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  1. This is good because as I stated, ad nauseam, I was not looking for a debate.
  2. This is a great example! I just don't know either. It seems like it should be dismissed as you were delusional but still, it's hard to dismiss it when it felt so real to you. As far as the man, I guess something like that is easier to dismiss but who know?! It's all so confusing. Thank you for your thoughts. Interesting. It does seem to be a reoccurring theme for a lot of people with bipolar. I wonder why our minds go here when manic/psychotic? Thank you!
  3. Good Lord. I'm not sure why you are taking such an argumentative tone here. And yes, I've heard of other religions. *giant fucking eye roll* I'm not here to debate the validity of people's belief systems...as I stated in MY FIRST post. I respect all religions/belief systems. So to conform my question to your example...say someone believes in nature based belief systems, if they saw a hawk and believed it was communication from The Divine and they had a mental illness, do you feel that is a religious experience or psychosis? How would they know? Again, I'm not here to evangelize. I don't do it in my "real life" and I'm certainly not going to do it here. If you want those questions answered, then buy a book. I asked a specific question and value the opinions I have been given. So if you want a debate, look somewhere else.
  4. Technical definition of mental illness: Mental illness refers to a wide range of mental health conditions — disorders that affect your mood, thinking and behavior. Examples of mental illness include depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, eating disorders and addictive behaviors Psychosis: a severe mental disorder in which thought and emotions are so impaired that contact is lost with external reality My definition of religious/spiritual experience: communication with the Divine (whatever form that takes for the beholder). Witnessing a phenomenon within the realm of spirituality (seeing angels, demons, speaking with God, seeing spirits, gaining insight into other worlds/levels of existence, etc). This could be within a structure belief system, such as a religion or less structured as in occult experience, or anything in between. Thank you for your thoughts! And I agree they either aren't real or very very unreliable.
  5. I should add that this isn't just a religious thing. I've met many mediums and psychics who speak of experiences they have had and they were not associated nor a follower of any religion. Are they all mentally ill? I just don't know.
  6. It does become more complex than "you either believe or not" when you are dealing with mental illness. I would say without mental illness, I would believe...because for me "why not?" I've always believed in pretty much everything as it's way more interesting and fun for me to think there ARE fairies out there, or there are angels watching us. But add in the MI and I have to question every experience. I do have answers to your follow up questions but those are just MY beliefs. I've never been so arrogant as to think I've got it all figured out (unless I'm manic of course, then I'm pretty sure I have EVERYTHING figured out hahaha). So if I'm getting what you are saying, and I could be wrong, you believe that anyone who has a religious/spiritual experience is having psychosis or some other manifestation of MI?
  7. I definitely understand this. I waffle so much on this issue that I can easily see all sides of it. And yes, why doesn't God show up in a clear way?! And since He/She doesn't, does that mean He/She doesn't exist? Rational thought would say yes. But then there is always that part of me that says a mystery is a mystery and it's not for us to understand. So exhausting. Thank you for your thoughts on this.
  8. Yes! Exactly! I've studied mystics of most major religions, largely of the Catholic variety and what you described is something that a mystic would describe...so where is the line? So confusing. I've seen demons. I've seen angels. I've had visions during meditations. I have heard angelic music. I've had angel Michael come near me. Etc. Etc. These are things that hundreds of thousands of people have stated they have experienced. Are they all mentally ill? Frustrating. I have contacted a priest on the issue and he advised me to test everything against scripture and doctrine...and in his opinion to error on the side of caution. He felt that if God wanted to get me a message that He would understand more than anyone my challenges with my mental illness and would find another, less confusing way to communicate with me. I can see that. I just don't know though....it's a tough topic. Thank you for your reply!
  9. Thank you. I appreciate your thoughts on this. I would say, these days, I'm far more skeptical than in my earlier, more carefree days. I am constantly worried about whether it's a true phenomenon or psychosis. It makes me sad actually. I miss the days when I could believe freely, to "dwell in possibilities" so to speak. The world feels a little less exciting when viewed through a purely reasonable lens. Though, I think there is merit in thinking/believing that way, as you are not looking for the unknown and are accepting of "what is". I just don't know if I'm wired that way. Anyway, thanks again. You have given me some food for thought.
