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JackBQuick

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About JackBQuick

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    WTF?!

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    ask my mom.. oh wait, don't do that... she sometimes thinks I don't like chocolate?!

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  1. I'm getting desperate. I'm in SoCal and it seems I can only get Northstar (10 lbs a month weight gain) or Alembic (haven't tried.) I've heard plenty of horror stories about Northstar but I can't find any info on Alembic other than it's from India (where the other generics that also made me gain a lot of weight PDQ). Anyone know anything about Alembic brand Lamotrigine? There's a website that claims to be able to get Aurobindo (the only not weight gainer for me among all the others) from Plan Canada in Alberta. I'm in the US obviously. Does anyone know if that's legit, that a US person can get drugs from Canada? It's only $10 more than my US POS insurance copay.
  2. When are you seeing your tdoc? What state are you in? Here's my take based on SoCal, LA/Ventura counties—and I realize what I have to say will be very unpopular, this is just me, I can only speak from my experience: Unless the tdoc has direct experience with CPS (in SoCal) I would take what they have to say about CPS as woefully ignorant. Most upper class people who are therapists have not had contact with CPS, in LA County CPS is exceptionally aggressive. In Ventura County they are triggered with little to no provocation. There are thousands of court cases against both counties' CPS. What I would take seriously is how well the tdoc knows me and how to help me check/vet what I'm thinking/telling myself; where does clear reasonable suspicion end and legit paranoia begin in my way of thinking. Sometimes we do go overboard. I've had CPS encounters four times in the last six years. I've had a nosy bitch neighbor who made all but two of the calls. I moved then confronted her. I dumped a 3 ring binder of information on autism in adolescents on her doorstep and told her if she's going to be a nosy do-gooder, she should at least know WTH she's talking about. My kid spent the last three years trying to end his life. Her bullshit was part of it. And her involvement was completely beyond my control. If I can't control it, I just hedge against it and let it go because it's futile and only harms me (she wins). At the same time, I know I can't live with the fear. I have to be vigilant and mindful of what could happen, make sure my shit's wired up. I hired a lawyer after the first "visit." I said nothing without that attorney present. Ever. And, since I covered my and my kid's ass, I let that situation sit in the background and did not obsesses on it. I just can't. I was aggressive with my pdoc to ensure my meds were up to par. Being prepared is a good hedge against paranoia. My tdoc was ignorant, but he was good and reading me and helped keep my focused on what I could do. Here's hoping your visit with your tdoc is valuable and helpful for you, and that you don't have to feel afraid. All the best and a huge giant bear hug offered.
  3. "Professional" means having specialized knowledge and/or skill (degrees, licensing, etc), deriving substantial or all of one's income from it. Do you have a fiction writer's group? Sometimes that helps motivate finishing through publishing. Whatever you do, go for it and never stop.
  4. Seven years later update: weight gain and Lamictal/Lamotrigine My data (charted over seven years)—YMMV: Lamictal Brand: no unusual weight gain (nightmare to get insurance to cover) generics: Zydus: 30 lbs gained in 45 days, massive, insatiable cravings/appetite Teva: 20 lbs weight gain 45 days no change in appetite but cravings for carbs increased Taro: 15 lbs weight gain 45 days increased appetite, mood cycles were deeper and higher Dr. Reddy's: 23 lbs weight gain 45 days, no change in appetite, short-term memory issues Aurobindo: no weight gain 45 days, able to lose weight with normal training, appetite completely manageable My Conclusion: test and track data over 90 days after you start a Lamictal generic. Anyone says generics are identical is placing believe over facts (data). Facts are better. SoCal, getting Aurobindo lamotrigine is tough, literally down to one single Rite Aid pharmacy carries it, CVS does Zydus only, Walgreens does Taro and Teva, Target does Dr. Reddy's. And all those corporate chain pharmacies claim everyone carries the same as that particular location. Calls to many outside a 50mile radius of my house disproves that claim. Gotta pay attention to meds and generics. Meds are too important to just let a pharmacist do whatever they want with your body and your brain.
  5. 10 years on Lamictal so far... no hair loss so far. I'd go see the doc quick.
  6. BPI, then BPNOS, when that became a thing. Then @ age 35-40, somewhere in there, was finally Dx'd with BPII, got on Lamictal and life suddenly was reasonable--still shitty with chronic underemployment, injuries, etc. but the BP was undoing me a shit-ton less. BPI, then BPNOS, when that became a thing. Then @ age 35-40, somewhere in there, was finally Dx'd with BPII, got on Lamictal and life suddenly was reasonable--still shitty with chronic underemployment, injuries, etc. but the BP was undoing me a shit-ton less.
  7. Hypomania is what I wind up with (BPII), though Lamictal, (exercise, diet too) helps take the excess of it off. I do cycle but just a little now. I'm a writer. I'm at my most creative going down and coming up from the depression trough. Since the bottom isn't as bad on meds, I feel more creative than I used to be. So I guess I need the whole bit because I'm creative and productive depending on where I am in the cycle. My guess is, I'd be just as creative anyway but, it's a guess. Hypomania is what I wind up with (BPII), though Lamictal, (exercise, diet too) helps take the excess of it off. I do cycle but just a little now. I'm a writer. I'm at my most creative going down and coming up from the depression trough. Since the bottom isn't as bad on meds, I feel more creative than I used to be. So I guess I need the whole bit because I'm creative and productive depending on where I am in the cycle. My guess is, I'd be just as creative anyway but, it's a guess.
  8. Yes, fiction and non-fiction. National/intl guest blogger gigs, corp. speeches, tech writing for software companies, & fiction work online at Amazon. As a general daily activity, most writers, myself included read about 10K pages of other people's work to every 1K words we write. I read ALL the time and write up to 14-18 hours almost every day outside match days (I'm also a pro referee). I have five novels in progress at any one time. Right now two are at my editor's for notes and revisions. Should have one of them up soon. (Had to take nine months off while helping my 16 yo recover from his suicide attempts). I don't know how a professional writer could not read. Writers need exposure to how others write, how they frame, construct and craft. Working writers have to write. All the time. Daily without fail; that's the hard work of it. Join one of the many Facebook writers' groups to get an idea of the process of writing through publishing. Once you understand the process and read often to expose yourself to narrative & story construction (there are more than one or three ways of doing things though many genre writers only use those), writing is much easier to dig into. Market tip: if you can learn to write and write good romance (especially "romantica" or "erotic romance") that's where the big money is. Scarlett Edwards, Bianca Sommerland, Claire Thompson are a few I know making a living. YA is the next sustainable genre. Most of my colleagues in my author groups (not online) are doing romance and YA now. Have to—gotta eat. Best of luck. It's the best job on earth, IMHO.
  9. Thanks for that. I would have lost that vital extra hour of sleep before work tomorrow.
  10. waited. too damned long. now out of time. awesome.

