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  1. I am soo happy for you notloki, I really am because I cannot adjust to any medication now. I don't know if it's my age or whether I did not give the medicine enough time or by upping the dose as what happened to you. How long did you give it before you noticed a difference? Are you still on Abilify now? Purple
  2. Hi Iceberg ~ I just had a gene study for mental health medications. It came back showing me as being an ultra-rapid metabolizer which means 99% of the drugs won't work with me. I have tried everything. The only two drugs that worked were Zonegran (developed many kidney stones even though I drank alot of water) and Depakote (which damaged my liver and now have chronic hyperammonia). Everything else had intolerable side effects. Most psych docs give up on me right away, which is where this new psych doc is heading now, he literally threw up his hands in my face several weeks ago. I wouldn't be surprised if he dismisses me as his patient next week and sadly, he's the only one left on my insurance panel I can see. Purple
  3. Thank you mcjimjam ~ like your nick *smiles* Good suggestion. I do have a bottle of Abilify (2mg) at home which I will take with me when I see my psych doc. I have been off of Rexulti now for 5 days and feeling much better. I was feeling quite intense side effects right out the gate. I could deal with most but it was the confusion that scared me and when my psych doc heard that, he wanted me off of it immediately. I couldn't recognize things, I didn't know where I was, nothing made sense to me. What scared me most was wondering if that is what Alzheimers feels like. Thank you for the suggestion of Abilify. I have some at home and will bring with me when I see my psych doc next week. We are basically out of options since my GenOMind genetic report showed me as a ultra-rapid metabolizer. Purple
  4. I'm sorry to hear that breeny ~ what is your prescribing doctor saying about this? Are you going to stay on this, increase dose or go off of it? I have heard that docs leave us on medications for up to two months to see what affect it has on us before making decisions. What do you want to do? Thank you for sharing your experience with me. Yes, my depression got much worse with only being on it 5 days, along with the scary confusion. Now that I have been off of Rexulti a week, my depression is lessening and I can function, whereas all I could do was sit in my recliner day after day, with no incentive to do anything at all. Purple
  5. Hi notloki ~ Was that Abilify or Rexulti you are referring to? I could withstand all of the side effects of Rexulti, but confusion. The confusion issue was extreme, it got to the point I did not recognize my surroundings, it was that scary. Did you have any confusion like this? When you said "Wow" at 10 mg, can you be more specific? Thank you for your valued response notloki *smiles* Purple
  6. Hi Iceburg ~ No, he gave me no other option. After reviewing the gene study thru GenOMind, I am in a category that with most of the behavioral meds I will over-react to and historically in the last 50 years of trying all these drugs, it happened to me. Doctors in the past would excuse me from their practice claiming that I was not trying, when in fact, there was a genuine reason. He felt this is the cleanest drug on the market that will have a very low side effect profile. Thank you for your valued response *smiles* Purple Thank you mcjimjam ~ that sounds like a very good plan. I didn't realize that Abilify is similar to Rexulti, that gives me some hope in just knowing that. I am on day 4 of Rexulti and see no results, in fact, my depression is worsening. When I was on Olanzapine, by now I would be feeling relief, but he has refused to put me back on Olanzapine. Purple
  7. I was on Olanzapine for about one year and during that time I did excessive spending which may have caused lowering impulse control and consequently am now in bankruptcy. Have been off Olanzapine since December, 2018. In March went on Seroquel and experienced manic situations, where I was out of control (never had this happen to me before). I became excessively hostile towards a clerk in Walgreens, reduced my veterinarian to tears and alienated alot of my neighbors by my raging. We upped the Seroquel thinking I was having my first manic episode, it only made everything worse. Since coming off of Seroquel in last two weeks, I am now calm and the urge to act out aggressively is gone and I am mortally embarrassed about my behaviors. New psych doc now, former one retired. Started Reluxti two days ago at .5 mg. First day experienced some brain zaps and thinking it might have been due to the mixing of recently going off of Seroquel and introducing Reluxti. Today, no brain zaps. Taking Benadryl to help with insomnia as Rexulti may become stimulating. I know this is a very expensive drug and being on Medicare I do not qualify for any of the manufacturer's savings plans. My new psych doc believes he can keep me on his extra supplies forever or until they go generic. I am worried about being on this drug and loosing him as a psychiatrist and ending up with a co-pay of $400.00 a month and ending up in the Medicare Donut-hole very quickly. The trial pack he gave me has a 14 day supply. I recently did a gene study thru GenOMind. I am an ultra-rapid metabolizer and subject to many skin issues. When I first saw him, he became very frustrated with me and didn't believe me that I can't tolerate most of the behavioral meds out there but once he got the gene study, he then understood. The only drug he would suggest is Rexulti. I am in a quandary as to what to do about going on this very expensive medication with no way of paying for this and getting stuck on this drug should I loose my new psych doc and his many samples. Purple
