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Everything posted by NerdyUnicorn

  1. Wondering if anyone has experience with what Latuda withdrawal feels like. I had to start a med for physiological reasons that basically counteracts the Latuda (in part, theoretically). I’m feeling awful and am trying to figure out if I’m too low on my Latuda and having withdrawal symptoms or if it’s something else. TIA!
  2. I have all the symptoms of a non-functional pituitary adenoma and am getting an MRI on Friday. The wait is making me extremely anxious, and I’m having trouble doing things at home and work. Looking for words of wisdom or advice or any experiences with this or similar stuff!
  3. This is a cyclical problem in my relationship. Every several months we'll have a bad meltdown and I'll completely re-evaluate myself as a person (as in, I'm a shitty person and I don't deserve my partner) only to realize I'm depressed and that's why I've been really selfish and a generally uncaring partner. Don't get me wrong, introspection and self improvement is necessary on a regular basis, but I'm sitting here questioning my worth as a human in a way that's both unhelpful to my relationship and me. It doesn't end up fixing anything in the relationship, plus I'm a decent partner when I'm not depressed. I'm wondering if anyone has experience being in relationships while bipolar - I can't stop the depression (at least not completely) but I want to be better about not taking it out on her or being a generally shitty human while I'm going through the depression. TIA!
  4. When I first came out when I was 18, my parents were so skeptical that they had their cousin, who had come out years earlier, ‘put on her gaydar’ and figure out if it was true. Her verdict was that it wasn’t, but fast forward 10 years and I’m queerly engaged to be married. People do dickish stuff, but my parents at least ended up being supportive in the end.
  5. Hey, bipolar and non-binary here. I don’t have a ton of advice, as I’m newly aware of my gender identity and still figuring it out. I’m engaged though and I told her about my bipolar disorder early on. It’s been such a big thing in my life it felt deceptive not to. I agree about it being easier to sniff out people not being supportive of mental health than trans issues. Sorry I’m not a huge help, this stuff is complex.
  6. I recently got increased on my Latuda for some mixed symptoms - I'd been on 60mg one night and 80mg the next to even out at 70mg overall and we went up to just straight 80mg, so not a large increase. I've been stable for a long time, so it's been a while since I've really had to change anything. This morning I'm noticing some cognitive symptoms, which are definitely not fun. Trouble reading and thinking, mostly. I'm wondering how long it usually takes you to adjust to a new dosage in terms of side effects - if you have experience with Latuda, great, or just in general. I remember whole new meds take a month or longer but I don't really remember how long just dose increases take.
  7. I constantly wonder if I'm overreacting. But I don't think it's ever happened that I've actually overreacted. My psychotic symptoms are a little tricky because I don't need to be super manic before they kick it, they can happen at moderate levels of mania - and so much of what I experience aren't voices but sounds that I just can't independently confirm. Most of the time, I know something likely isn't real, but that doesn't stop it from occurring anyway. I agree with the above - always better to check things out early.
  8. Also not a doctor, but I've read the same thing. My paranoia came out when I was fairly manic, although not the most euphoric I've ever been, but it was the paranoia/psychosis that made the episode classify as severe. To me I'm not sure whether one causes the other (like paranoia/psychosis follows extreme mood) or whether they kinda coexist (like they come on together with an episode)... my experience seems more like it coexists for me at least, but again, not an expert.
  9. Hey estoyloca.... I'm sorry you're feeling the way you're feeling right now. I can't, of course, answer your question for you but I can share my experiences. As an undergrad, I studied one thing but figured out pretty quickly after graduating that it wasn't going to work with my bipolar. I had to drastically change my expectations of what life would look like for me. I'm now in grad school for something different, and the pace and hours of the resulting career are much more in step with what I need. But I've had 2 hospitalizations while I've been in school, and each time it's really shaken up what I think I can expect from myself. I've had to reassess and revise expectations with each episode. It can be depressing, for sure, for the reasons you mentioned. I've experienced that as well. But for me it's helped to know that I'm sort of coming out with the latest and best version of myself after each bipolar episode because I've learned so much from my experiences. Even if I don't feel stronger for the episode right away, I know I will eventually. I can say "I got through that and coped like a badass!" lol. Just my thoughts.