  11. Thought of blogging on CB many times. I have one outside for public stuff, trying to build readers and so on. Need to expand in the Goodreads blogs, an all that. but for dealing with this stuff... it probably would be useful. The "man thing" for me is surprising I talk things through, I take in things via intuition (not my senses) and process via emotions. Except for him. I've bottled up to minimize the damage. One because he's so sideways from the rest of the world (Aspergers) and I seriously can't figure him out most of the time also tough for me because I figure out people accurately all the time, especially in my day job. Two because he triggers me all the time: things like honor, respect, kindness, generosity, etc. are all my core values and he violates them constantly--abusive, oppressive, steals my things & destroys stuff that I worked long and hard to get, or are tools for my job and no easily replaced, is rude, constantly in my face, resists med compliance, etc. Three because now he's in a legal situation arising directly from his sideways-ness and the way he needs social media and text messaging to interact with others because he can't do it in person. And also because he adores girls and desperately wants the closeness of a girlfriend (he unfortunately got the male archetypal Lover from his dad). The isolation aspect is because he only had two friends and both of them were involved in the incident (that is only an incident because the other party's fundamentalist psycho parent files charges that our local PD/DA are hyper-aggressive about prosecuting (panders to fundie Xtian voters)... I never even knew such a thing could be criminalized, in CA of all places, and the record of abusing and punishing teenage boys who are innocent is epidemic according to the stats). So his atty necessarily advised against further contact with the friends for his safety and to "find other friends" It took him six years of agonizing work to make these two. It's a nightmare for him. He's terrified to be alone outside. He was "picked up" by the PD under false pretenses recently and I spend the rent again to get him back from the system--all part of this twisted sick "gamesmanship" between the PD/DA and my son's defense. It's apparently very normal but the difference is most kids are poor (they don't pick on rich boys as much) so they just end up in jail and it takes years to exonerate them. the whole thing is disgusting. But bottom line, I plan to sue the living daylights out of that other party's parent for harming my kid. Can you tell the fundie angle's a serious trigger for me? It's no wonder he's cutting. And his mom does a lot of the screaming that she never thought she'd hate her kids, blabbity blah toxic shit that's never her responsibility... *eyeroll* I realize I need to find out more about cutting itself... is it something I should be trying to stop? Do I need to teach him "wound management" which sounds like letting him keep doing it... the school system here is hell bent on calling the police when they see cuts... so it's super risky. The worst part is because of his legal issue he can't openly talk to a tdoc in case the tdoc gets subpoena'd. It's insane.
  12. Tried that already. This is fifteen years in the making, highly compressed and potent in the last eighteen months to now. Struggling. I don't want to hurt him more.
  13. "Single Case Agreement." Holy cow, magic keywords. Thank you, he's got an appt this week so I'm bringing that with me.
  14. I suck at compartmentalizing but I'll try to here--because I can write a book (and likely will once my son's legal issues are resolved). My son has Aspergers and ADHD/Impulsivity. A friend of his began cutting when my son was @11 or so . My son began then. I wasn't sure if it was imitation, trying to find acceptance because he's never had more than 1 friend at a time and social engagement is a major problem for him since he was @5. Partly because people don't understand his quirkiness and his autistic reactions to stuff and our culture trains kids to run to cops for every last thing that seems "odd" to them. He was bullied a lot and, because he's a boy, was blamed for either being the bully himself or for "being a whimp" and "not standing up to bullies." Great way to confuse the hell out of any kid let alone an Aspie. But I also knew then he'd been through a lot of trauma as a kid. Public school was an unrelenting nightmare through 5th grade and we switched to an online/in-person school where he could get individualized education and the flexibility he needed. We've had lots of visits from law enforcement, only one of which was by an officer who was calm and professional and has an Aspie daughter so he knew was happening and didn't create chaos like the others had in the past. When he began cutting @ 11, I wondered what it was. I tried to remain calm and was pragmatic: remove the instruments then he can't cut (boy was I an idiot). He