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About Poem

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    Howling at the Moon

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  1. @kittyloaf Thank you so much for sharing with me. It really means a lot more than you can imagine. Our diagnoses journey does seem similar (depression --> bipolar --> schizoaffective.) I'm just so tired of this "dx game." I've seen multiple psych people in the past, and recently started seeing a new Pdoc. Maybe they will be open to exploring this with me? *sigh* Everyone else just kind of piggybacked from the previous provider's chart and never questioned the bipolar part. Anyway...I just want to make progress. I've been on meds/therapy combo for 7 years and nothing has changed in m
  2. Hello everyone, So it has been a while since I have posted on the forum, but I wanted to hear from others on this topic. What does identity instability look like for people with borderline personality disorder? I want to get feedback from people who actually deal with this problem. The reason is that I believe I deal with this problem (feeling like I don't know who I am, confusion about gender/sexuality, not knowing what I truly believe in, feeling like I lose myself in others, changing goals/career ideas, etc.) This is a longstanding issue. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder in
  3. I have problems with racing thoughts, and a frequent player in that mix is music. I will bounce through snatches of songs effortlessly without finishing any of them completely. Start a song, go to the next, go to the next, go to the next, repeat to infinity. I have to take an antipsychotic to calm my brain down. Anyway, not saying that that is what is going on with you, but if you feel something isn't right, you might mention it to your provider. Never hurts. However, the phenomenon isn't uncommon (as most poster's here testified) for people to get a song stuck in their head. It can happe
  4. @coraline It was so nerve wracking! But thank you for being one of the people to push me in the right direction. Knowing that you were able to push beyond your shyness, helped me to solidify my resolve (even if I felt like dying during sharing!) I seriously hope this gets the ball rolling. Poem
  5. @Iceberg Tell me about it! I've seen over five providers already. And there's the constant re-explaining of everything. Ugh. What disturbed me about the anti psychotic thing was that my current provider didn't offer any other options or look for any for me, after I explained that I was allergic to the last one. To clarify, I have had other anti psychotics in the past, but the cons outdid the pros. I've tried Seroquel, Risperdal, Latuda, Zyprexa, Geodon, Haloperidol, Perphenazine, Saphris, Abilify, and God knows what else. Poem
  6. @Iceberg Well, I talked in depth with my therapist today. They are going to get me an appointment with my current provider (even though I want nothing to do with the provider anymore.) But since I don't have any antipsychotic, like I mentioned, we both thought it would be the best option until I get to see my new Pdoc. Anyways, my therapist might end up coming to the appointment with me to help out in getting the facts across/advocacy, so I'm hoping there will be some discussion about moving forward with meds! In any case, all the cards are on the table now, and even though it was v
  7. @aura Thanks for your input. I'm glad you are finding some stability! I keep seeing clozapine come up. That is one (in a long list) I haven't tried. I'm hoping talking to someone about all this will make a serious change, too. I am going to pour my heart out today, and hopefully things will move in the right direction. Thanks for your support everyone. I'm still pretty scared about it! Poem
  8. You're right. It is not like I am seeking out meds and who would joke about psychosis! And I should say something to get the best treatment. But I just don't trust the person I'm with and am afraid of opening up. I'm only seeing a nurse practitioner and it is seriously like they won't/can't do anything. They just tell me to see my GP for things that could be side affects of my meds! They even said they can't interpret most of my lab work. But you're right, I can't jump ahead and think about their reactions. I'm just happy to be moving on to someone else. Sorry about the abusive relatio
  9. @browri Honestly, things are not going swimmingly. I have been having symptomatic breakthroughs (from disorder - which both lithium + lamictal are supposed to help control) since the end of last year to the present. Something needs to change, but I don't know what. Anxiety is almost always present. My current provider isn't doing anything. The only thing they did do was give me a new AP Rx which caused an allergic reaction! Needless to say, I'm moving on, and hopefully to someone who can fix the mess I'm in. Poem
  10. Feelings of being touched, hit, etc. by a non entity is a form of psychotic symptom. I once felt "someone" pass their arm right through my back and out my stomach. I don't blame you for thinking it's a ghost! I did too at the time. But too be honest, it is a noted symptom, so keep a close eye on things. Best wishes, Poem
  11. Greetings, So, I found out recently that my diagnosis had changed from Bipolar 1 to Schizoaffective Disorder: Bipolar Type. This diagnoses switch was done 2 YEARS ago and nobody told me. Sure, my Pdoc at the time said it might be a possibility, but I was really upset that no one bothered to clue me in. Anyway. The thing is, I've been shuffled around through so many Pdocs and psychiatric nurse practitioners and I have never told them my whole story. My first ever Pdoc asked if I ever had any psychotic symptoms. I said that I would hear my name being called, and before I could say any
  12. @browri Sorry I haven't been on the forum for a bit, but I appreciate your response all the same! Very interesting info. Turns out I only took a few doses of Topamax in the end. My sleep was so erratic it was impossible to time it the way the Pdoc wanted. So it is now in my pill graveyard. (With Pdoc's knowledge of course.) Poem
  13. Sad, lonely, isolated. I've been more social lately, but noticed that I get jealous of other people having friends. It is like I want to keep the few people I know all to myself. Stupid, but true. I feel isolation in a way because I feel like no one understands how I feel. I get easily attached to someone if they show me kindness. I'm like a dog who will be faithful to the first person who pets me. Ah, ramble...I'm tired.
  14. Hello, it has been awhile! Well, my old psychiatrist retired and I am now stuck with a new one. A tele-med provider. Without really letting me know if they read my chart (they even made mistakes when asking what meds I was on now) they prescribed me topamax to take alongside my usual anxiety med due to (duh) increase in anxiety. They said the added benefit would be that I would be able to lose weight as well, since my previous meds made me...ahem, chunky. And I told them I have body issues. Here's the thing. I did a little research about the weight loss and all studies said that it w
  15. Hi everyone, I had a bout where I drank everyday for a month. Super stupid I know. Now that I have been clean for over a month, I still find that I crave the occasional drink. How long did it take for others to stop craving alcohol? I started drinking last year, so am relatively "new" but can still put away 4 drinks a night without getting drunk. Any anecdotes would be helpful. Thanks, Poem
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