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Everything posted by protectmepls

  1. Hey, was contemplating buying one of these light things on Amazon (just search Light Therapy and you'll see what I'm talking about) but looking for personal anecdotes. I'm very isolated, I hardly ever leave my bedroom. I hardly see daylight. Have no real-life social interactions and limit interaction with family (parents were abusers) (older sister makes me feel guilty) (not much in common with second oldest sister and she's hardly ever home and have been distancing from youngest)
  2. I live in the UK so I asked if they could refer me to the system for a therapist one for eating disorder and another for other problems. They said they'll put in both referrals but said they don't know if I meet the criteria for an eating disorder therapist (which is confusing because I should). They said there is a long waiting period. There's nothing else they can really do. This whole thing put my diet and routine out of balance and I feel like I'm back where I started. I should stay away from the scale. Other then that, I'm trapped and drowning. Nothing else that can be done really. Medication options are slim to none. I'm so depressed it's hurting so bad. I can't even cry to communicate the pain or yell. I have no energy. I just feel suicidal and like harming myself, but what's the point? I can't even do that right and it will just set my diet and exercise routine out of balance. Hello, I am suffering. It hurts. I'm desperate for what? Nobody can fix this. A therapist isn't a magician. There's no fast fix. Just days of agony.
  3. I've taken over 120mg of Klonopin and an entire bottle of vodka and didn't die
  4. Two days ago I overdosed and nearly died, or as my mother says died and was revived, but she was hysterical so I don't know if it's true. I had an interview with a psychiatrist after, and they let me go home. I feel so depressed. I am in so much pain. It feels like someone is tying tight knots in my brain. I want to melt into my bed, into the darkness and disappear. I wish I died. I wish I didn't tell anyone that I took the overdose.
  5. Did anyone experience symptoms of IBS when taking Lamotrigine? It could be Lamotrigine Vegan products I don't know but I think it's the Lamotrigine
  6. Weeks of trouble falling asleep. Have been missing natural sunlight because winter and waking up at 4pm-5pm because I've been falling asleep at 4am-9am. Which antihistamine do you think would be better Doxylamine or Diphenhydramine or any other suggestions (except for Promethazine)? I have trouble falling and staying asleep. I'm combining the antihistamine with Trazadone for sleep.
  7. Have I been misdiagnosed? No therapist Rotating on the same medications I've been on, despite depression never lifting. The psychiatrist is continually saying "what do YOU think we should prescribe?" like I'm an expert. Has made no assessment of his own, just used old reports from old psychiatrists. As soon as I say a few sentences "BPD. It's BPD" no extensive assessment. No regard for my eating disorder. My brain FEELS LIKE ITS GOING TO ERUPT. SUICIDAL. SO SUICIDAL. NO INPATIENT NO INPATIENT suggestions. No money for therapist. NHS long waiting list. I am doomed.
  8. I'm fat and ugly right now and therefore I don't want to go outside and go outside itself will not cure those thoughts, reverse them or ease my depression. Especially when I am fat right now and ugly. And I will not embarrass myself. Thanks
  9. I can go outside, except I have no friends and fear judgement. I'd have a nervous/emotional breakdown and become extremely paranoid. I also wouldn't know what to do.
  10. I can't go outside until June (eating disorder) (recovering from the physical appearance changes from months of binge eating) so here I am stuck here.
  11. Does remission even exist? I mean I'm starting to think that, this is all I know and will know for the rest of my life.
  12. Getting a good therapist in London on the NHS relies heavily on your postcode. I can get a referral to any other branch. I'm in the Barnet area, does anyone know a good service on the NHS? I can't afford private therapy.
  13. I come from a background where they disagree with medications. In fact, my parents say my medicine will permanently screw with my brain. They never ask this, but paramedics and police officers have. Also, whenever I self-harm and they're called to the scene the first question they ask is "are you bipolar or schizophrenic?"
  14. 1. No money excuse 2. The "not hungry" excuse 3. Not in the mood for "this type of food." 4. I'm cutting back on "this type of food." 5. I don't really like "this type of food" anymore 6. Order something else 7. Ever thought about just saying "sorry, can't eat this cause of meds"?
  15. What does it mean if, instead of me crying I have started to laugh??? I'm not feeling better... I just start laughing because it's ridiculous. It's all ridiculous. Am I losing my mind?
  16. Has anyone tried Memantine along with an antidepressant for treatment-resistant unipolar depression? MDD and dysthymia? I don't even know what kind of depression I have anymore. I also have heard Memantine is good for anxiety as well. Has anyone tried this? What are your experiences? It sounds scary because it's a drug for Alzheimer's, so I'm afraid it might mess with my brain and damage it permanently or something of this nature.
