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About ElectricFeel

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  1. I know! We really do think about ourselves first, but people talk about what has happened to them, and a person shouting "child abuser!" at you, or seeing someone singing very loudly in the street is still something that has happened to you. I don't dwell on this as much as I did two months ago, but still...I'm afraid that someone that saw me acting out and will recognize me just walking down the street. At least two months later I know that not everybody knows about any of this acting out, well. I still feel like I did the biggest ridicule ever. I don't know how my brain did that. I'm st
  2. Not now with COVID that I know of. Me too. I didn't tell anyone, I just screamed one day that I thought my family was possesed cause I couldn't take anything more on, I was on the brisk of a panick attack. Though I think it'd be wise for you to tell someone who knows that your mind can get to that and that could help you. I'm happy to hear most people are compassionate towards you and what you go through. Do you live in a big town or city?
  3. Hi! Happy holidays! I hope everything's going well in your lives. I had my first psychotic episode this summer. It lasted from around june to november, when I was put in the psychiatric area of the hospital. I feel totally embarassed by this, I went around town screaming at people some times. Me shouting around happened like 3 or 4 times, two of those days I called those people 'child abusers'. I was convinced they were. Also I started talking out loud with the voices in my head like, in...october? Maybe it was october, it's a bit hard for me to recall time frames for this. I thoug
  4. I don't know why but I don't get notifications from replies now I just wanted to let you know that I passed all my exams I did this and by training the brain to study I could actually study for an entire hour for the last two exams! I didn't think I'd be able to do it again. There were some days on which I couldn't even study at all due to PTSD but I guess that by starting way beforehand I minimized the risks. I'm so proud of myself.
  5. This is gonna be a long post so I apologize in advance. I'm really confused, I don't really know if I'm having psychosis symptoms. I was in an abusive relationship for three years which totally messed me up. The next relationship I had was also abusive, though it was less severe. It ended last year in August, and I was so anxious because all that had happened that one day I went to see my psychiatrist without an appointment and I yelled at him about how I wanted to try Lamitcal again (it had the best results I've had with medication but it gave me rash) and about how I wasn't gonna t
  6. I do practice self-compassion, too, but not as a 'therapy technique'. It's really hard, but it gets easier as you start doing it. I challenge every self-loathing thought that I can. I've been practicing self-compassion for three years but sometimes negative thoughts slip through anyway. Learning about cognitive distortios helped me identifying where I was just being way too hard on myself for no reason. Whenever I think, for example, 'I don't deserve quality relationships 'cause I'm a mess and I don't have anything valuable to offer' or something like that, I just stop and say, 'No, that's j
  7. I was gonna answer like two weeks ago. While I was writing I realized I still feel incredible guilt and shame for everything. I don't expect it to go away completely anytime soon, but guilt, shame and anger are the most difficult emotions to deal with for me. Guilt has been in my life for so long that I don't think it'll ever go away, actually. I'll just have to learn how to live with it and accept is as a companion. Oh well. I do the same. Gaslighting sure is hell. Making a linear story about everything incredibly helped me in the beginning, but now...I don't know. I think it's time
  8. Unless it's paralyzing, I'm actually prioritizing myself. I've accomplished so much lately, but it's really frustrating when I try to tell myself, as you do, 'I understand these feelings, but I want to do x' and my mind just answers 'you can't do that right now. You can't escape from these thoughts'. That's what's been happening. Luckily I'm better now compared to last month, though. I'm also somehow grateful when regressions happen, 'cause it's an opportunity to acknowledge some wounds which have not been taken proper care of. I've understand that there is a part of me that wants to hold
  9. Hi. I don't really know it this should have Trigger Warning, but anyway: TW: ABUSE I'd been really well from december to february, but since a month ago or so I've been feeling really stuck, especially these last two weeks, I'm recalling all the secondary wounding and how everything that he put me through still has a heavy influence in my mind, my thoughts, and my overall life. I've lost almost all faith in humanity, I've been abused so many times. I try to think that my social life will start improving at one point but I don't really believe some times, and when I do, it's just
  10. Are you going to therapy at this moment? Yes, finding a good therapist that adapts to your needs can be overwhelming and tiring, but when you find the right one for you the patience pays off. Maybe try going outside for a walk even if you don't feel like it. When we're depressed we have to force ourselves to take small steps for us to not get stuck in bed all day. It takes a lot, but once you start it gets easier. I've also found that meditating helps a freaking lot. You don't even have to get out of bed for this one for the days where it seems impossible (the app says you have to be
  11. Hi, sorry for taking so long in answering. I'm just trying to spend more time than I did before checking my notes and everything. My memory seems to be improving little by little. Thinking of studying with more people or outside my home gives me anxiety lol I'm trying to make the notes more simplified each time, but it's still more difficult than it was before. I hope it's working anyway. I have exams in may. Let's pray I pass!
  12. Hi I was in an abusive relationship for two years and a half, he stalked me for six months after that. The whole thing was horrible from the start, those three years seem like a fuzzy nightmare. I've been recovering since last year, I took a year off. Now I'm retaking the same classes. I remember some subjects, those of before 2016. From others I don't recall a thing, even though when I look through my notes there are things highlighted and everything. And I don't know how to study. Looking through my notes I realize I made driagams and I was able to simplify the texts, but now
  13. Yes. I used to feel that what I saw was the same as a movie. My perception of the depth of the objects was off, as if it was in 2D, but in 3D at the same time. Colours felt like a filter sometimes, too. I haven't felt like that in a long time (like...9 months or so...it's not actually that long). But it was so normal to me for the last few years that I remember it exactly.
  14. So...yeah, when I sign in my internet automatically redirects me to a random topic?? It's been like this for months, like, from february or march. It doesn't happen every time. It's really werid. I've logged in from my desk computer and my phone, and it happens in both devices. I don't have any malicious software in any of them. Any thoughts?
  15. Ashamed. Humiliated. Empty. I can't cry, but I want to. I hope we can all feel better tomorrow. ♥
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