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  1. Yes I understand, but different communities have different cultures, some are okay with discussing things like that, some will shout you down and call you anti-psychiatry. Takes me a little while to figure out a new community.
  2. Yeah I made a few leaps of faith, focusing mostly on what the FDA had approved them for, and assuming that there were at least some studies that swayed the FDA. It's also entirely possible that FDA corruption allowed such approvals without any solid evidence, but that would get a little bit into conspiracy theory type territory, which tends to be frowned upon in mental health peer support communities. So if I start with the assumption that the FDA approved the use of these meds for the checked-off mood states listed, due to at least some significant evidence in studies, then Seroquel would still look like the best bet to try next.
  3. Yes I understand, but it looks like the best bet so far. Latuda made me feel mixed, and Risperdal made me feel depressed/suicidal. Although it could also be more correct to say that Latuda simply did not help with mixed states, and Risperdal simply could not help with depression, as opposed to that they caused it. Basically like they covered one end of the stick but not the other, so it was like my brain just switched gears to the uncovered end. Since my pdoc is against mood stabilizers and insists on AP monotherapy, I've got to find an AP that can cover both, and so far Seroquel seems to be the only one that showed anything of any significance in that regard.
  4. So while I wasn't able to find anything explaining just how exactly APs are supposed to help with mood, I did find this: http://www.medscape.org/viewarticle/554128 And from this it looks like only Seroquel has been shown to be able to improve both mania symptoms and depression symptoms in trials. So another vote for trying Seroquel for me, since my pdoc is adamant about doing AP monotherapy.
  5. Yes I know I am struggling with this feeling. I feel almost panicked half the time that nothing is going to work. I have the sort of mind where if I can at least understand something better, though, it can help to ease anxiety.
  6. But is it really a "stabilizer" if it just makes you switch from one to the other? To me stabilize means to get rid of both, not just switch it up. Like I said, I was able to identify benefits from both of the meds, so I don't think they are worthless for mood, completely. But they don't seem to stabilize.
  7. I've looked up how atypical anti-psychotics work, by affecting dopamine and serotonin. I've also looked up how mood stabilizers work, and it's completely different. For example, the explanation for Depakote was: "The brain naturally produces a chemical neurotransmitter called GABA (gamma amino-butyric acid) that helps to calm and relax nerves, thereby stabilizing moods. Depakote works to increase the amount of GABA / The brain may not produce enough GABA to soothe overstimualted nerves, so Depakote works to stimulate production of the calming chemical the brain needs." (From LiveStrong.com) So I don't really understand how an AP is supposed to really be a mood stabilizer. My pdoc thinks I have Schizoaffective so I understand why she said "no" to letting me try an anti-depressant, but I also don't get why she thinks monotherapy with an anti-psychotic is the golden ticket and won't consider anything else. (And this could also include something in addition to the AP, not in place of the AP, so it's not like I'm trying to persuade her to let me go AP-free.) In my experiences so far, APs do jack shit for mood, really. I felt hypomanic and impulsive on Latuda. I became very depressed and felt suicidal on Risperdal. Now both of these medications did have benefits. The Latuda for example relieved depression, I felt it. The Risperdal for example relieved some anxiety and agitation, I felt that, too. But neither of them had "stabilizing" effects, they just shoved me from one end of the spectrum to the other. Gee, thanks? When I've vented about this online on various communities, I get told the same thing, everywhere, that AP's have mood stabilizing properties, and that it makes sense that my pdoc wants to just use an AP. Okay but like HOW? Nobody has been able to answer that yet. They are completely different meds that do completely different things, and my own experiences are not helping to convince me. Since stopping Risperdal I have swung back from depressed, to feeling agitated and generally "wound up". My sleep is crap again. When I see my pdoc again on the 12th, I know she is going to try to roll out the next atypical anti-psychotic for me to try. And I know part of this (what I am thinking/feeling) is because I am already very agitated, so part of it is my "mood" I know, but at the same time it's like wtf is the deal. Obviously just an AP is not working out very well, and I don't see why she would expect it to given they are completely different meds. That do completely different things. Aaauurghh. But my previous pdoc was the same way. Is this a recent trend in psychiatry? My previous pdoc said she thought I had Bipolar 1 with psychotic features. She noted that I seemed to experience very irritable mixed states, and also depression states. So she put me on Zyprexa. And that was after she told me out of nowhere, "Well I'm not going to put you on Depakote." I didn't even know what Depakote was and didn't bring it up, but she said it out of nowhere. Are people abusing mood stabilizers? Is there some street value to them? I felt like she was acting like I was after pain killers or something, and it was very confusing. Is this why psychiatrists are trying to turn to APs only?
  8. I've received conflicting information on this, so I have no idea, really. I always have insight when things are going "haywire"in my mind, as in I know that things are going haywire and that's a problem with my mind/brain. This has always allowed me to mostly hide my symptoms, it's the anxiety and resulting sleep-deprivation that eventually does me in. My psychiatrist tries to convince me that it's still psychosis, and that some people (which she thinks includes me) retain insight even while psychotic. Then many other sources I read say that's a load of BS and that psychosis by its very definition includes loss of insight. So I guess it depends on which professional you ask.
  9. Based on my experiences with it, if I took it as a PRN, all it would do is give me a stuffy nose and make me feel drunk. In the short-term Risperidone just felt like a very weird benzo. Like if you consider a tranquilizer dart to be good for anti-anxiety, then Risperdal might be an agreeable PRN for you. I didn't notice any genuine anti-anxiety relief until I had been on it for a week. My experiences on Zyprexa were a little different, though. I think Zyprexa could make a decent PRN. When I was on 10mg, I would feel the relief within an hour of taking it.
  10. Most of my traits have mellowed out considerably over the past 5 or so years (I'm coming up on 28 soon). It was extremely rough in my early 20s, though. For me self-awareness is the big ticket, the more self-aware you can become, the better you can come with strategies to guide yourself through tough reactions and situations. If you have BPD then you might struggle with invalidation so being invalidated by your mother could very easily become a power struggle to get sucked into. Try not to let yourself get sucked into it. That might be the very first big challenge you have on your journey to recovery, learning how to not need your mother's validation and to be confident in your own awareness.
  11. If Abilify can make some people manic, it makes sense that it could send someone on a gambling spree.
  12. I think it's more like my mother gets the concept of mental illness, but she also has massive denial problems. She is an extremely smart woman, impressive career, etc. I have a hard time believing she is too dumb to "understand" mental illness, but she acts that way. It's like when she doesn't like something, she pretends it's not real. So when she is dealing with me personally she acts like mental illness isn't a real thing. Like when I had to go off the Latuda and she asked why, I told her it gave me akathisia. She said she didn't know what that was. So I explained it to her, and she just walked away without saying anything like she was mad. Thanks for all the suggestions from everyone regardless, I appreciate it. I just needed to vent really bad.
  13. Thanks for the suggestion. Unfortunately my psychiatrist is adamant that I just be on an anti-psychotic and nothing else. She thinks I have schizoaffective disorder, so she thinks it's schizophrenia plus a mood disorder. Even when I asked her about an anti-depressant she said no.
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