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Everything posted by StarCrazy

  1. I never claimed to be a doctor. But from my perspective as a patient Im saying I would avoid it.
  2. You've got a pretty difficult choice @GrannyG81 . I think if you open that door you have to be willing to accept that you may get hurt but whats on the other side. But leaving it shut I think is worse. If I were you I would try and reach out. You clearly still care and you will feel worse if you do nothing. Just don't expect it to be super easy.
  3. Definitely avoid seroquel! It really slowed my thinking down to an uncomfortable degree. (And I gained quite a lot of weight on it)
  4. Your Dad doesnt want you living with him. It probably costs more money to live in a slightly bigger house etc. Im in a very similar situation. Where my Dad makes me feel unwelcome but I cant afford to move out and he knows it. Your mother is trying to make you feel better, but really shes just denying the truth and that isnt helpful for anyone. Really your Dad needs to try and be more emapthetic rather than harbouring anger and ill will.
  5. Thanks 0112358. I feel lucky I have my parents to live off of. But both my Granddad and my Mum have hinted that I should look for somewhere to live on my own recently. I just don't know if its possible and I don't like uncertainty that it brings. I also don't get on with my household very well other than my Mum and when they went away on holiday I felt a lot less stress in general. I saw someone post a bedsit in a cheaper area of the country and it was still like £400 a month excluding bills. I was just wondering if there was something I am missing.
  6. The British government gives me £500 to live off a month Average rent in my area is £950. (Not including bills and of course food) I've looked at moving to a much cheaper area, but rent is still £400 at best. I don't understand what Im supposed to do. It makes me think about suicide a lot because I just can't afford to exist without working, and I don't feel like I can work.
  7. I experienced this when I was 15. I thought for sure my ex girlfriend was making a TV show about me where she was mocking me while secretly filming me. It went away eventually, but the weirdest thing was knowing it wasn't true and believing it at the same time. Duality. I also remember checking bathrooms and bedrooms etc for cameras incase my family were filming me.
  8. Ive had schizoaffective disorder for over 10 years and my Dad still doesn't really understand what it is. I was thinking of buying him a book on the subject and just wondered if anyone had recommendations?
  9. Hey. I was wondering what the easiest thing to eat with Latuda's 350 calories? I think I'm going to buy a whole selection of snacks and add em up to 350 - but I was wondering if anyone already did this or could share what they have? When I was on Seroquel - I would eat a bowl of cereal with my meds as it would make me less likely to get munchies. But with Latdua - I have to eat 350 calroies - which is quite a lot more than a bowl of cereal. I tried having Latuda with my dinner last night and I ended up getting sedated way too early and wasting way too much time not sleeping.
  10. I think its important to note that agoraphobia and social anxiety gets worse and worse the more reclusive one's lifestyle becomes. Whenever I've had really bad social anxiety its because I've shut myself away for a good month plus.
  11. Some days are worse than others. It's definitely worth investing in some nice ear phones to shut the world out. Calms me down and makes me less anxious/paranoid.
  12. Sorry, just added that info to my sig! Its not so much I'm losing interest, its that I'm fatigued after quite short bursts. 10 years ago I'd stay up all night writing music or playing games. I'd do it most of a day. At the momnent I'm taking breaks from doing it at all becasue of low energy.
  13. I first became unwell 12 years ago now. Schizoaffective is my current diagnosis. With bipolar/depression in there too. Not held down a job or done really anything terms of work/volunteering/studying. I get out a couple of times a week to make music with friends. Recently (last several months) I've really started to notice that my window for doing things that require attention (making music, playing video games, writing etc) is getting smaller and smaller. After 3 or 4 hours (possibly 5 on a good day), I'm so tired I'm ready to go lie down and not do much at all. I have no idea how people work all day every day. Anyone else feel like this? Is it normal for this to get worse with age? I don't feel like I had such extreme tiredness 5 years ago or so. I'm not even 30 yet.
  14. I don't disagree with you @jt07 . And I'm not trying to suggest that one shouldn't meet their birth parents. I guess he must have been quite happy where he was and didn't want to open old wounds. He was a very rational thinker and politically free-spirited person - I imagine it was something he had given a lot of thought to. There's also that whole thing of never being able to unknow things, unsee information etc. I imagine he just was just happier with the door kept shut.
