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About Lorelion

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    Banana Brained

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  1. Everyone is different, but I can't say I support the no meds thing. I was untreated from 11-27. In that time I've caused myself a lot of embarrassments and regrets. After two suicide attempts while untreated, I will weigh in and agree that without my meds, I would probably be dead.
  2. I find myself doubting and thinking I'm overreacting when I start to see the subtle signs. My psychosis is pretty insidious -- it tends to build slowly, and then just explode. This was the first episode where I really knew what was going on, so it kept me safe. Luckily, the full-on psychosis only lasted for two days, and I was able to keep my judgement intact enough to not get into any trouble. Thank you all for the responses. It was a very weird and scary two days!
  3. Does anyone else who experiences psychotic features ever have them and feel like you can recognize what's going on but can't necessarily stop it? I'm feeling like I'm getting a little funky, but then I question whether or not I'm just imagining it or overreacting because I realize that something isn't quite right.
  4. Drinking definitely destabilizes me, especially if I'm already not doing the best. I just went out Saturday night and got trashed for the first time in a long time. I felt freaking awesome that night, but the next day I felt way worse than I had before. I've been pretty unbalanced since e.g. suicidal thoughts, mild papranoia. Alcohol + mental illness and psych meds is a bad combination. Not drinking at all is probably the best option, but that can be easier said than done. Hope you are feeling better.
  5. Thank you for the responses. It makes me feel a little better. My intrusive thoughts have calmed down a lot, but I think I'm going to talk to the pdoc about it.
  6. This is really difficult for me to talk about, but I'm really struggling and I don't see the tdoc until Tuesday. I was kicked out of nursing school last week because of forgetting to turn in clinical paperwork. I'll be able to go back, but it will just prolong the length of time until I'm a nurse and that I'm stuck in my shitty living situation. Since then I've just been going bonkers pretty much in all sorts of ways. Started a garden in the middle of the night, having panic attacks, etc. The issue that I'm really struggling with right now is my intrusive thoughts. I keep having horrible thoughts that I'll hurt my cat. I love my cat so much, and the thoughts disturb me to the point where start thinking about hurting myself and having really violent thoughts toward myself. For the past several days, it's been out-of-control and turned into an obsessive fear that I have the capacity to actually hurt my cat. I know I never would, but I just can't stop ruminating on it and I'm so miserable. I can't even look at him, and I don't want to be around him and then I'm constantly ruminating on hurting myself to stop me from thinking about hurting him. I feel like a horrible person, and I just want to enjoy being with my Sprinkles again. I feel like I'm trapped in my own head.
  7. I'll definitely talk to the doctor next time I see him. Thanks nervousbat! Haha.
  8. I've been really down the past couple of days thinking about all of the times when I've gotten angry and been mean to someone. I feel like that means I'm not a nice person, and that I don't have the right to stand up for anything that I believe in.
  9. I'm going to bring it up, but ataxia is one of the side effects and I just get really uncoordinated and start dropping everything.
  10. I currently take Lamictal and Seroquel (200mg each), and I'm noticing more and more that I'm experiencing a lot of the side effects from both of them. It sucks ?. The weird thing is that it's not a constant thing -- like I'll be fine, but then I have a couple of days where the side effects are really intense ... My hands pretty much won't work right, my concentration is so bad that people have to repeat things multiple times before I know what they're saying, blah, blah, blah. I'm just curious -- has anyone else experienced side effects in an intermittent pattern like that?
  11. Most of he time, I honestly feel pretty hopeless about the whole relationship thing. I'm hoping that, as I learn to manage bipolar better, relationships will be attainable. My relationships in the past were basically all manic flings and scandals, so my track record is pretty horrible thus far. For now, I've decided to not even consider dating because I have school and a lot of things to straighten out with myself. As an aside (because I was so irritated by this), the first person I dated after I knew about my MI also had one. He was super nervous to tell me about his severe anxiety and was really relieved when I wasn't at all bothered by it ... but then I told him I had BP 1, and he was totally freaked out ?. That incident certainly doesn't help with my hopefulness.
  12. Don't feel ashamed! It can be hard to not feel that way, but be kind to yourself. You're young, too, so you have plenty of time. I'm 27 and didn't get ANY kind of treatment until the beginning of last year, so believe me I've made a mess of my life thus far until like a few weeks ago. I've slowly been making huge steps and getting better. There's hope for sure. Just keep going and fighting.
  13. Oh, the things us bipolar folk do. Lol. I'm glad you haven't been arrested as well!
  14. I identify with this one so much, aura. I can't even tell you how many times I've gone off at cops and other authorities because I don't like injustice and they were abusing their power. How I haven't been arrested is a mystery to me.
  15. - This one time I almost got married and was going to move to Alabama ... luckily my fear of commitment kicked in when his parents said, "welcome to the family." The ring is really pretty though. - I've been to Hawaii, Mexico, the Bahamas, and The Wizarding World of Harry Potter despite the fact that I make $11/hr and work part-time. - Oh, and I have a brand new car. - I changed majors and colleges 6 times. I finally landed on the one that I'm genuinely passionate about and going to see through to the end: Nursing. However, past majors included (in order): dance, international studies, archaeology, special education, and astrophysics. - Many sexual indiscretions and scandals. I wore a shirt that had 'all the rumors are true' written across it, Easy-A style. - For a long time in high school I believed that I was some kind of reincarnated ancient super-spirit or something like that. I would suddenly start channeling my ancient soul and speak its language. I was pretty quirky and funny, so my friends thought I was joking and that it was hilarious. - There were many times when I would go, like, 24 hours without sleep because sleep is for squares. - I almost opened a bookstore. Had it all planned out, the name, how I wanted it decorated, everything. I know absolutely nothing about business. - Helicopter pilot. I was determined to become a helicopter pilot and work for Green Peace and stuff like that. - My non-profit that I was going to start that would provide every kind of service you could think of for free with no government funding, so that Republicans would have nothing to complain about. Honestly though, I still would really like if that became a thing. - I was convinced that I was meant to lead some kind of great revolution and change the world. - The time I flipped shit and took off the the beach ... at 110 mph ... with a backpack full of books that I was going to read all in one day ... forgot where I was going halfway there ... was convinced I had been on the road for 2 hours and it had only been 15 mins ... stopped on the side of the highway in MD, called Mom, and had a total mental breakdown ... convinced Mom not to call the state troopers ... went to the beach and happily swam in the ocean and then read a book. The beach is 3 hours away. I was originally going to go to FL (6 states south), but decided against it. Two months later, after I was finally stable, I realized I had forgotten to renew my registration and have my car inspected and done all of this while they had been expired ... for several months. - I went through this phase where I would just start changing in front of people. Nakedness is next to Godliness, what can I say. - I literally thought that I was Jesus. Not even kidding. Somehow I was able to know that it was likely not a good idea to tell anybody that ... - One of my favorite moments -- the time I woke my roommate up in the middle of the night because I was pissed off about racism and bigotry and how people need to stop teaching their children to hate and people need to start being kind to each other and stop acting like jackasses. It was literally the middle of the night. I went on for at least and hour, possibly more. - So many more things.
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