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wookie

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Everything posted by wookie

  1. I have trouble with my family's stance on MI. When my mother was told by a teacher that I was in distress she replied that everything was all my fault. She let my brother beat me and laughed at it by saying I was the crazy one and they were going to lock me up. That antagonistic environment in itself was enough to drive anyone crazy. My family is clueless. They think nothing of the sort has ever happened. With age I have started calling bullshit on things. Why do I not want to spend a lot time with them? Let me explain... and the stories are easily forgotten like everyone has amnesia. And my mom's hypocrisy is laughable.
  2. I am going through some stuff. I dumped an ex of six years. He was emotionally abusive and did some awful shit. When I confronted him on the issues a switch went off where I just thought, "no more." And to think I loved him. I felt much better when I cut him loose. He tried to contact me. He developed depression and asked me for tips. He then developed more serious problems. When I spoke about our past to him I mentioned that him speaking to me was not a green light for his abuse. He could not answer nor could he apologize. That was the final nail in the coffin. I have heart ache from a few things but I take my time working through them.
  3. I was honestly a bit confused about what happened here. Simon took advantage of you. It may be your kink but it seems he crossed your boundaries as well. I don't know what to call what happened there. Maybe I am out of the loop. I can understand just coming clean and just wanting to put it behind you, I hope your partner forgives you, and you can move on.
  4. I have a burning desire to connect with someone from my youth. He watched me descend into complete and total meltdown. I am wondering what he knows of the cause. I wish I could talk to him. Found his facebook page and just gave a very brief hello (mentioning that I don't want to intrude because he has a wife and kids now). He never replied. I sometimes wish to reconnect because I wonder if it will just make me feel a bit better. I went through some awful things aside from mental illness. I wonder if they blame me or think I am exaggerating on what happened to me. I often just feel very negative and just feel there is nothing I can do, or I am at fault for what happened. It's an odd pain, and I don't know if I am just stuck on a person because they were a witness at the worst of it. I hate to seem like some weirdo stalker.
  5. I see my psych in a week so I will get an opinion then. I see her next wednesday.
  6. To be honest I don't think anyone knows what the fuck they're doing. I asked my family doc if I could just come off the Lyrica which I take 150 mg 2x a day. After telling her this (until I was blue in the face) she wrote a bizarre scrip into the pharmacy suggesting I take Lyrica 225mg plus 2x 25mg tablets all at once, at night. Either they think I'm selling it, or fuck it, who knows. Will bad shit happens if I just stop by missing a 150mg dose?
  7. not really, but I am still not dropping the dose until I see her again. She advised I take seroquel earlier in 100mg does 3x a day. See her next week.
  8. I take them together. I'll try in the morning to see what happens.
  9. No. I was thinking I was getting depressed when I was on zoloft and lyrica. It's hard to tell though. My workplace was genuinely shitty, current relationship legitimately sucks, and maybe I just had a hard time sleeping because I sleep next to a chronic snorer. I think I got somewhat depressed. Hard to tell what is situational and what is disordered and I feel I am getting symptoms that are new and while and maybe an indication of my meds not being right.
  10. I don't think the seroquel is helping enough and I think that adding a mood stabilizer and coming off Lyrica would be best.
  11. I am currently on 300 mg of seroquel for bipolar II (mainly depression) and 300 mg Lyrica for anxiety. I want to come off the Lyrica because I think it might be causing rage and it always seems to happen after my morning dose of 150 mg Lyrica, and 100 mg of Seroquel. I take 150mg of Lyrica at 9am and then again at 5pm. My Seroquel is taken at 100 mg at 9am and 200 mg at 9pm. It is Extended Release. The Lyrica is in capsule form. Any thoughts? I am smallish 44 yo woman.
  12. Is spanking your cat just a female version of spanking your monkey?
  13. Just feel it's so hard to reconnect with people.  The one's who wish to reconnect are so hard on me.  The ones who could be genuinely helpful have left.