  15. Not myself but I had two separate friends sometime ago who both were. One (a very kind/caring man in his late 40s) said he was never interested. His argument essentially was that if he wasn't worth the effort of raising, why would he want to meet them? Sure he had their DNA - but that was the only link. The other one (late teens) had a very different mindset. He was curious to meet them, but he was also aware that he was removed from their custody (not given up wilfully) and that it might not be the best idea, nor an easy process. I can't imagine how hard it is.
  16. I have the same problem and I think its really common, and just part of the drug family (anti psychotics). (Though there are some exceptions) With seroquel I find myself often wanting to eat when the sedation kicks in and the only way round that is to eat a small meal (like cereal, crackers etc) before I take the meds. My main thing I would say to you with weight gain is that it is under you control. It isn't easy but it is possible to get your weight to what you want it to be. Just don't give up, and don't be too hard on yourself. In terms of losing weight while on anti psychotic - my only successes starts when I really look in the mirror at who I am now and who I wanna be in a years time, (and who I want to be generally). If I were you, I wouldn't worry about a few pounds, unless you already have a high BMI before those pounds were added. Regardless, in general you have to do exercise. Its very easy to sit and not do much while on anti psychotics. But you need to be getting tired and using up energy in a physical way regularly. Even 20 minutes of brisk walking every day adds up over time. Its hard to give general advice based on the limited info you've given, but I hope there is something useful from above. If you want to talk more - are these the first anti psychotics you've been on? Do you have a healthy weight before hand? (I was very underweight when I first had to take meds, and my perception of "fat" was so off in hindsight ) Oh and as for the sweets - get some dried fruits. I really like dried figs. But dried apricots, dried mangos, banana chips - all real tasty. I also recommend getting into flavoured tea (not regular tea/black tea).
  17. Going back on topic - its easy to get lost in semantics/linguistics. A suicide attempt generally is when someone fails to take their own life but makes an effort to. Like taking way too many prescription drugs, falling from a building, drowning etc. But, hypothetically... Lets say you put a plastic bag over your head, and try to suffocate yourself. But you remove the bag and don't die. Once you catch your breathe you have no obvious issues. No one besides yourself ever really knows about it. Now, how many seconds does that bag need to be over your head for it to count as a suicide attempt? Someone may say at least 20 seconds, at least a minute, at least a 5 minutes etc. In my opinion the fact that it went on your head for 1 second is an action experimenting with the thought of taking your own life. And thus, is experimenting with suicide - even if its just conceptually. Similarly if you feel low,and walk across an incredibly high bridge, because you are considering suicide, but then do NOT make any effort to jump - you're still planning and preparing and intending for a suicide attempt even if you don't go through with the attempt itself. IMO a much better question is: when is it time to be wary of suicidal thoughts. And those thoughts include my above examples of experimenting/preparing/planning etc. And while its hard to say specifically, I know when they start getting in the way of my plans, and they preoccupy me - thats when its too much for myself and when its time to see a Dr.
  18. This was my "dream" too. When I was 15 I used to tell people I didn't want to be alive by my mid twenties. Internally - at the time- school was fun/okay, but pointless. I couldn't envision a future for myself where I was happy. Working a dead end job until I have enough money to retire? No thank you. When I was 22 or so I did try and make that dream come to life - and cut the chord. I thought about loads of different methods and remembering finding documents that went into a lot of detail about how most suicide methods and fail, and that many methods of suicide - if failed will leave you impaired. Which I think many would consider a fate worse than death. At the time I kept telling my OT about it. About the thoughts and idealisation - as well as my anxiety and one day she turned around and was like "you need to find someone else to talk about this with because this isn't how occupational therapy works". She knew I didn't have anyone else to talk to about it, but for whatever reason didn't make any effort to refer me to someone or a group etc. Eventually I did try and take an overdose - but it failed like 97% of prescription overdoses do. Luckily left me unharmed. "Suicidal idealisation is never a product of a well mind." @Cerberus well said dude. The more it consumes you the more you need to talk to a doctor. And not fucking OT or a support officer - a doctor. I found a lot of people who don't have the medical training (nor the hands on/head first experience such as a psychiatric nurse) don't understand WTF you are going through. They will talk about how you can trust them, and will say they are there for you, and when you call on them and say "I want to kill myself/I keep considering suicide" they will have no idea what to say or how to treat you and try and will get rid of you as quickly as possible - as if that's the support you asked for.
