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About Laceratus

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    Ask Me
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    Sleeping, thinking too much, procrastinating, gaming, philosophy, art (of various forms)
    Also does: physics, boxing, reading, dancing

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  1. I'm sorry for your loss. I know how devastating it can be. Hope you feel better as your cat would not want you to fall apart.
  2. I also feel this way. I hope you get a chance to get your head above water soon! - It's usually the times I don't feel like this that keep me going - holding on to those memories and trying to remember they are real. Your memories of better times are real and you deserve them, and I wager you shall have more of the these experiences again!
  3. Yes please I'm sorry you have relationship stresses! Mental illness can make relationships REALLY hard, but you are not less of a person for it - it will be a deal breaker for some, as you mentioned, but not for others. I know lots of people in solid relationships where one or both of them have some kind of mental illness (including me). I hope it goes well for you.
  4. I think it may be the case that this person doesn't feel friendship toward you. I don't want to speculate over the motivations of a person I haven't met but if it is the case that he isn't friendly to you then I can empathise. I think the earlier suggestions of finding another friend and talking about this to a therapist should be priorities. Hope you feel more settled.
  5. What do you mean by "out to get you"? I am disposed to associate this phrasing with an instance of paranoia, however I suppose by definition bullies are indeed "out to get you". I think it is fair to say that bullies (genuine bullies, not someone you may have misunderstood) are sadistic individuals who enjoy belittling another for their own satisfaction and thus do intend to "get you" and may well make a habit of it and are thus "out to get you". I think what is less likely is that they obsess about bullying you specifically and what is 99.99% unlikely is that there is a conspiracy of people who make complex plans designed to derail your self-esteem and mental health. I am sorry bullying has affected you worse than the average person, I too was a juicy target for those wishing to relieve personal stress or enforce their own cultural norms by laying waste to those who represented what was outside of their world.
  6. I am used to mild dissociation most of the day, but I think it has been twice now that, seemingly out of the blue some really odd stuff has happened and I was wondering what it is likely to be or if anyone else has had the experience. First time was a few years ago, I was crossing the road after volunteering... in the middle of a several-year-long depressive phase but the day itself was actually relatively ok. Out of nowhere (I don't remember how suddenly or if it was even sudden at all) I couldn't understand what I was seeing. I had no problems seeing cars, trees etc. but their forms meant nothing to me - it was very disturbing, like everything was in my peripheral vision maybe. I had to stop and remember that I was in the middle of the road and to put one foot in front of the other so to speak, though I think it may have been me remembering the sensation of the muscle groups as the image of my legs and what I was walking on didn't make sense. I hope I am as accurate as possible in this recollection because I really remember very little of it despite making a mental note after it happened that it was one of the most bizarre and unsettling things that ever happened to me. A similar thing recently happened, but even more intense it was very frightening. I was awake for too long, though not more than 24 hours I think, trying to go to bed and it was like my mental processes were shutting off one by one - the room "disappeared", that is I think I could still see my surroundings but my brain was ignoring them. I felt like my memories were dissolving and that I was the bare minimum amount of consciousness floating in space with no past or identity - certainly no physical surroundings. I remember feeling terrified that my brain was dying and I'd become brain dead in a few more seconds. I tried to do some simple mental maths to keep myself alive (I think I might have tried to anchor myself through remembering personal stuff first but I couldn't connect to the memories) and I think that saved me, as I returned to (relatively) normal soon after. Both cases might have lasted 5 minutes. I'm pretty put off ever going behind the wheel now and though I don't really feel fear this will happen again, logically I have decided I should be quite concerned. These times were far beyond my usual dulled sense of reality (if my usual experiences of reality might be compared to poor eyesight then these would be blindness) though they were very brief and I remembered the occurrences. Anyway, I have limited knowledge of DDs and I have to wait weeks to see the psychiatrist so I thought I'd ask here.
  7. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I'm pretty new to my own treatment so don't have much good advice. I have had the symptoms you describe but not for so long a time. I hope the meds improve your day-to-day experiences eventually.
  8. If your hospital ER is worth more than spit there will be mental health professionals on hand to help you with this. Hope you get through it.
  9. Isn't this kinda like anger / dysphoria though? I have various motivations for SH, though I have never experienced no.3
  10. Hello I appreciate this issue as it has crossed my mind too. From an individual point of view it can sometimes be hard to tell the difference between psychosis and really bad dissociation and it's probably best left to a professional to suggest what is what. I guess the way I think of it is that psychosis is feeling unreality is real, and dissociation is feeling reality is unreal, but both terms seem to have wide and occasionally overlapping descriptions and my understanding is limited. There seems to have been a similar discussion here earlier.
  11. Yes, I might go to the doctor, though my reservations are that in going I will feed into the fear I'm doing it for attention. Still, better than it being written on my face. I have heard of dissociation, though I hear it can describe a whole host of things. I had a strong instance of it a few years ago when crossing the road and couldn't recognise the pavement, cars etc. (like looking at a painting but unable to attach any meaning to the forms) but haven't had anything that bad since. I think what happened was that I have been suppressing a desire to destroy myself and I just slipped up. Vitamin E oil. OK. Thank you.
  12. I was stabbed by an ex once. I sneaked up on her when she was writing and went "Aaaah"! She screamed and stabbed me with her pen. She was aiming for my face but I dodged and she got me in the chest. There was blood, but it made the experience even funnier. I'm glad you are not with this person anymore, better than being pushed into doing something that could end up in legal problems.
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