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protectmepls

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Everything posted by protectmepls

  1. Wellbutrin is safer antidepressant for patients with mania. You can combine this with Naltrexone or Topomax.
  2. Both are problematic. I have to escape binge eating because I cannot suffer anymore in isolation. I need to be pretty enough to go outside to do any normal activity and to engage with the real world. Sad and harsh reality. Unhealthy reality. But, it's the truth.
  3. Lately, I have been craving to self-harm and when I don't cut myself I will find a way to harm myself otherwise. It's a form of self-punishment for me and I feel like I've earned it when I do it. It makes me feel... accomplished for a brief moment? Like, I did something right for once? To be honest, sometimes even knowing I have a method of self-harm available is enough to make me feel calm. When I am in such despair I find myself bargaining with my low mood and saying "It's ok WE HAVE THAT THING WE CAN DO" I realize it's incredibly unhealthy. I believe mine grew out of frustration. The frustration of being misunderstood by doctors, being neglected, and being traumatized. Then, it also became a way for me to visualize my self-defeat, shame, and disappointment. To be honest with you I don't even have a stable relationship with any mental health professional, I've gotten introduced into the framework several times and then left because the doctors have been terrible or not worth the money. And I find, the more time you give this behavior, the more permission you let it have, the deeper it seeps into your personality and it embeds itself like some sort of dormant virus, waiting to be activated. Then, finding your triggers are harder, trying to make sense of why you do it is increasingly difficult and getting yourself to stop feels impossible. It's good that you chose to talk about it. I can relate to feeling like you're not in your body while engaging in self-destructive behavior. Can self-harm be classified as an "addictive" behavior? I have an addictive eating disorder. I spent months binge eating and I can't remember those months, what I was doing and why I started to do it.
  4. I experience intrusive thoughts, it's as if there is a mean, nasty version of me commentating in my brain about everything I do; but how do you know when this is just anxiety, OCD or bipolar disorder? I used to be so afraid of starting antidepressants or any medication because I would read the long list of side effects and some of them sounded really scary. Sometimes, I'd experience a negative placebo effect and discontinue the medication. Sometimes, it's a good idea to supplement anti-anxiety medications to help you get started, but really it's the thinking that needs to shift from an anxious and irrational mind to a more logical standpoint. Also all of this "true self" stuff, I can't confirm or deny, but I think reading articles like this on the Internet (which I'm guilty of doing) makes everything worse. If you end up doing this too often, it actually becomes embedded in your intrusive thoughts and you'll be blaming yourself a lot for the way you're feeling. I've heard Lamotrigine can help stabilize mood and irritability.
  5. When I was 16 I was morbidly obese I began exercising and it made me feel so good about myself and I felt so positive until it got to a point where it felt like I was running on a road that never stopped. The binge eating and gaining 20-50lbs and losing this weight again is exhausting. Also, the excess skin is just a reminder that makes me binge again. I feel like I overworked myself too much to even be able to enjoy exercise again. I would spend 6-8 hours at the gym every day. I can't even exercise for 20 minutes without feeling emotional, sometimes I'll even be crying. I hate it. It feels like a chore. A job. Trying so hard to make exercise a time where I can clear my head, engage in something (because I'm homebound), trying to make it positive but it's so difficult, almost impossible. Trying to make weight loss for me but all I can think is "hurry up you need to lose weight quickly so you can make friends again, be in a relationship, be happy etc..." I just wish this wasn't an ongoing cycle. I'm so fed up. Also, if I don't work on a schedule I easily fall back into binging habits so I can't be normal and say "you don't feel like it today, don't do it" I have to push through those thoughts and make myself do it. Maybe you can relate if you have a job you hate but you have to go to work to make money to survive. I wish I could find exercise fun again. Also even on medication, sometimes I find I may get a "lift in energy" and feel like I'm a dog wagging my tail waiting for an owner that isn't going to arrive because I can't DO ANYTHING I want when I look like this. I can do it. But I don't want to. Maybe because I look so ugly and fat right now.
  6. I've started to not binge again. Even though I'm not binging I still feel gross and my mind is ruminating on exercise, weight loss, food, calories, and progress.
  7. Okay, I think I will stay at 5mg. Thank you. Also, have you tried Vyvanse it's licensed for binge eating disorder? It's helping me. I feel like if I take too many of the medications that suppress the addiction, I just end up with more side effects like nausea, worsened depression, feeling warm in my cheeks and forehead.