  10. I know CBT/DBT has good stuff for this, mostly like challenging it, although then I just wind up in a mental argument with myself about how awful/not awful I am, haha. That stuff hasn't worked for me because of my OCD... it takes a different approach to get those negative thoughts out for me, but the other people I was in group therapy with really liked the CBT and DBT techniques. Interesting you bring up fear of psychosis because that's exactly what I'm really fearing right now, as I'm working my way out of a psychotic mania/mixed episode. Sorry I don't have many suggestions, but you're definitely not alone.
  11. I heard somewhere that "action precedes motivation" and it's definitely true for me that if I try and keep moving (though not necessarily doing the things I "need" to do - just small things like walking) I feel better. If I make myself do good/healthy stuff before I feel like doing it, eventually I will actually feel like doing it. As long as I don't push it too much, I don't get a crash afterwards. I agree, dancesintherain.... A lot of my movement when I'm depressed is avoidance, so yeah, as soon as I stop moving the unhelpful thoughts come back. So either I need to move enough that I'll fall asleep quickly and not notice the thoughts, or find a creative way to move and deal with the thoughts at the same time. For me, that's recently been painting big pictures where I can move around as I'm doing it, but it's also emotionally therapeutic.
  12. So far, my therapy for OCD has been mostly identifying which of my thoughts are OCD (hint: a ton) and then trying not to use my compulsions to get rid of the thoughts. My compulsions are mostly mental, so you don't see them, but that almost makes it more difficult because I perform the compulsions (like "unthinking" certain things or replacing "bad" thoughts with "safe" ones, or even just yelling "STOP!!!" at the thoughts) without knowing I'm doing it. So after not performing compulsions, my therapist says I have to learn how to "sit" with the thought... super uncomfortable, but apparently it works. So I guess the big picture here, from what I've been taught, is awareness/mindfulness of thoughts, uncomfortable and comfortable. That's my experience, at least. But that's all super hard to do when I'm manic because the thoughts are just flying around my head so quickly. I've learned how to control things pretty well during depressive episodes, but mania is just plain awful for me; when I'm manic, and the OCD and anxiety have gotten even uglier than normal, I work on distress tolerance skills. I see from your signature you do CBT? That's what I do too, and it's been SOOO helpful. I just have to make sure I ask for help with the right issues (i.e. when to work on OCD stuff vs BP stuff, based on the constellation of symptoms I have at the time).
  13. As far as the possible/probable OCD is concerned, I found that for me, education was a huge piece of the puzzle. It helped me learn that the disturbing thoughts I was having was just a product of the OCD, and not a reflection of me as a person, which was a huge relief. I'm learning to identify which of my thoughts are just the OCD speaking and although I don't have a great way to get rid of the thoughts yet, just knowing what they are is a huge help, for me at least. I was also able to figure out that when I'm having a BP episode, my OCD gets worse (which makes my mind a big effing party). I don't know if that's true for you, but it's helpful when you've got multiple things going on to be able to identify which symptoms belong to which illness... to me, it makes things feel less messy.
  14. Some meds I've tried I've had terrible side effects, and others I've had no side effects whatsoever - despite the scary warning labels for all of them! I found that for me giving it at least a week (unless something's super intolerable) is a fair trial, at least as far as the bad side effects go (symptoms usually take longer to resolve). There are some meds I've tried that I wish I would have stuck with for more than a day because now I know the med wasn't working to its full potential yet. I also found that keeping notes every day on how I felt after taking it and then a few hours later and then at the end of the day (if it's a morning or daytime med) was really helpful, that way I could track how the side effects subsided over time. Like when I started gabapentin, I was really sleepy starting at 2 hours after I took it. But with taking notes, I noticed how the sleepiness decreased over time, and now I don't have any side effects at all. I found the note taking helped by showing me how the SE were improving every day. Plus, the really scary side effects are generally the least likely to happen... otherwise they couldn't market the med.
  15. So my pdoc told me that 3 drinks or more basically wipes all the meds out of your system (as your metabolism revs up to deal with the alcohol) and it takes ~5 days to get back to a steady state for meds. This conversation came about because I was having like 3 drinks in a night and not thinking anything of it cause I wasn't getting drunk, but obviously it was still hurting me. So it appears that more than 2 drinks is an issue, at least as far as meds are concerned.
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