  14. Why do I feel so worthless and disconnected ftom everyone.

  15. I want to thank everyone for their input. I was tried on lithium and will consider it again. I was maybe titrated up too quickly starting at 450 mg for 5 days then 900 mg then onward and upward. Just had such a severe mood reaction that it was scary. Seroquel is working well so far and I know many people who take it. Because of a possible risk of dementia should I stop it? No. I am working with a doctor on it and am definitely being closely monitored. So if another 20 or so years of relatively stability happens because of my meds i'll take it. I'll worry about the other stuff if it ever arises. Can't control everything in life.
  16. Yeah that silly new bipolar dx had my doctor yank out my antidepressant and put me on an AAP- seroquel. Do I ever need the sleep and it is helping with that as well as lifting my mood. If I die senile but comfortable that is okay. I haven't updated my med profile, and haven't been near a benzo in a while since I made that statement. So my thoughts have changed since then. That counselor was creepy I must admit. I dumped her like a hot potato as she sort of squicked me out. As for meds, currently it's hard to get a benzo when everybody who is treating me wants to treat my bipolar first. For a while I think the benzo was a small bandaid for my mental health issues and it really was no longer cutting it.
  17. True. Old age is never really pretty. Something is gonna get me. I've gotten to that point in life where unmedicated bipolar depression will kill me faster than the meds.
  18. Yep Mr. Charming pants. Being that so many people fell in love with his cool and charming demeanor nobody understood why I didn't feel so special to be in his shadow or want to be more like him. I took a lot of shit for that. I remember he had quite a series of bad relationships. Some where he ripped the woman off, left her, and then moved onto the next one and did the same thing. His girlfriend adopted a child and at the same time his mistress gave birth to a child. So many conflicting interests and twisted histories. He would rip me off and try horrible things on me. The joke was on me if I fell for it. He felt I owed him everything. My bank account was often drained and my emotions were exhausted. He would beat a girlfriend and end up in jail. He'd expect me to bail him out although he committed the same acts towards me. He'd demand unconditional love and money from me and yet would never do the same for me; I was always the cold hearted one even though how he behaved towards me was completely heartless. I have PTSD from my immediate family.
  19. I have a brother who is unofficially labelled a sociopath. Growing up I heard the term bantered about amongst family when describing his behavior and unremorseful actions towards others. Some of those behaviors include: Repeated violence towards women. He has been accused of uttering death threats, stalking, and assaulting his partners and has served a couple of brief sentences. I was his target practice growing up. I experienced many forms of abuse and my mother (who has another form of crazy perhaps) enabled his behavior because I was "crazy." I was totally afraid he might kill me. My mom was a selfish bitch and likely still is to this day. Their behavior left a few scars on my psyche. Conning/Manipulative behavior Running scams Criminal activity/break ins/petty crime to grand larceny He is now almost 49 and I haven't spoken to him in 12 years. He has children with different women and is now married. Do sociopaths soften with age? He used to beat and threaten to kill me. My family refuses to acknowledge that he poses safety risk to others. At best I think he will still try to dupe me. There are some especially fucked up family dynamics that help attribute to his behavior too. I've started talking to some family but feel I need some more people to back me up before I start to open up more. Should I be this uptight about him?
  20. I signed up for facebook a week ago and I already want to shut it down.

    1. M@ri

      M@ri

      Yep, FB is like that sometimes. It's ok to get out 

    2. Blahblah

      Blahblah

      It drives me mental much of the time, but addictive and I keep scrolling any moment I am bored. I hate it but can't quit it.

    3. wookie

      wookie

      I just find it ridiculous.  My biggest pet peeve is if you can't say it to the person's face or over the phone- don't send a poison pen text/email or make a passive aggressive fb about your annoyance.  So much communication yet it seems to make us dumber.

  21. Sometimes when an acquaintance posts the absolute craziest shit on fb I wonder if I am really crazy, or if they're in need of an intervention of some kind

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