  8. Can this antipsychotic help treatment-resistant unipolar depression like Abilify? Or does it only help bipolar depression? Also, how is this antipsychotic in the weight gain department? How does it compete against the others?
  9. This post scares me as I have binge eating disorder and my doctor is deciding which atypical antipsychotic to add to my antidepressant for adjunct therapy Latuda or Abilify
  10. I was doing so well from 2016 September to 2017 March, and then I relapsed for four months, and now I hate myself.
  11. I have had it ever since my earliest childhood memory. It's taking away my youth. I'm missing everything I should be doing. That's what kills me inside.
  12. I have a different type of addiction. An eating disorder. Have had problems with binge eating my entire life. I can relate to how you were feeling at that AA meeting. When I hear others talk about how and why they binge, it reinforces feelings of hopelessness and doom because I don't think we're alike. Try to use logic instead of emotions; something I need to do too. Your friend took you to AA because they're worried and so are you because you reached out to them. Reaching out means you want to get better, you know you're not well, and you've identified that you have a problem. It's an addiction. I don't know how to beat addiction but don't let this discourage you. I'm trying to find my way around this too. In that AA meeting maybe their circumstances were different but their method of coping is all the same: drinking. Try to understand their side and they will do the same and perhaps through all of this chaos and confusion and desperation, you will find some support in those strangers. Sometimes when you're giving advice, you're using your logical mind to assess the problem, and maybe that kind of critical thinking can make you think differently about your situation. Maybe there will be a solution for you in AA, perhaps not. But who can know for sure? One of many issues I have with recovery is closemindedness and prejudging situations. When we do this, we are making things worse because we've already established a negative outlook and we will keep searching for ways to prove our theories. As for medication. Drinking can affect medication and counter the therapeutic effects. I think you know this already though. Another medication I know of is Naltrexone which could you may combine with Wellbutrin (Buproprion) this is commonly used in smokers and binge eaters so why not alcoholics? Also, the good thing about Wellbutrin is that it's an antidepressant that doesn't cause episodes in individuals with bipolar. I'm thinking out loud.
  13. I'm 20 and will turn 21 next year in April, and I'm frightened of gaining more responsibilities. It's a mixture of things; maybe it's the components of depression such as losing interest in activities and hobbies, but what if I am growing comfortable with doing nothing with my life? What if I repeat these destructive behaviours because I want to avoid being responsible: getting a job etc.? I feel like this is all blame. I'm blaming myself for being depressed. And this is another dysfunctional behaviour that I can't seem to break. I'm thinking like this because maybe this is what others think about me? Maybe I'm just too sensitive and emotional, and I can't be tough like society wants me to be. My friend and I were discussing this and he said I'm useless and that I should die because I am not actually doing anything to contribute.
  14. Making me go out when I have really severe agoraphobia right now and it would have been simpler if he could just prescribe through email but I guess he wants money
  15. Mine is mad at me. They all abandon me. I'm barely on any medication right now, not enough to stabilise my mood.
  16. I have some pressing questions 1) How do I cope with the rebound depression from relapsing into an addictive behaviour, especially when I had come so far and made promises to myself to never be in this place again? 2) How do I motivate myself to continue if I've relapsed one too many times and I feel like giving up (suicidal) or accepting this addiction and living with it until it kills me? 3) Yes, I am once again, on a "journey" but when you've relapsed several times, small steps I make feel less inspiring, and they don't reinforce positive feelings anymore or the sense of having achieved something. How do I cope with this? 4) How do I endure the most difficult and most depressing component of addiction and relapse: TIME? How am I able to not think about how long it is going to take to see progress?
  17. I am being assigned a link worker, I wanted to know how long this takes?
  18. tried to do it today psychiatrist said to call him in session didn't pick up his phone GP wouldn't give personal number or email to give to the psychiatrist so that they can get in contact... tired of sending emails to my psychiatrist i know they find that annoying so officially I give up I'll just stay in my dark room and wait for my brain to waste itself and snap from reality so ill go crazy and kill myself bye
  19. What can you tell me about Abilify? Would it help with intrusive obsessive thoughts being negative?
  20. I CAN'T LEAVE MY HOUSE I spent months in my room in the dark with curtain drawn paranoid that people will see my weight gain and body. I didn't shower for two months... I barricaded myself in my room and I was peeing in bottles. when i say i cant leave my house I cant i physically will breakdown and cry hysterically if i was to go in public. i know this sounds crazy
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