  8. About a month ago, a neighbor that lives in my apartment community has started pounding on my front door all hours of the night. It's random. Now, we are talking about pounding, not just politely knocking. Most of it occurs around 3:30 am. I have been to the property manager and they will do nothing, I have called the police and they will do nothing as they are calling it simple harassment. When the pounding starts, it wakes me out of a deep sleep, usually and by the time I get to the door, whomever, is long gone. I have a neighbor that I can call when this starts and she will look out her door to see who this is, but by the time she gets her whits about her and gets to her front door, the person has disappeared. I was offered to move to another apartment, but, heck, I don't think that will work as I am living in a closed environment, there are 100 senior residents here and we all know each other very well, so chances are this harasser will only follow me to my new place and keep up the harassment. Although, the new apartment my manager wants to move me to is more desirable, has more amenities, but still, the harassment may continue. This is highly triggering to me, I'm loosing sleep. When it wakes me up, I go into fear mode and can't get back to sleep. Then I am too afraid to go to sleep for the fear that hits me when the pounding starts. I have tried to get friends or neighbors to stay with me who might be bold enough to open my front door when this happens, but no one is interested in helping me. I moved here a little over a year ago and really can't afford to move nor do I want to move. This is soo unfair. It's just so shocking that anyone would want to do this to me. Purple
  9. Could you elaborate on what a template for trauma is all about? Purple
  10. Have been working at a friendship for the past year. Recently my patience has grown very thin and thinking she may have a "shelf-life". Yesterday I had a very important doctors appt with my sleep medicine doctor that I could not miss. I am prone to migraine that makes me to ill to do anything for 3 days. Anyway, keeping that in mind, my friend, let's say her name is Ann, while having lunch at her home, tells me to check out her new pen as it has a new feature she wants to show me and points a LED beam directly into my eyes, hours before my appt, then immediately says she's sorry. Last month the day before my MRI she asks me to her home to show me a surprise, I arrive to find a similiar situation where she flashes a harsh light right into my eyes, followed by another apology. Now she knows about the importance of my doctors appts and she knows that I suffer from debilitating migraine and she's a former nurse to add that to the pile of things. It's happened 4 times in the past 2 months the day before an important doctors appt. I know she's in her 80's, and I am trying to understand about forgetfulness, but I'm beginning to wonder if this is deliberate. I have been wanting to go to this flower nursery since last November. I don't drive anymore, so I depend upon others for transportation. I have asked her repeatedly if she will take me and we have never made it there. I am starting a new hobby of tropical fish and wanted to see the size of a fish tank and we were driving by a local pet store and I asked her if we could swing in there so I could see what the size of a 5 gallon fish tank is and she said no. We stopped at a local farm looking for produce and found they were closed down, but there were horses lined up at the fence and I asked if she could stop so I could see the horses (I am crazy about horses), she said no and off we zoomed. I have been wanting to pick up some lobster and last week we drove right past this lobster wholesale place and I asked her to stop in there so I could check out this place and she refused. Then................, we pull up at a local hardware store for her to get some nails and she told me to stay in the car as I would only slow her down in the store. It was 90 degrees outside......... what was she thinking? Coming home from a blood test, she had to stop to do some shopping and I told her I wasn't feeling well and wanted to go straight home after the blood test but I went in with her anyway. I felt faint in the store and had to leave. She got mad and accused me of interfering with her shopping by pretending I was going to faint. Ann just blasted me by texting just moments ago me accusing me of "why must you attribute thoughts or feelings to me that dwell in your mind from your unhappy past and not in mine I am disappointed that you trust me so little and rank me with the worst you tell me of the people here. Will you always have so little faith in me. I'm sorry". Something triggered her that I said and it sent her into a rage, which I am finding more and more with her, this is just a taste of how she treats me. I took her keys and returned them to her front door and blocked her telephone number and texting from reaching me. This has been a year long friendship of hardwork, I was willing to go the extra mile but when she throws up my childhood abuse history at me like this, there's no taking that back. I'm sick, just sick of loosing her as a friend but then I am attracted to those that abuse me, so I have to look at myself now to figure this out to learn from it. I don't know why no one is reaching out to me, so will consider this a closed topic, thank you for your interest anyway Adding additional thoughts: I am leaving a reply to myself. Have been thinking about what I wrote and in hindsight, I am seeing that all along Ann has been abusive towards me, verbally. She has shown very little interest in getting to know me, it's all about my sitting and listening to her reminisce about her 80+ years. When I would start to share my history with her, she would cut me off and start talking about her never coming back to me. When I brought over one photo album and turned one page, she pulled out 6 photo albums and placed them directly on top of mine and showing no interest in what I wanted to show her, went thru her photo albums. She would also show me poison pen letters she sent to relatives, scathing hateful letters and of course, she eventually started to send these to me. What more could I expect from her and me too. I was living my past with her, I was living my life with my mother who abused me. Now knowing I was seeking out an abusive relationship and breaking it off sent me back 20 years when I walked away from my mother. I never saw her again. Ann provided some transportation and some companionship for me, it was better than nothing, but the ending was very traumatic for me. Now I have no one to take me places and no companionship. So, I sit here alone today wallowing in self pity in my own misery trying to find comfort somewhere. I thought I was thru with allowing people in to hurt me. Thanks for listening. Purple
  11. Happened to me once too, never figured out why this happened, but it was something that stayed with me as a question mark. Purple.
