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Everything posted by AshleyS

  1. SO they put me on Gabapentin Topamax Klonopin Ambien clonidine, and metoprolol and Cymbalta. I have been on them all before just not all at once. I start seeing a trauma specialist soon and that is very scary to me. I don't feel ready. My pdoc brought back up dissociation again which could be going on, I just thought I was passed that and knew how to ground myself.
  2. So, the past three months have been a bunch of lows for me. I left my husband, I moved in with my sister, I left my sister to move back with my husband, and in the process of all of this, I lost my friends well people who said they were my friends. I know my husband did wrong by people, shit I did wrong by people we both are only human with MI. Everyone has issues some more than others. But my issues are deeper then that. I hurt badly. I cry daily. I feel like i am floating on a cloud watching myself live down below me. They have me on the same meds i have been one for 3 months now and they seem to keep me not so depressed but now i feel disconnected from my life and my body. This isn't normal, is it? Anyways, thanks for listening Ashley
  3. Not really i am strugglng badly. Me and my husband are getting a divorce and i had to get a protection order so i would say i am not well at all
  4. i dont have a tdoc not like if i dd it would help
  5. So I was doing so good. College was going great love was great chat was great. Now it isnt I ended up cutting myself today first time in over a year and I feel like i need to do it again. I hate this feeling. But i know i wont pass. What do i do? I am losing my shit
  6. this is nuts.... Chat is the only place I feel safe. ARE YOU KIDDEN ME.... SO SAD
  7. I know this is point less But i wanted to say hi and that I miss you. I know ur in a better plac e now but it hurts. Pod please watch over all of us crazys make sure we are all safe. Also have a seat at the table ready for us when it is are time. I Love you man 

    I cant believe ur gone :(


    1. WednesdayPotter


      Wait what??? What happened!?

  8. Thank Jt it is super hard and on top of all this i start school in a week. idk if i am going to be able to do this.who knows
  9. I went into chat yesterday thinking Pod could help me with a recipe. HE wasn't there i instantly started crying. HE will be miss os much more then words can tell. Pod was always there to talk to u or even lift u up when u were down. Pod was able to change my screen name for me. Pod showed me how to cook . He took his time out to help who ever and when ever they need it. Pod i will forever be grateful to have met you. I will never forget u FLY HIGH POD YOU DESERVE IT
  10. are you ok havent seen u in forever 

    hope all is well 

  11. I don't know how to start this. so here goes. I am hurting, hurting in more than one-way shape and form. I give everything I have to get nothing back. I hurt more than ever. I miss pod, Went to ask him a question and he wasn't there;( (crying so hard so this might end up all wacky) I hurt for the people how are hurting. I feel bad for the people how I have hurt. I am scared about this new President. I am scared I will die from my cancer. I am hurting scared and alone in a room full of people. I wish i could understand more. I want more than anything to tell someone how I felt but it will never happen. I am sorry this is all over the place.
  12. that shit sucks wait its never happened
  13. I think it looks great. Do you use markers or crayons or colored pencils
  14. I color nothing to great just a stress relief.
  15. no problem hun. At the end of the day, you are in charge of your body do what you think is best for it. Knowing u you will make the best decision for yourself you got this. (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
  16. So I am a veggie, i am not super strict i eat eggs and sometimes chicken . I think you're right about the way animals are treated. But I am not a veggie because of that I am this way because i have cancer and the healthier I eat the better I feel. If you don't want to eat meat that is great if u want to only eat some meat that is great. No matter who other people view their food they can't make u do the same. We are by nature meat eaters so it is natural to want to eat meat. Just remember if u don't eat meat u need to find protein and iron in other ways. Look it up find out what works best for you. SO may say I am a fake veggie because I sometimes eat chcken. Well, that is ok as long as i am in control of my body I will eat what makes me feel good. Also never let anyone tell you u are wrong for feeling the way you do.
  17. AshleyS


    From the album: AshleyS

  18. AshleyS


    doggy and me
  19. life is a choice. Then i want to opt out of it. I would rather not be here
  20. Update: I am going to see the specialist again on the 17th. They had to do more test to confirm dx'es. Also i had to see a lung specialist due to a partial lung collapsing. Am i ok HELL NO. I know i need to be IP but i will NOT be putting myself in it.
  21. Everyday is a struggle. Want to die, knowing its wrong. Have no strenth to do it. Am i safe not by choice have zero energy to do anything let alone kill myself. Hoping for the best, expecting the worst 

  22. well shit is getting worse.I am bout to crash and burn and maybe never wake up
  23. scared af about to go see this new cancer doctor
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