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isis

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About isis

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  1. Yes things are going well and I've returned because I missed the community, not because I'm unwell. I've actually managed to find a great combo of meds and have been stable basically since i was here last, which is awesome. Have managed to move house and start a new job without anything disastrous happening - so smooth sailing at the moment
  2. Definitely talk to your doctor. Side effects of lithium increase can also increase your serum levels. Which can worsen the side effects... Any loss of fluid through vomiting and diarrhea has the potential to make you dehydrated and raise your lithium levels. Keep your fluids up and speak to your doctor. Hope you feel better soon.
  3. Hi everyone, I frequented crazyboards a few years ago but left for a while - mainly because life got busy and i drifted away. Now i'm back, and glad to see familiar faces around the place. isis.
  4. My doctors suggested basilar migraine as a diagnosis to me but I don't know what the overall consensus was. I take propranolol now, and I've found it the only thing that helps (although i havent been down the verapamil road). There are certainly other prophylactic meds that could be tried.
  5. i think i'm a morning and night person, but not really an afternoon person. I need a nap in the middle of the day, or i end up grumpy and tired at one end of the day.
  6. I think you're right. Thankyou for replying to me. Today has been a better day, and he has been happier. I also cried a lot last night and talked to him about how I was feeling, even though he was sad at least we were still close and able to talk about it. He said he feels unable to have sex at the moment and I said thats ok so now we are planning to watch some tv together regularly and cuddle. Because the closeness is important I think. I'm glad not all days are like yesterday.
  7. Hi everyone, I haven't been on crazyboards for a long time. Since I've been here last, I've finished uni, and I've been doing well mentally. I've applied for graduate jobs and I'm waiting to hear (will take a while). I'm working part time and keeping myself occupied. I haven't seen my pdoc for months and months because I've been episode free and really stable. changed onto pristiq to get rid of side effects from effexor. But basically - good. My partner is dealing with his depression and I find it really hard. I take him to his appointments, I encourage him to do positive things like art, exercise, etc. I try to frame it in a way that its not 'You should do this' but 'Lets go for a walk together'. Which is ok but I feel like without me doing that - nothing happens. He likes his psychiatrist and goes once a week. For about a year he has been at the level of functioning where he sleeps a lot, gets up, often forgets to eat, eats junk, and plays on the computer all day. He doesn't work, and hasn't for over a year now. Recently he got back into study and working on some projects he had, but after about a week found himself unable to stop. Its like its all or nothing, and now we are back to nothing. His doctor wants him to just 'sit with the feelings' and not work to avoid feeling bad. I think playing games is avoiding it just as much. I find it really frustrating to see him stay in the same room all day. He also has no sex drive now and feels totally anxious about having sex. If we ever do have sex he doesn't enjoy it half the time or its really short and like he is just getting it over and done with. I feel bad even asking because he starts feeling bad because he doesn't feel like it. When he gets depressed he retreats and just stays away from me. The hugs and affection goes away and occasionally he'll just sit next to me for a bit looking sad. He'll come to bed and play with his phone or laptop and not talk to me and I just feel really alone. I've tried talking to him about it but he gets even more sad and upset that I am not happy and last time he cried because he thinks he is making me miserable. I know he is trying in his own way, and that it can take a long time to move through a deep depression. I guess I feel really hopeless sometimes and wonder what our lives will be like if it is always like this. The more I move on with my life the less time we spend together but I don't want to mooch at home all day everyday and achieve nothing. Neither does he really. Normally I talk to him about everything, and I believe communication is key. I just feel that in this case, talking to him about how i'm feeling makes him feel worse, and its not constructive at all. I'm trying to encourage healthy eating, I'm cooking healthy food so that he has it there available to eat, and I'm continuing to encourage going for walks together. I just feel alone with this. I can't talk about our sex life to my friends, or my parents, and whinging about this to other people doesn't fix anything. I just want to move forward somehow and its heartbreaking to feel pushed away and like he is going nowhere at the same time. Any advice, help, thoughts, experiences, anything at all... would be appreciated. isis.