  12. I moved to this independent living home a year ago. Most of the residents here have caregivers, have various degrees of alzheimers, the rescue squad comes daily and I am the youngest one here. I would move but I don't have the cash to do so at this point. My issue is, I am disabled, can't drive anymore and am stuck in my apartment for the most part and 66 years old (young?) and trying to make new friends. All family is deceased and friends too, so I am starting over. This one friend I invested alot of time in this past year announced to me recently that I am not sophisticated. I have been pulling away from her due to her other rude remarks about my personality and reducing my exposure to her lately and she wants to talk about it tomorrow. My self esteem has taken a beating due to her verbal abuse. She was away for a month and the day she comes home, my heart starts pounding, I loose sleep and just feel utterly too stressed to think straight. I don't have many friends here to help normalize myself and balance things out, so I am left alone for the most part. I do go to some of the functions here, but.................. you know................ cane fights, etc, kinda drive me away, LOL. So, back to this discussion tomorrow. I won't back down, I know the verbal abuse will come out and the putdowns and I won't allow it. I have had some distance from her and can see things pretty clearly now, only thing is that I will miss her as a "friend" to do things with outside of where I live, that is if we do only what she wants to do. My to-do list is really quite long, so I guess it's back to taking the paratransit to get around. Wish me luck tomorrow and thanks for listening. Purple.
  13. Thank you ananke I am having alot of trouble reconciling what happened to me yesterday. Going thru many different layers of emotions. Slept most of the day away today trying to get away from all this. Still my mood is soo up and down. I have no protectors in my life, so there is no one to turn to when things like this happen. She could have had plans to drop me off and leave me there and God only knows what would have happened to me, but that's paranoid thinking.
  14. A neighbor asked me to travel with her to her daughters home to deliver some goods. I agreed. I thought her daughter lived close by, I was not told where she lived when we started out, I just assumed. After driving 20 miles on the highways I asked where we were going. The location was then disclosed.... 80 miles from where we lived and far out in the country. I froze. It was never disclosed we were going to be gone this far. I am disabled and have neurological conditions that make me ill when traveling in the car for long periods of time. The neighbor is 84 years old (I'm 66) and the car seems just as old and here we are racing on the super highways weaving in and out playing chicken with the semi's. Then we were off the highways and onto back country roads for the remainding 30 miles. She said nothing, we did not talk. She's usually pretty talkative. I felt not only physically ill but emotionally frightened, to frightened to say anything, I was paralyzed. I knew nothing about the neighborhoods we were in. We finally arrived at her daughters home, a home I really did not want to go into. I sat and listened to idle chatter until it was time to leave. But she wanted to keep driving around this neighborhood pointing out different businesses and places she knew in her past. We stopped for gas and I was asked to get out and put gas in her car. The sun was setting, we had already been gone 4 hours. Then she chose a different way back, or so I was told. As we traveled, I kept asking for her to pull off at restaurants where I could revive myself in the bathrooms. I kept an eye on the highway signs to see in which direction we were heading. Eventually we crossed over a bridge I was familiar with and I knew I was heading home. When we finally got home, we had been gone 8 hours. She never thanked me. When I asked her why she needed me for this long ride, she said it was important that I come along just in case.... but she would never finish her sentence. I have never experienced feeling abducted or trapped in my life, but this came pretty close. She lives in the same senior building as I do, two doors down from me and I don't know how to go forward with her after this. Needless to say, my PTSD has been extremely activated and I know it's going to take awhile to come down from this experience. I have lost all trust in her. Thank you for reading this scary experience.
  15. Be sure you randomly check ammonia levels in your blood and also possibly have a baseline ultrasound of your liver. Even though my liver values remained stable, I developed Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease and because my liver does not adequately clear UREA, it now passes ammonia into my blood stream which can be dangerous. I am taking Lactalose to help bind the ammonia from my blood to pass it out of my system. If in 4 months I do not see any difference in my next ammonia test, I will ask for more medication to treat the ammonia. Because these are the two well known side effects, other than weight gain, encourage your primary to check for this. I had to fight for these two tests to be conducted. Learned all about this when I worked for my veterinarian. One of the first symptoms of high ammonia is body wide itching, fortunately the Lactalose is doing it's job. Hoping you much success with Depakote Purple
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