  17. I don't know, but I care about you a lot and hope someone here can help you, and if not, you can try explaining these feelings and what you are already trying (your attempts at preventing these feelings) to your therapist and psychiatrist and see what they say.
  18. I love Klonopin too. There is a lot of tapering and changing going on in your cocktail right now; it becomes harder to hone in on what is causing what. You're going to have to ride it out. I know you don't want to hear that and it's not much. Only thing I can think of is more Klonopin?
  19. Klonopin has indications for treating Bipolar disorder and mania. It says the side effects are "aggression and agitation" I know a girl who has experienced the "aggression" side effect, but I believe this is related to the long-term use and dose you're on, but I'm not expert. Make sure to use a benzo conversion chart to work out the difference in doses I believe 5mg of Valium is 0.5mg of Klonopin. If you're having benzo withdrawals, then this could be the reason for most of your side effects. Some people don't like Klonopin. Why did your doc swap you to Klonopin? Valium is a long-lasting benzo too
  20. Sorry I’m a danger to myself. Link worker? I never heard about it again. But I did get Cymblata prescribed (been on it already) and Abilify (tried it) nothing cutting edge will probably still feel like crap
  21. Today I broke a glass plate, picked up a shard slit my wrists as fast as I could and stabbed my thigh repeatedly. And you?
  22. What is the point of there being dozens of antidepressants with the same mechanism of action? What is the point of taking them if they never do anything, other than potentially sedate you or increase your appetite and make you gain weight? Does anyone feel less depressed on antidepressants? I've never experienced any noticeable good change. I have depression. Melancholia. I wake up and want to disappear. I wait for the daylight to fade, even if my prolonged stay in the darkness makes me feel claustrophobic. What is the point? I don't care about "life's journey", there is no journey, this isn't a story, there is nothing meaningful we are doing with our lives. I don't want to walk the path that every generation before me and after me will walk; is that life's journey? Life and existing aren't beautiful, and I don't think it's lovely that I need to take medication. I don't want to "create my path" and do "what I love." this is all crap; this is just ego wanting to be an artistic legacy. Everyone is a liar and spoon-fed ideas about your dreams coming true. Why do we even exist? Don't care if there is a God; we just want a rewarding afterlife, and we fear death. I don't believe there is a God. I'm scared of dying too, that's why I'm living, but I'm barely living because I'm not engaging. Well, we are all an insignificant coincidence. What are we? From an aerial view, blurs that wake up at the same time every morning and go to bed at the same time every day, eat the same food, watch the same shows, read the same news, work, take medication to process life. It seems we all want to believe that we have a purpose and meaning in a world where none exists, it's packaged and marketed through our capitalist system and sold as your "life journey", "your goals" and "your dreams" did they ever come true? Nothing interests me anymore. My old and animalistic emotions can offer some experience of smiling, laughter or pleasure but after that moment, the curtains draw, and an ugly reality is there. I don't feel like me anymore. I don't feel like a human. I feel like any care I have at having a "life" is fading because I don't see REASON. Reason, there is no reason. More medication that just comes with side effects but never outweighs positive impact. All I've felt is an energy surge when I take Vyvanse and a sedation when I take Klonopin. But, that energy feels artificial. At least it does what it says. As for antidepressants, they are not "anti" anything. They are flat. Call it what you may, but I find it funny when people are working all day and making money and trying so hard to fulfil something that is never going to be met. Sure brag about your ACHIEVEMENTS to your family and friends. You graduated, you make money. You did everything PERFECT. Aren't you happy and so proud and feel like such a good trooper? So INDEPENDENT and such a hard worker! All by yourself. Yet, sometimes I crave to be like this, maybe they are not feeling what I am feeling? It would certainly be easier to complain about a coffee or a report than this.... Overall, I welcome death and if I died today I would not care.
  23. I will cancel my sessions with her and apply for therapy via the NHS again. I am in the same boat as you with careers. I think the more we define careers as being "journeys to a life" the more depressed we get when we think about "success" and "failure" what are these terms? We beat ourselves up because we don't have a job because of the way society has made us think about jobs, self-worth, and purpose. I'm not expert but I think a job isn't a path to finding yourself or getting a life. I think you just feel good because other humans finally stop seeing you as an inferior, lazy human being because of our conditioning and I think a job is vital to stay alive. Doing something you love is difficult in this world... I think doing something I love would make me happier and make it feel less like a job. I'm not lazy, I could go and work retail or cleaning tables and serving food, but how would that make my depression any better?
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