you've been logged out and can't get logged in? Oh duh... I should learn how to read... because your phone still works. Ok. Check your messages.
  17. Thanks for clarifying. So if I'm understanding you correctly, you're citing personal experience of what a health care provider has told you, not peer reviewed or professionally prepared patient information, yeah? If so, it would be great to say that in your original post next time to keep us all from wondering and to open the discussion more, as in: Hey all, my pdoc says clozapine is a "dirty" drug because it gets used for a lot of things. Does that sound similar to what you've heard/read/been told? Because what you're saying you mean by originally "messy" and now "dirty" is that the med is used for a lot of different conditions/symptoms/ect, not that it has a complex side effect profile.
  18. Is it possible to accept that not everyone will feel the same about the phrase? That some people will feel more annoyed or irritated by it? And that others will find it more benign? By telling me that "it could be worse" in how someone responds IS EXACTLY the dynamic we are talking about: undercutting my experience and telling me about yours. It's really frustrating to me that some folks are feeling the need to tell me that how people respond could be worse. For me, the above is MUCH easier to deal with because it shows me that people are clearly working their own agenda, whatever that is, and they do not deserve to be trusted with my story. And it's also possible that for a lot of people the above things would be very invalidating. In a more ideal world, I would find it helpful if people said things like: -That sounds really painful. -I realize it was a while ago. How does it affect you now? -Ouch. -How did you get through the worst of it? (if you are through the worst of it) -I'm glad you are still here. -I'm glad you didn't die. -I know not all wounds are visible on the outside but they can still hurt like a mo-fo. -I appreciate you trusting me enough to tell me something important like this.
  19. Eta: I think also because that phrase to me represents pity rather than empathy.
  20. Look, y’all, just because something isn’t patently flat out offensive doesn’t mean it doesn’t cause harm. Part of what trauma that leads to PTSD does is to cause a rift in connection with other humans. When someone appears to be interested, it’s always a calculated risk as to whether you will get a helpful, neutral, or harmful response. Being responded to as though you are Frankenstein’s monster (with shock and horror) reflects back a disconnect that indicates other people are unable to process, fathom, or otherwise relate to you AS A HUMAN BEING, instead of as a very horrible thing that happened.
  21. MDMA assisted psychotherapy is currently in phase 3 clinical trials for PTSD treatment. I’m hoping o can connect with someone to learn more and see if it’s an option. MAPS is a nonprofit that champions a lot of legitimizing psychedelics research.
  22. I got switched from lorazepam to clonazepam after a months long slow-to-warm-up-to-the-idea process. it was a helpful change for me. it was also really helpful to do non-pharm interventions like increasing my physical activity, dramatically cutting back caffeine (1-2 cups coffee MAX and only before noon ever), eating more fruit and vegetables, and active forms of meditation like mindful walking and yoga, and a nice dose of acceptance and commitment therapy coupled with sertraline, which seemed to help a lot with intrusive thoughts You probably know this already. Benzos are really only good for addressing symptoms and won’t ever get at causes, and are best used as a lifeline med or in conjunction with other forms of anxiety treatment
  23. Sometimes people find a rotation of sleep meds that work for them so they don't build up tolerance to any one thing in particular. Z-drugs and benzos, I'm looking at you. Lack of (restful) sleep and extreme difficutly falling asleep are two hallmark symptoms of as well as predictors of things getting worse for me as well. What's currently mildly to moderately helpful is gabapentin + clonazepam + propranolol (to take out the pre-sleep anxiety).
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