  10. I hope that this makes sense... This is a topic that I've obsessed over and would like to get other's opinions. I would like to preface this by saying that I respect all religions and belief systems. So my question: how do you differentiate between mania/psychosis and religious/spiritual experiences? Do you believe that anyone who has experienced something religious/spiritual/metaphysical is mentally ill and only experiencing psychosis or mania? I ask this because this is often something that I struggle with. Religious/spiritual/metaphysical experiences have occurred to and around me since I was very young BUT I can also tell you that my mania is often marked by these same type of experiences. It's really hard for me to say that there is nothing to these experiences and that it's just my mental illness...but it's hard for me to accept these experiences since I do have a mental illness. Anyone else struggle with this or have any opinions on it?
  11. That is definitely how it is supposed to be. I logged into my healthcare website and there are only 5 psychiatrists in my entire city that accept my insurance. 5. I live in a big city. Hmmmm.
  12. Oh man...don't even send me down the Freemason rabbit hole. That organization has been the topic of many nights of obsessive reading. They either are out to kill us all or out to save us all depending on my frame of mind. haha. It really is a fascinating topic but yeah, I doubt I needed to spend months of my life obsessing over them. So...if you one day log in here and I've sent you a 14 page private message about Freemasons, feel free to message me back that I'm probably manic and should have that looked into by a professional. hahahaha.
  13. I feel so blessed to find this thread!! It's so nice to know others go through the same thing. (not that I would wish this on anyone...but...well, you know what I meant). I have to admit I'm a little jealous of the ones who get the cleaning thing when manic. I hate cleaning...always....my house shows the truth of that. It could definitely use me going on a manic cleaning spree for like a month. I know I'm manic when... 1. I talk too much and far too fast. People are stupid and can't keep up. They keep having to ask me to repeat what I said or explain myself better. I'm like "how do these ignorant people even function in daily life?" (always in hindsight, I realize they couldn't understand me because I wasn't making any damn sense.) 2. Spending money. Sigh. This is much harder for me to do now because I have set my life up to basically have NO immediate access to money. I do not even have a debit card at this point. My husband keeps all of this, assesses me before handing them over for the day and takes them back after I have purchased what I needed. I know this may sound very controlling on his part. It is not. It was my choice after I charged up approximately $10 grand worth of nothing....multiple times. We aren't rich and that almost ruined us financially. 3. I have brilliant ideas for stories and am convinced they will be best sellers. I write them down. They are so amazing and hilarious...everyone will practically die from laughing as they read them. Later when I read them...omg...not funny. They don't even make sense. Sigh. 4. I cuss WAY more than usual. I talk about sex WAY more than I normally would. I'm louder, more brass and crass. It's like I'm me but me on steroids with the volume turned up. 5. God is my best friend. He is looking out for me personally and sends signs and wonders just for me. I'm waaaaay more in tune with the heartbeat of the Earth than all the rest of the poor people walking the earth. People just don't get it. I get it. I'm probably the only one who gets it. That makes me special...other people are just sheep. I feel sorry for them that they don't get it. (Thankfully, even in my mania, I don't usually say this out loud to people...part off my thing is that people wouldn't understand my connection to God so it is best to just keep it a secret). I'm psychic during this time...to the point that I can see how everything is going to play out for everyone but again, keep it a secret because they are too unenlightened to "get it". I read books about mystics, saints, psychics, angels, metaphysical topics, spirits, etc etc etc...obsessively. 6. Everyone irritates me. They are noisy, annoying and slow.
  14. You have a ton going on. Just the emotional issues that you are working through from your husband would be too much for most. Give yourself a high five! You deserve it. Now...onto what is reasonable to expect out of yourself. Only you can determine that. You need to look at your life and really evaluate how you are doing. If you feel that it's too much. Slow it down. Cut out what isn't absolutely necessary. If it can be delayed for a while, delay it. Being busy is a good thing as it helps us not focus on the symptoms or even the emotional turmoil you must be going through...but being overwhelmed helps no one. It only adds to your stress, increasing your symptoms. I don't think being bipolar means you are limited to what you can accomplish. It just means you need to be more mindful of knowing when to say when at a given time. I hope that makes sense. You can always add back what you needed to put off for a while. There is very little in life that is now or never. Taking care of the children is a now or never situation. School is something you can add back in at a later date if you truly need to do less right now. Good luck!
  15. I probably need to see someone to make sure my diagnosis is thorough enough. I'm most definitely bipolar but I think there are other things going on too. Maybe it would be helpful to really know what I'm dealing with here.
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