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Noppera-bo

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About Noppera-bo

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  1. Okay thanks. I I figured out mine is more a sensitivity to light, especially UV sunlight, not an allergy. But it was interesting to read about. Thanks for the help.
  2. Is it possible to be sensitive to or allergic to sunlight? Every time I'm out in bright light or have shades up my eyes hurt, get slightly dizzy, feel a little nauseated. I've so many other health concerns and am on psych meds, which sometimes have the od side effect of increasing risk to heat stroke, but not the noes I'm on. I don't think so anyway, checked he labels and didn't see anything related to sun exposure. This has been going on since before the new meds too, and I've had a years long break in between psych meds. I'm just not sure if it's even real at this point, because I'm so sick with other stuff. Anybody with any credible info, I'd appreciate it. I won't hazard WebMD anymore, as, well, it's more a hazard than help.
  3. Yes. For me it's cats, dogs, horses, certain birds, anything fury and either large or small, dolphins of all species. Or hell, just trees and forestry and plants. I prefer all these things to people most days and in most situations and need a service animal around if I'm to be near any humans anyway. I may study humans, part of most of my jobs was that, but it makes me appreciate the simplicity of natural things other than humans all the more. I don't think they know how to enjoy the suffering in other animals as much as humans do even when humans misinterpret something like a cat toying with a mouse as enjoyment there's evidence it's more based on instinctually going after anything that moves without always being hungry enough to eat i, rather than truly enjoying the fear and pain the mouse is in
  4. So, my abusers all suck of course. May family that isn't dead sucks for abandoning me after my Dad died 2 years ago. Apparently they thought I could magically get my blood brother who left the family when h turned 18 to sign documents to dear old dead-beat dead Dad in the ground. My brother refused to even talk to any of us. The rest of the family blamed me. My lawyer sucks too. He seems to work for my abusers instead of for me, and his dealing with my abusers so they stop being cunts and follow the Final Restraining Orders is why I had to hire them. But all I hear from the lawyer that sucks is how hard it is for my abusers right now, being that a Superior court banned them from my home and from contacting me. My doctors suck for thinking I'm an idiot and could never understand my own conditions let alone research them until I've fund all relevant and current data there is on them. My employer sucks for not recognizing easy solutions to their current issues that they want me to solve. Strangers suck for either being creepy, annoying, superficial, or willfully stupid about things they know little of, but as long as they "believe" they know, it's o.k. Fuck. I think I may have finally begun to hate almost all humans on the planet. It took nearly 34 years of watching and listening to the bullshit, the manipulations, fear tactics, half-truths, falsehoods, outright lies, and game playing. And now I'm just done with it all. And that's outside of what humans do to knowledge itself, to history, to reality and to each other. Right, it's about to get incoherent. I'm on new meds that "supposedly" work with my genetics and "apparently" better than the pharmacy I've been on for 15 years here and there. None of it works and my pdoc doesn't give a shit as she thought i might not and I'm at the end of the ones she's willing to put me on. Sooo, my mar depression is just advancing and my PTSD not really helped by it and, well, end of the line? I think my pdoc sucks now too. It's ok though, cuz I'm the one everyone says needs to keep apologizing, and giving in, and warping myself for others or bending or breaking for them. Yep. No one on the planet ever did anything bad or annoying or screwed up. Anyway, rant done. Feel free to comment, but I might not get to t since I'm not sure I have the energy t do much more than my best t fade into the background again, considering death won't fucking get over here already n matter what I've done to beckon it
  5. Hey, Sras, new t this site and the diagnosis, as they pegged me for a variety of other disorders in 15 years before concluding long-term PTSD, but right no, and in the past few months, the place you're at is also where I m. I'll never dig out of it either, I think. I've thought for the past two days that I'm sure I don't want to anymore. I'm shut up tight in my house, all windows and doors locked and/or blocked, and shuddering at the prospect of having to go food shopping because it means there are other humans involved. I'm als a little pissed that I'm so afraid of them and that the lies and conditions of my abusers who are still able to control me and my home to some extent matter more to everyone in my town including my own lawyer who just scolded me for finally getting angry abut the abuse. I can't do anything but cry, have panic attacks, get angry, cry more and look up ways people used to actually complete suicide because I just don't care anymore. I suppose this might just make things worse, so I'm sorry if it did. Was only trying to convey I know the feeling you've got now.
  6. I don't think prolonged exposure will be effective as I will just have a meltdown, but when I see my social worker, and no she doesn't have a license related to counseling and doesn't seem to know about these therapies , I'll mention trying DBT. I've used all the others and only end up back in treatment after a few months. thanks.
  7. As far my ins and provider availability Ive only been allowed social workers, not real therapists and as much as many of them over the years have sometimes mentioned the newer therapies like CBT they all seem to revert to general talk therapies. I know Im also not stable, have no support network, no friends or family as they all deserted me, died or lied, abused or tried to diminish me. But then, most medical staff can be just as nasty as I learned while either working along side them or as a patient. I forget how little emotions, reactions, abuse and pain matter in this world until some provider, worker, doctor or police officer reminds me that no one will help anyone in need. A person can only rely on the self. But then when all resources and strength are gone and I still hear no one will help,that I have to fix myself and get over both physical and mental health disabilities, it makes me wonder why I don't self-medicate. If it were at all bad as they all say, then why has most of this country made it impossible as well as insulting and demeaning to get "real" help? Sorry about the rant. Tomorrrow is another bad day like aways .
  8. Too many people I encounter , although I think they are trying to help, esp docs, seem to tell methe same coping skills that already don't work should, orto just suck it up, or ask me what the abuses I have suffered through have taught me in the same tone that also tells me they think I am a child and don't know myself, how I think and react. I do a lot of self-evaluating and evaluate others too. But all I seem to have learned from it is that I should isolate more than I already do. Does that make more sense? Thx for a response btw, I wasn't expecting it .
  9. The kind where people seem to think I either do not know myself through introspection, or think as Im an academic, I must not know my diseases well, Ive always found it useless. And these people are the medical staff that supposedly know better. anybody else encounter this?
  10. I don't know if there is a term for abuse by physician but it happens.. My family's "doctor" when I was around 9, my brother 10, and my sister about 7 had to physically verify we were all virgins by parental decrees. I'm sure it sounds silly or unbelievable, but it caused me to learn no human is worthy or safe to be physically close to. I do my own research, teach and care for myself by myself, and only interact with others online every few years or so. When I get triggered by someone's ignorance or arrogance I go back to hiding. I did not even know aI could be allowed to choose 'nnoo' to a procedure or exam until my twenties, not that any medical "professional" ever explained or taught me anything, even when I tried asking, so I may understand, at least a little.
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