  8. Hi, I'm doing ok at the moment myself, but I'm feeling really down and anxious about my partner's depression. We've been together for more than 2 years, and when i first met him and we started going out, he seemed like a great, normal guy. He told me he had depression but that didn't put me off. He is a really caring, loving person and we are very well matched - we agree on the important things and seem to complement each other. We are engaged, and we both know that our illnesses will make things challenging at times, so are prepared to work hard at being well and looking after ourselves and each other. Having said that, i am currently quite well, and he is not. He is a lot better than he was though, and is improving, but slowly. I am trying to remain positive and supportive of him, but its really hard for me because i tend to be more proactive than him when i am unwell. I've managed to get him to get a referral to a pdoc and psych, and i'm hoping that he will like them and that some progress can be made. He's not working at the moment and not studying, just playing games on the computer mostly. He struggles with social contact beyond my family (who we live with, a situation we are both comfortable with), so going out and meeting new people usually sends him into a downward spiral. I feel that a lot of his depression is non-biological - so drugs have helped somewhat but not heaps for him. He's really struggling with the cognitive side effects, so his memory is totally shit, he forgets a lot of what i say to him, he forgets to do things, and he just never gets around to getting organised. He's totally unmotivated. I'm trying to get him to exercise some more (to lose weight and improve mood) but this is really hard because unless HE wants to go walking, he wont go. If i push the point, he usually goes to bed and says he has a headache. Whenever i bring up a difficult topic, he usually ends up with an upset stomach or a 'migraine', and i dont think that these are at all fictitious, just that there is a link there and he doesnt seem to see it. He doesnt see the value in therapy because i dont think he can recognise that a lot of his issues are centered around negative thinking and obsessive thoughts, etc. I'm feeling responsible for getting him 'back to normal' because if i stop pushing him, he does even less than he's doing now. At the same time, i'm also studying full time and working in all my spare time and applying for graduate positions. Soon I'll hopefully be working full time. I really have enough on my plate without trying to motivate myself AND him. I dont feel capable of making sure that i exercise when he can come with me all the time because he won't go on his own. Sometimes i feel like quitting and just making him figure it out on his own because its exhausting. I know its like this when people are depressed but knowing doesnt make it easier. At least when i was depressed, i saw a psychiatrist regularly and was more inclined to go out, even if i wasn't excited about it. Its just that we have different issues and clearly its not as easy for him. I feel incredibly guilty for wanting to give up, im just feeling so overwhelmed by the constant pressure to help him. I also feel horrible that i want him to be normal sometimes so that when people ask me what my partner does, i have something to say. I feel like I am caring for him sometimes, rather than being his partner. If i get upset, he gets upset for making me upset. Its stressful. I feel a sense of grief for having lost that person that I originally connected with, that I felt I could trust and rely on. He is scared that he won't get back to normal. I am trying to be positive that he will get there, but at the same time I feel so hopeless and I'm feeling grief and stress and panic because I don't know how i can handle this for my entire life if he doesnt get better. Leaving is not an option. I do love him. I just need to vent somewhere. I want to go to his appointments with him, but he won't let me. I really just need someone to hear me say these things because im feeling really alone. isis.
  9. thanks guys for the support and suggestions. There are a few things which make it additionally challenging. I am wary of being involved in 100% of the things he does because i think he needs his space and so do i. But when I've suggested he goes out, or looks at a social group to join, etc, he says no, or even if he is interested, never does anything about it. I am well aware that I am naturally much more motivated than he is anyway, and I'm trying not to have massively high expectations that he can't ever meet. I completely agree about his depression not being as in check as I/he thinks it might be. He has moved away from his support team to move in with me (which was his decision, and he took a few months/year to decide, so it wasnt impulsive). However even when he *was* living near his team, he saw his pdoc infrequently, and his GP managed most things. This was ok as his GP is well trained in psych stuff, but (in my opinion) he didn't see him enough, and there was no specific 'therapy' or goals to work towards. His GP is a really nice guy and he is comfortable with him so he is still in contact - and by that I mean, he could contact him if he wanted to, but often never gets around to it. I have suggested several times (including recently, and all in sit down, focused discussions) that he see a psychologist but he doesnt want to. He doesn't think he needs it and suggests that if he needs to go, then I do too. The thing is though, that i have a pdoc who I see on an as needed basis now because I've been doing well. For quite a while. I think I will talk to my pdoc about it today (i'm going to pick up some prescriptions today and have a general catch up). I've probably been working a bit too much, so I don't have heaps of time or energy to go out and do things - sometimes even going for a walk is the last thing i want to do. But i am determined to get him going out so I will make more of an effort. We do go for walks, but not everyday and I agree this could be very helpful. I think its hard to suggest all these things he could do when he seems to find anything quite an effort. Its also hard for him to just agree to everything I say, and he wants to do what he wants (which would be fine if he wanted to do anything) and I get that because I am the same. thankyou so much for just replying - i feel kind of on my own with this even though I have him, its hard to continually bring this up, so i pick the best time to talk. isis.