handed me my missing X-acto knife and my blades from my art supply box. Then he used the kitchen knives, scissors, the utility knives from my tools, edges of paper, paper clips, a machete, stuff he found along the side of the road, screw drivers. I tried not to be emotional in front of him. I couldn't keep up with his ability to find and use things. I installed a lock on the kitchen knives but the landlord fined me for "damaging" her cabinets. Whatever, I paid the fine and didn't remove the lock. I couldn't afford a giant safe to lock all my tools, all the paper and office supplies, etc. inside; still can't. But after a while there were no more marks so I thought it was done. It seemed to be. then he started seeing this girl. She seemed very sweet. He was happy, he cleaned his room, he did his schoolwork so he could go see her, he bathed. But later we found out--through a whole sordid mess with her psycho fundie father who threatened his life before I knew what was going on and had to hire a lawyer to protect him from this asshole--she was a cutter. He had tried to help her stop. So for being in love with a girl and trying to help he's been blamed and victimized by the system. Plus the trauma from the girl's sick father. So now he's in isolation for legal reasons... and he's back to cutting. I found out yesterday when I got the always dreaded "phone call" from his school. He used social media without our knowledge somehow and some girls he liked saw a pic of the new cuts, freaked out, told their guidance counselor at their school they feared he was suicidal (he wasn't) who called our principal. I had to call the lawyer and blabbity blah. More money to protect him from people's hysterics and drama. I was pretty upset. I din't have to say anything; he's a sensitive kid and picks up on other's vibe with uncanny depth. He told me via a note he hand wrote last night telling me what he needed and what was going on. He wanted a different therapist and his pdoc referred us to some (all NOT on our insurance). He wants to "talk" using a note pad and to only talk to someone else. The atty says he can't talk about certain things... I can't explain that to him and he needs help right the fuck now not later when the legal shit's resolved. I never imagined in my wildest nightmares that I would have to parent any of this. I'm angry, with the system, with fundie Xtians, and especially with myself--I mean, I HAD to have caused this somehow. I know he got all my fucked up MI genes (my fam is loaded with Aspies, ADDs and BPs, her's has one BP and she blames me constantly for ruining her kids, yay). I've been the SAHP for seventeen years. I can't imagine i did a sufficient job of it. I know I haven't. He said in his note not to freak out about his cutting. I'm trying not to. Especially in front of him. But I don't know what to do. I don't get it. This is one more thing on a shitpile of things he has to deal with, why would he want to add this into the mix? I know I'm supposed to get it. I'm supposed to be a man and just carry it and not be emotional and not feel about anything and just keep everything and everyone together. Well, I've always sucked at that. That's why my marriage is shit. All I know is I have to help him and I don't know how. And I don't know how to process and sort it out inside my own overwhelmed brain and heart... I used to hold him and hug him a lot when he was younger. I know he resents that I don't hug him. I cannot do it. If I do I'll fucking fall completely apart. My dad was cold and angry with me all the time. He was analytical and fundie-judgmental and I was the of-the-devil artistic boy who was emotional and had Tourettes (Gods curse for my dad marrying my non-fundie liberal mother). I know how much it hurts to have a father like that. I don't want to be that way with my son. Never have wanted that. But I can't do it. It's like the connection point that'll just break me ad then what? Everyone relies on me to get things done (and gets to hear from her how I don't help, seriously?!). I don't know how much longer I can. I have to. But if things settle down, I'm out. A person can only take so much for so long. [Mods: Water had a great & helpful thread and it's specific to her situation so I'm doing this separately. Am I doing this correctly?]
  15. Attorney. We're trying to avoid a CPS situation ourselves at the moment. People are insane and around here CPS is notoriously so. When law enforcement gets involved it's always a giant mess and the brutality of it takes a heavy emotional toll. Mainly because it's absolutely crazy the ridiculous and batshit way they handle things. I'm in a financial nightmare because I had to use rent money to hire a lawyer. But I had no choice. My mom is a former social worker in another state. I tell her very little. That means no support from her emotionally when I need her. Did you get your child back yet?
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