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OrganicFarmBitch

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About OrganicFarmBitch

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    ColdWinter'sSunshine

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  1. I’m not sure if this is answering this column sorry, I’m computer illiterate. But I was just reaching out in pain, I’m bipolar, and sometimes my mania gets out of control. I apologize for my behavior, I totally regret it I was doing so good. Just found myself in a deep dark space and needed to vent. Once again I apologize for doing it here as graphically as I did. I will leave this place
  2. I’m so sorry my love, I try to suck it up for my 4 kids and husband. I’m the most empathetic person so I feel everybody’s pain. Most love to you. May this pain go away so we can live this glorious life we were give
  3. The unhappiness rules my life sometimes. I feel so down and isolated and out of control. Never let your kids know. They see it, you crying, not being able to get out of bed or just sleeping forever. I suck it up for them, even if it’s to just make a simple dinner. I do try. But then there’s a dark side to me, I’m festering up old wounds and can’t comprehend my emotions. The only thing I can do is cut. I have an old school sharp shaving blade that is magical. It doesn’t even hurt, so I cut so much more than I should. The bright red blood makes me feel relief. But I do it where none will ever see with underwear on. My kids will never see it. I don’t have to look at it, just feel it and know the pain was released. Never let your kids see the ultimate pain you feel on the inside. That’s what tattoos are for, to feel the pain but show off a piece of art. It’s the same difference
  4. Am I truly insane? My husband left me because I don’t love him the same as I do when I’m on my meds. I’m a totally different person. But who am I really? I don’t love myself so how can I love? How do I learn to love me? Am I just fucked? I love him with all my heart but I think this last time pushed him over the edge. I feel like I’m just a selfish bitch
  5. I'm always struggling. It's fucking ridiculous. I dunno why we hold our selves to this idea which is bullshit
  6. If your meds are really working you shouldn't have this thought. Talk to your psych
  7. No not alcohol abuse. Just trying to cope. It'll change as things change or get better. I do the same and still function and know I don't need it. Not to get through life but make it easier.
  8. My heart aches for you...I know this process. It never ends up good. Meds can be a positive help. It doesn't mean you are a loser or a bad person Please look into this. Our self loathing never goes away, but it can get better.
  9. Why are we so screwed? Why is cutting so so soothing, so fulfilling but so wrong? My tattoosare too expensive? I need more pain than that.... Masochist? Yes but what is socially acceptable?
  10. Why is the feeling of cutting so amazing and the smell of blood so familiar?[edit] Of course it hurts like a bitch now, much like a tattoo, why must we pay someone to get the same feeling?
  11. You are not alone....fuck this life is so difficult on top of our thoughts of uncertainness
  12. I know it's hard to stop drinking when you feel such emptiness inside. It's a real struggle so many don't understand. I was almost there myself all the pills in a pile on my bed ready for me to ingest. It would be my 3rd time, 10th thought....it fu king sucks but there was something to see me through, I pray you have something too. And fuck all those dumb ass people asking about you. Where were they before, maybe if you can't afford it that's what you need to remember so you don't do it again. Remember it's all about what you find important in life ( hopefully you, but I understand as I don't follow my advice) not them....focus on you all the rest will fall into place. But anxiety is a bitch! I have it constantly can't figure how to tame it. Good luck darling. I'm here if you need to vent
  13. I'm sorry, I thought I was the only crazy person that had this conversation in my head. I dunno what helps....it's a struggle. I don't know why we beat ourselves up so much.
  14. So sorry love. That is tremendous loss. I cannot fathom. I can't give you any help as I'm not there myself but I feel for you. I don't know why we have this sickness. But know you are not alone. And help is out there I'm guessing. Be a strong woman as I know you can be. This TOO shall PASS. We are warriors and can fight any battles that come our way ❌⭕️Much love to you sweetheart
  15. Sigh....you are not alone. I don't know what to tell you cuz I feel the same way. I'm so done though, I'm actually seeking treatment finally. I'm hoping it will help. You should do the same and just be honest.
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