dancingphantom

headache, body aches. Ashamed.

I am sorry i didn't look through all the threads, this may have an answer. Also, I just got a little relief from an episode, so if I mistype or anything its because I'm shaking and a but groogy. It tapered off and I was left with body aches, scratches on my neck and, during and after, a splitting headache. I swear that something bite during this episode. My girlfriend is waiting it out with me, so inam not alone. But I feel like ahit. And I hurt all over. Is this reality from the episode or what? Is it in my head? Has anyone else experienced pain after or during an episode?

Minecraft in the background and the kids talking while dying eggs.

This is a good question. According to the doctors I am SZA bipolar type. I have acute symptoms or so that is what they say. My depression is the main monster I battle, but I do experience up swings and hypo mania. The psychosis is around all the time, does not matter my mood.

Yes, I have fears of the dark. I have a night light that I use. However, it casts shadows in places that always look like there is something staring back at me. I just have to meditate, do a body scan, or do reality checking. If I roll over, I have to make sure that my back , all the way to the back of my head, is covered in blankets, somehow that makes me feel safe. When I do the nightly turning off of lights and locking doors before bed, I find myself running up the stairs. Something is always chasing me in the dark, I can feel their eyes on me and I feel them wisp the back of my head and neck as I attempt to get away from them. I contribute it to my imagination mixed with my psychosis. I can honestly say, when I am not in an episode I still have those thoughts. But. they are less extreme. I can walk slower, challenge my self to turn around and prove to myself there is nothing there. It still scares the hell out of me. So, I think psychosis could play a part or make the normal fear of the dark worse and visa versa.

aside

cheat

worried, depressed. I just found out my daughter has been talking about suicide... I was hoping she wouldn't have to deal with that like I do.

I feel great, better than I should. My Fiance mentioned I might be hypo right now. Symptoms are there. I do not want to fix it because I feel so good.

nervous and my feet hurt....

Drag

My depression can come on at any moment. I know when I am having depression issues, I just find that I cannot get out of them. Then all the sudden I ramp up and get hypo. However, I do not usually know when I have become hypo, I just get really in tuned with doing stuff to the effect that I do not sleep and I have grand thoughts, I begin to just do too many things all at once. I get angry really easy when I am activated. I have psychosis most of the times, does not matter if I am "up" or "down". So a psychotic episode is hard for me to really tell. I am really just learning how to manage all of this, I don't self medicate anymore.