  19. Holy shit yeah. All my mania and anger issues stem from Summer. I've never put 2 and 2 together before but jesus - now you've said it I cant unsee it.
  20. Personally I believe its a massive placebo. And binaural beats are a pseudoscience. That said, could listening to extremely slow, very timbral music help you relax, to help slow down your thoughts to help calm you, and to help put you to sleep? Yes of course it could, can and does. Its very similar conceptually to mindfulness exercises. Filling your head with emptiness for a short duration. Anyway, with all that said, I too listen to binaural beats. This is my favourite one
  21. @Dr. Marshall @sbdivemaster - you are right. I was straying away from the original post. Mostly because others had. To go back to what Pdoc's were saying to me years back, part of their reasoning was that the addiction is not the cigarette, but the nicotine, and its the dependency of a desire for that next hit of nicotine, which in turn can create 'turbulence', increasing stress/decreasing mood quality. Found this on the same plain of thought. But again is talking about 'smoking' as opposed to nicotine (vaping/gum etc) "Far from acting as an aid for mood control, nicotine dependency seems to exacerbate stress. This is confirmed in the daily mood patterns described by smokers, with normal moods during smoking and worsening moods between cigarettes. Thus, the apparent relaxant effect of smoking only reflects the reversal of the tension and irritability that develop during nicotine depletion. Dependent smokers need nicotine to remain feeling normal. The message that tobacco use does not alleviate stress but actually increases it needs to be far more widely known. It could help those adult smokers who wish to quit and might prevent some schoolchildren from starting. " This link basically says it much clearer and in more depth. Essentially - yes nicotine can make you concentrate better. But once you have a regular dosage/intake of nicotine, your stress and anxiety will most likely be fluctuating so much that you lose any kind of advantage that the nicotine originally served. So unless you are smoking one cigarette a month - the advantage is lost. One thing I really don't agree with is @jt07 's assertion (no offence to you personally) that because there is correlation between cigarettes and the mentally ill, that smoking is somehow helpful for coping with mental illness. While I personally sat in the camp years ago, one can easily reverse this claim. The fact there is significantly more people that smoke who have mental health issues (than who don't have mental illness) could mean that smoking is more likely to make mental illnesses worse by prolonging and exacerbating them. I don't think this is a proven fact, but I definitely think the fluctuation in stress/anxiety between 'nicotine hits' - effects one's mindset, and thus behaviour, and thus their overall condition. Some seem to claim smoking could be a catalyst for schizophrenia. But I don't think we know that as fact. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-33464480
  22. I actually really disagree with all these posts. Nicotine creates a dependency on smoking, which as well as having health problems, can create or worsen stress/anxiety/depression. I found my anxiety levels dropped significantly after I stopped smoking. I heard from a few different unrelated Pdocs that it isn't good for mental health. They detailed it in much more scientific terms why it is bad for me - a person with psychosis and depression. This was like 6 years ago now so I don't recall the full details. I will try and find some articles that share their thoughts.
  23. Okay fair enough matey. I wasn't aware of this. Never done really done any web development stuff so Im just talking as the end user. Thanks for responding/explaining anyhow.
  24. Weird mix of different things. I was given 4 weeks to hand in additional information to receive a state benefit (PIP) which expired last Thursday. It just happened that Christmas and new years took up a good chunk of it so I wasn't able to talk to anyone during that. They've given me an extension but I still haven't been able to get the forms from the psychiatrist, even though he was meant to do it when I originally applied for the benefit (months ago). At the same time I need to find something to do in terms of studying/work. Wish I had more family and friends of family so that I could just do the odd afternoon here and there trying different things out. But my parents aren't the most sociable people. I also really don't know what I'm going to do when my parents downsize and retire. Probably got another 10 years or so to work it out but I am worried about it. Had a good old walk with the dogs that made me feel better though. I feel very calm and centred compared to last night.
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