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About wookie

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    Arrrrrrgh snort snort

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  1. It was a small elephant, and still alive
  2. This sums up my sentiment of Facebook. You're not actually connected to people. Some family show they care. My old friends as well. But no one can tell what my inner experiences are. Maybe I post the odd humourous or political article. Some of my friends think fb literally steals your soul and when we go out we tell people not to post our images. Some of my friends on fb come across like assholes and I've lost friends because of fb. I tried reaching out to someone in my past and the only answer I got were two email hacks. Blocking me would have given me a kinder answer. Not even sure if it was them but I just know it was from a town they had a business in or had lived in at one point. For a while I had a catfish who seemed to really want to get a hold of me across multiple accounts. They seemed to be connected to multiple women's accounts. Seemed to rip off pictures of men as their identity, but had a painfully obvious MO and manner of speaking that you could out in 2 seconds. I just thought, fuck it, if people actually care they can speak to me by calling me and hanging out with me.
  3. I've got music that can be a bit of a tear jerker
  4. I've been on hold for 40 mins for grocery gateway. Trying to get food in the panic I get bad headaches when I don't drink a coffee
  5. I was my own abuser. I became so self destructive but I also had no help. When I looked at the ways in which I sought appropriate help and care in my teens it was fruitless and I was blamed. Ending up homeless seemed to be the most helpful thing because I could get away from my abuser. It was amazing how I couldn't even report it. It became a dangerous situation and the so called help did absolutely nothing. I was told I could fix the situation by not running away. I couldn't talk to anyone. Despite issues with suicidality and self harm no one wanted to check in with me on that. And I went through the proper channels to get help (police and children's services). No one interviewed me. I was told it was all my fault. Talking about it was met with physical violence by my family. My needs growing up were severely undermet.
  6. I kind of broke the levee. I think it has not so much even to do with the trauma but the loss of healthy connections to people and my community. It felt like like no one saw me or helped me. And I failed on my end too. When I felt myself at my absolute worst it felt people just wanted to watch me go down. I feel like people shamed me for things that people seemed to protect others for. I feel dishonest in my one experience but when I get into the details a lot of people say what he did was so wrong and probably label it the same way I did. It's scary. I feel like I struggled to even have my basic needs met. But I feel like that should be the past. I tried contacting someone from past to talk things out. But their life kinda makes it impossible to do that. So I feel I gotta disconnect. It's not healthy. But I feel worse disconnecting rn. Like I should leave the door open. But I seriously have no answers on what to do. Just trying to move forward.
  7. I just feel like I'm dumping on someone else, or feel it's not bad enough. Anyone else feel the same.
  8. I struggle with this more than I'd like to admit. I literally cry at nothing. I laugh too. My moods have a rollercoaster cycle. I could go from super sad to laughing hysterically. If I get depressed your sure to see me cry an awful lot but have moments of laughing. It makes me feel like nut.
  9. I cried like a four year having a meltdown at a supermarket the other day. I am not sure how I managed sleep afterwards. Going to the gym? Music. I listen to loud music, followed by soft music. Crosswords are a nice distraction
  10. I don't want to go over every detail but I disclosed a bit including sleep issues and some trauma history. I became so forgetful that day. I forgot the date of the appointment, lost my headphones, my wallet, and got another date mixed up. I am not always that absent minded. I felt okay after leaving. When I got home I wrote some stuff that was sort of related to the trauma and cried uncontrollably for a few hours. Then I slept. I just felt flooded. And what I wrote wasn't even about a trauma. I guess it was the trauma of a lost relationship and I realize some things I hadn't dealt with. It's the broken relationships and just trying to have relationships after some of the stuff that went on. I cling to ideals I guess and people that I think don't make me feel traumatized. But they're gone and I feel I have trouble connecting and having healthy relationships.
  11. Granted! I want to become a human centipede and run some races. That'd be sick. Think of the shoe sponsorships. I could wear all my favourite shoes- at once! I'd be running in my flowing skirt past some Kenyans. But my landlord wants to increase my rent due to my freakish size now I wish I could get a better night's sleep.
  12. I honestly thought the disorder has been ruled out of the DSM-5
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