  10. Hey everyone, I haven't been around for a while because i've been working flat out. My partner and I are now also engaged! woohoo! Our relationship is good and we are both happy together, which is good. However we both have mental health issues (I have bipolar, he has depression/anxiety). His illness was quite severe about a year ago and he had to quit work because he just kept having panic attacks and then was on the med go round and anyway, he is now not working. Money isn't the issue because he has income insurance, however he now spends all his time at home, in our study, playing games. He does have some study that he's doing but he only occasionally does that. I'm really not sure how to help him or what to suggest next. He really needs to get out of the house a bit. He doesn't really have any friends around although he gets along with my brother very well which is good. Having been depressed myself and spent a lot of time at home doing nothing (and trying to study), i have experienced the way you get stuck in this routine of doing nothing. I am the kind of person who is normally very motivated and i like to be busy, so it was hard for me being like that and its hard for me to watch him like this now. I am being supportive and not being pushy because i don't want him to get stressed and go downhill. But i really think he needs to gradually get out and get used to seeing other people and going other places before he attempts to start work again. He is planning on getting a job again in another 6 months or so, but i dont think he thinks it will be that hard to go from doing nothing, to working full time. I'm pretty sure it will be a disaster though. any ideas, comments or advice is very welcome! isis.
  11. I've had my dx for a bit more than 4 years now. I think in most senses I have 'got over it' or moved on from it being in the front of my mind, and now its really just a dimension of life that i deal with without much fuss or difficulty. I think I feel more at peace with my past knowing what was going on in my head and I can appreciate that things were difficult for a good reason. I do feel a quite apprehensive about the future and having kids and a family because i don't know how things will change over time. Mostly I think I have learnt good lessons about taking care of myself properly and not getting slack with eating, sleeping, being organised. I've also learnt to look at things a lot differently. I understand people better. I have more empathy and I am not scared of what I don't know as much. I live less in the future or the past and more right now.
  12. I don't think illness implies cure, because there are plenty of illnesses that are chronic or terminal without cure. But I agree that I prefer disorder too.
  13. I am one of those people who just seems to understand spelling and grammar, it just comes naturally and i notice words that are out of place or sentences that don't make sense. Online sometimes i don't spell things write because I type so fast that sometimes the ends of my words get jumbled and I don't notice. I had a friend in primary school who was the opposite - no matter how hard she tried she spelt most things wrong, even if she understood the meaning of the word and the sentence. I guess I got used to being patient with terrible spellers early. I don't like ppl hu typ lik dis or pEoPle wHo TyPe LiKe ThIs. That is really annoying and if it takes me more work to read it I generally stop reading it. Most of the time though, as long as I can get the point, I don't really care. Unless its a group presentation at uni, and then I'll correct everyone's spelling mistakes. I also type online like I talk in RL, so my grammar is often a bit out because of that - such as starting sentences with the wrong words and stuff. I also spell words the Australian way which is different to the American way. Picking up minor spelling mistakes seems like splitting hairs.... but Bipolar is understandable because its often the topic and its written around here a lot. I used to think that Bipolar was a better name because it didn't have the same kind of stigma, it seemed that people hadn't worked out what it was. Its seems that they have now though, and the stigma is kind of the same. isis.
  14. To the couple of people who mentioned 'blanking out' and just being frozen, unable to do anything - research on shift work and sleep has actually found that shift workers have the same problem when they get tired (which is made worse by their shift work). A significant number of people reported that happening to them while working - just going blank, feeling totally unable to move or do anything. Its like being paralysed. I think that when I'm depressed, my brain just gets tired. If i get very tired, i behave like I do when i am depressed. If I am depressed, I act like i'm tired (and feel exhausted) all the time. I speak less, and when i do, i speak slower. I sleep hours more each day, and whenever i can't think of what to do, or can't get around to doing something, i take a nap. When i have plenty of energy and I'm not depressed, deciding not to wash the dishes or clean the house is lazy (for me). But when i'm depressed its not really a choice i'm making anymore, its just that i feel physically and mentally unable to actually get up and do anything. Sometimes i lie on the floor in between my bedroom and the kitchen because i get worn out from getting out of bed. Its not really a choice then. I think its all about perception though. I think I can't do something and that its impossible - but its not my arms refusing to work, its my brain refusing to make them work. With encouragement I can usually do more. This is why it helps, i think, to have people to support you and kick you up the butt when you aren't getting anywhere. It also feels really painful being forced into things, until you prove that you could do it. To me, 'lazy' is a label that people apply to other people, and a way they criticize themselves too. Some people are more organized than others, but 'laziness' is quite subjective. isis
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