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  1. I have a tendency to crash following a busy day. Sometimes when I'm extra anxious or feeling down, i have to evaluate each activity on whether it will make it better or send me down the rabbit hole.
  2. I crash. Sometimes worse than others. I always pay for the good times.
  3. Thank you, melissaw72. I am in the process of looking for a new pdoc (or I should say my family is). My current pdoc is now 4 hours ago since I moved. I know meds help and hope that there may be some options out there that I am not aware of. However, I have been on meds for 15 years and have been through a lot of them.
  4. I just saw my pdoc. She did do a little tweaking, but we have been doing this for 2 years now. I had a bad episode a couple years ago that landed me on a 5150 hold. I am going to set up medical care down her in my new city. Pretty much everyone in my life thinks I need to give up on working. Won't be able to what I did before since i'm so unreliable due to frequent mood issues. HAL900, I'm going to write down your wisdom about things can't get any worse. Thank you for responding to me so quickly. I feel so alone. I'm the only bp in my family and friends. Good to talk to people who get it.
  5. A few days ago, my husband left and called my family to come get me. I was sick out of work for a week. Husband stayed home with me that last day and then disapeared while I was napping. The next thing I knew was that my family gathered me up, brought me to another city where they live, told me to quit my job, and give notice on my rental house. I'm giving away almost all my possessions as I don't know when I will be able to live on my own again. I now have no job, no husband, no money, and no freedom. I am giving my mom power of attorney since I can't manage anything right now. I hate bipolar. So weary of being sick. My family is planning on me going on permanent disability, because I seem to be getting more unstable as I age. I feel beyond bad. My young adult son is more of an adult than I am. I know I am venting. Does anyone have any hope to offer? Right now, I'm feeling pretty out of hope.
  6. I have taken seroquel and Latuda which are both in the antipsychotic class with Abilify. Seroquel caused almost immediate and severe involuntary arm and leg movement. I then switched to Latuda. I was able to tolerate it for about a year before hand tremors and mild difficulty swallowing caused me to stop. I still have a very mild tendency to choke on thin liquids such as water. I'm obviously not someone who can tolerate long term antipsychotic meds. Fortunately, my mood stabilizer/antidepressant cocktail is ok for now. I agree with the other people that commented here about getting in to a doctor soon. Involuntary movements can become permanent and your doc needs to know about it.
  7. $320 a month for standard marijuana seems like a lot. I smoke once daily on weekdays (work) and 2-3 times on the weekend. I use a vape pen which I think uses less weed on average per use. I know that when I first started smoking, I used a pipe and didn't know how to pack the pipe. I used a lot more marijuana than I do now. My mom - who is super support of anything that helps me - paid for my first bit of marijuana and my first cheap vape pen. It never hurts to ask.
  8. I have fairly frequent episodes of dissasociation or derealization. I daily take mood stabilizers, antidepressant, and anti-anxiety meds. I have had many years of psychotherapy. My pdoc has been of limited help so far. Does anyone know of medical treatments for DD? This is really disrupting my life, personally and professionally. Any info is appreciated.
  9. How do I find the disassociation board? Thanks for all the input. Severe anxiety must be the trigger. I'm not sure how to avoid the episodes, though. When I'm very anxious, I take Ativan and intend to stay quietly at home. Frustrating.
  10. I'm 44 years old with bipolar 2. I was diagnosed in my 20s and have been on continuous medication for almost 4 years. I am not sure when it started, but I know I have been "blacking out" for at least 2 years. I only became fully aware of what was happening a couple months ago. I am not - and never have been - a heavy drinker. I do not use drugs except for the ones prescribed by my pdoc and once daily marijuana for sleep. I only started the marijuana a month ago, so it does not have anything to do with the blackouts. I have several confirmed episodes ranging from 24 to 60 hours of doing things with no memory. Once I talked to family and friends on the phone and drove my car with no memory. Recently, I lost 24 hours in which I screamed horrible things at my husband and drove him out of the house. During the same 24 hour period, I somehow broke my phone and threw garden tools (including a pick axe) around the backyard and broke a large glass top patio table. I have absolutely no memory of any of these things. I also have lost many things in the past couple years with some of them later turning up in bizarre places. Other things never turn up. My pdoc has referred me to a sleep specialist to rule out a sleep disorder, but my husband and I think that this is unlikely. I would appreciate input from anyone who has knowledge and/or experience regarding this situation. I am frightened and do not want this to continue - especially if I am going to drive or possibly hurt someone.
  11. Maybe clarify your question. This thread is about aging and bipolar. Age is definitely progressing.
  12. I am 44 years old. In my case, the bipolar symptoms have gotten worse as I get older. I have a harder time getting over my depressions, fight self-harming, increased suicidal ideation, am much more easily fatigued (I have to really limit my schedule in order to have energy for work), and have strange things happen that did not in my 20s. My pdoc and I are exploring right now, but it looks like I may be having episodes of dissasociation which I do not think happened when I was younger. LIving with bipolar has become more difficult with time and I often struggle to keep going. I had one suicide attempt at age 42. I had my first major episode (depression/suicidal ideation) at age 18. Diagnosed at 27. Medicated until early 30s then went off meds. I went back on meds at age 40. I don't plan to ever go without meds again.
  13. I need to lose 45lb. I was thin several years, but have slowly but steadily packed on the pounds. Going to use this as a way to push myself to exercise more. I'm in a depression, so exercising has not gone well the last couple of months.
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