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About crowduck

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    I think I'm on the wrong planet

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    somewhere with sunshine

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  1. Since I am not, and actually never have been delusional by clinical standards, and I did not suddenly develop severe psychosis/mood swings/anxiety after having to quit risperdal suddenly last December, I am pretty sure my only correct Dxes are ASD Level 1 and Non-verbal learning disorder (due to a severe gap between Verbal IQ and non-verbal IQ). My current Dxes are bipolar 2, GAD, major depression with psychotic features, and PMDD (I think this is actually mis-dxed endometriosis due to the severe physical pain and extremely heavy periods I had from age 12 to 15, and the BC pill stopped the pro
  2. I have volunteered a lot in the past, mostly with local autistic advocacy groups, but there are now multiple schisms in the community involving the different therapeutic models, the DSM-5 changes, person first language, employment, education, independence, etc. It's complicated because if you've met one person with autism...you've met one person with autism. Now my idea of volunteering includes moving to Australia to rehabilitate bats after getting the necessary education (might end up being a career if that's an important enough job to get citizenship, who knows), and working with at lea
  3. Generally yes and the degree varies greatly depending on the field, gender ratio, location, demographics, etc. Regardless of worker protections (assuming there are worker protection polices in place and they are enforced) in many workplaces there is some sort of unofficial peer pressure NOT to report - mostly conveyed in nonverbal and/or "coded" language that is hard to take to HR...
  4. Been this way since i was a kid, back then 90% of it was my dad. They don't deliberately power trip. For example, my Dad lashes out because he thinks any criticism of his behavior is an attack on his identity and self-worth. Luckily for all of us he can separate his identity from his work performance so he doesn't have any problems at work. I can empathize now with him - his baby girl had the moral compass of a grown-ass adult and was criticizing him when he (in his own mind) had never done anything wrong or mean to deserve her wrath. I say wrath because I wasn't just annoyed, I was furious. M
  5. It's not fair. It's not fair that my situation isn't fair...ugh. Life isn't fair. WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS INFORMATION?! I'M GOING TO THE PUB - dammit, I can't drink! Wait, that's an idiom. Or is it a metaphor? Shit, now I have a headache. Life isn't fair, but that doesn't give people the right to be assholes. And yet there are assholes everywhere I turn. Corruption, hypocrisy, deception, denial, manipulation, crime, the list goes on. These very wrong, very unfair acts don't bother them. My family, my neighbors, most of my entire neighborhood, the city council, and
  6. According to my mom, I need to update my medical records religion preference to "Catholic" instead of "no religion" because she believes nurses and doctors will treat me poorly if I'm ever in a medical scenario that would involve religion if I don't officially have one because...well, I don't know why. I do find comfort that in the notion that a Creator-God made me the way I am instead of being a random blob of energy that will just take on another form when I expire, because energy cannot be created nor destroyed. I can't put that on a form, and even if I could I don't think it would hel
  7. No problem I'll be more careful in the future. Also, how to you put a signature at the bottom of each post?
  8. I get all the bad side effects AND effects that are the exact opposite of what the label says the med can cause. P-doc says it's paradoxical effects, she's just never seen anyone (and she's been in the business for 30+ years) with my kind of severity. I keep a journal of side effects and 'weird stuff that isn't necessarily bad and might be good", like suddenly being able to mentally re-watch every episode of every TV show I've ever seen and having a severely decreased tolerance for spicy food. The journal has saved my ass because my p-doc realized early on that certain groups/classes of drugs
  9. Definitely, but some of the best jokes are purely accidental and/or rely on other people knowing us VERY well. For example, I saw a movie with my Aspie boyfriend in high school. There was a trailer for The Omen on 6-6-06 (another reference I didn't understand). The trailer didn't have a voiceover pronouncing "Omen." Being raised non-religious, I did not know how Omen was pronounced, and I assumed the concept was somehow related to "Amen," a word I knew how to pronounce. Me: *whispers* "What's the Amen?" BF: "It's a stupid movie." My BF was raised Catholic, and we are still
  10. I should have put my list of pre-planned responses (i.e, stuff I don't believe it but pretend to in order to prevent conflict) in list format, now that I see the big block of test I can see where it gets confusing. The thing is I have to agree verbally with their racist and intolerant beliefs (although oddly they are not homophobic) otherwise they think I am ignoring them or sulking. At least they generally have enough sense to not voice their bigotry in public.
  11. My folks believe this and I have to agree with them otherwise I get yelled at. It's my way of keeping the peace. Sorry I didn't make this clear.
  12. I'm really sorry to hear that. My folks are abusive due to brain damage and PTSD, and they have treated me like a child ever since my Risperdal ceased to be an option and I immediately realized their BS. Took me a while to realize their brain damage meant they automatically rewrote history and are fundamentally unable to realize they are abusive. They have told me that any thought that is not, "my parents are on my side and have never hurt me" is a delusion and if I don't stop arguing (I'm calling them out on their BS) they will put me back on the Risperdal. They would rather me be drooling an
  13. I am crowduck. I am mildly autistic with GAD, a strong sense of right and wrong, and a very hot temper in regards to wrong things. I have two physically and emotionally abusive, brain damaged parents and a wonderful little brother who I love more than life itself. After 25 years of drug cocktails that helped calm my temper and GAD by leaving me in zombie land (wasn't the worst, I was able to go to college, swim competitively, and even convince the stupid city council to not be so Scrooge-ish.) I have two pharma drugs left due 25 years of severe side effects to everything else - Lamictal and Li
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