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About mghalt

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    who wants my IP address? LOL

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    hell on earth
  1. A couple of things. This thread reminds me of what my sister used to say about my mom "I like mom better drunk. She's nicer." Second, congrats on your weight loss!!!! I am waiting in line for my turn to have surgery as well and hope and pray to be as successful as you have been. That's a huge accomplishment. I know it's no easy fix! I wish I had a suggestion on what to do with your situation except to make sure no HIPAA rules were broken (this is my health information management degree speaking....lol)
  2. Thanks for posting that website with the comparisons on pills! I was on Mirena IUD and then had it taken out, thinking it might have been messing with my mood and now went on Seasonale but it's generic - Quasense. I've read so many people having problems with it and boy have I! I was fine the first 2 months but then had a period for about 4 weeks until I read online that you could stop it by taking 2 pills every 12 hours for 3 days to stop the bleeding. Now I have to do that every time I get breakthrough bleeding! My doctor told me to stay on this pack and see how it goes then we'll discuss changing if things aren't better. I wish I woulda left the Mirena in! The things for me are acne, weight gain, moods, and oh yeah, I hate periods. I'd go for Depo if I didn't think it would kill my weight and mood. Damn damn.
  3. ha ha I pick my toenail polish and fingernail polish off. I pick my toenail cuticles too. Weird, I know. My scalp is a total disaster zone right now and I want to dye my hair but can you say OWWWWWW? LOL Yeah, don't know if I'll be doing that for awhile. I used to pick as a child and I remember going to get perms in my hair before school started and my scalp just sizzled. oooooooo! I'm an eyebrow fanatic too. They bother me. The little stray hairs. Grey hairs on my head.... oh man, I pluck and pick those for days. LOL But seriously, I had no idea that this was really connected to BDD. Hmmmm. It makes tons of sense now that I put it in perspective with the way I feel about my body.
  4. I hope that you will not leave CB. There is still support for you here. As a BP mom I would miss you!!!

  5. My BP started as postpartum depression and in reading more about Andrea Yates, the Texas woman who drowned her children, she and I had similar symptoms. I read that when she was on Haldol her husband said she was 100% better. I've never tried Haldol. In fact, it's probably one of the few I have not tried. I'm wondering if it may help me. What is your experience with Haldol? Side effects?
  6. Thanks everyone. I thought I'd check in and say I've survived another night. I actually felt a little better last night, watched a movie after the kids went to bed. Still had a hard time waking up out of bed this morning but did it and managed to vacuum! Not much, but something. I opened the blinds. My cousin is coming over and I am going to go out to Target and get a few things. Maybe the fresh air will help me. I'd love to bring the kids cuz they need to get out too but it's just too overwhelming and ends up being frustrating. I'm still very anxious, had to take 1 mg of Xanax to fall asleep last night even with the 25 mg of Seroquel. Still feel really really dark and depressed. I wish it would all just go away and I knew what my problem is. The fact that the pdoc is at the end of the rope with me is really upsetting. To tell someone who is hopeless that it IS hopeless is really not a fun thing to hear.
  7. pdoc finally called back today to tell me that if the Seroquel isn't helping, go down to 25 mg and wean off. She said we are coming to the end of the line with medications and we may have to "look at other options to help with your mood." Oh hooray! What does THAT mean? In the meantime, take the Paxil and emergency Zyprexa stash until I see her next month. Well my insurance runs out at the end of THIS month so I feel screwed. *sigh* I decided not to attend the funeral. Too much too soon. In worse news, my ex-husband decided to spring on me today that he is getting remarried, less than a year after we divorced. I feel like God just keeps throwing shit at me.
  8. Well no one called me back and now the office is closed. Yayyyyyyy patient care! Grrr. I had Zyprexa on hand that I used to take in emergent situations (this is obviously one of them) so I took 2.5 mg of Zyprexa my 20 mg of Paxil and 0.5 of Xanax in hopes of feeling a little like I can function. I talked to a friend and feel like I may survive the day. Then I get a text message that my uncle died. He had suffered from cancer for a year or so but it was very sudden in a way. Things just feel like they are getting worse. The thing is, I don't dread going to a funeral. I dread seeing my father, who will BE at the funeral. He has never been in my life and just got out of a 5-year stint in prison. When it rains, it pours. I don't think I'll go to the funeral. I just don't think I can at this point.
  9. This is an older post but I had to add to it because my anxiety and panic has been worse since starting Seroquel. My Seroquel was started for sleep and anxiety and all it does is cause nightmares and make me have panic attacks! Not sure what's going on! I started taking a benzo with it at night to lessen the nightmares but still feel panicky. Blah!
  10. I hate this. I am putting my two daughters thru hell. I can't function. I don't take care of myself like I used to. I don't take care of my apartment like I used to. All I do is sleep and work, I barely eat. We never go out and do anything. I have no energy. All I want to do is sleep, sleep, sleep myself into oblivion. I wake up and the first thing I do is plot how I am going to get the kids to go back to sleep so I can go back to sleep. Nothing makes me happy. Nothing has EVER made me happy. Boyfriends and my ex-husband would say, "what can I do to make you happy? I'll do anything" and I'd always say, "Nothing." Because I don't think there is anything in the world that is going to make me happy, EVER. I just talked to the pdoc's office. "Are you eating?" "You do know if you are suicidal, you have to get to Emergency Psych Services, right?" well, duh. But then what. Whose gonna watch my kids or pay my bills? Nobody. The nurse wants to talk to my pdoc and call me back. Why do I feel like I want to die so badly since starting the Seroquel? Or is it just coincidental or what? I'm sleeping 18 hours a day and forcing my 3 and 1 year olds to watch themselves! i can't do this anymore. I don't want to live if this is living. My kids desrve better than this!!!
  11. I usually take Xanax for anxiety but since Klonopin is longer acting and I have some on hand, I thought I'd try and see if I feel better with that and report back to the pdoc. (Since I started Seroquel I've felt MORE anxious.) So for those of you that take Klonopin for anxiety, do you take it in the morning or at night and how many mg do you take? I was on 1 mg but am a bigger girl and felt nothing!
  12. I'm so sorry for everything going on in your and your kids lives right now. I am praying that you get some peace. you are living out my worst fear- that my ex-h gets custody and uses my illness against me. I don't think I could handle it. You are very, very strong and everything you are doing is right and all the feelings you are having are valid and feelings I would have in that same situation! My ex-MIL is a cop and is coming out to visit soon for the first time in a year to see her grandkids. I'm so terrified she is going to think I'm not doing a good enough job and will try to take custody from me. I'm almost paranoid about it all. Ugh.
  13. I'm happy it's working for you! I'm taking 50 mg at night now and I do sleep through the night for the most part and taking 0.5 mg of Xanax with it helps with the nightmares but it does nothing for my daytime anxiety. In fact, I feel like my anxiety and panic are WORSE. I feel on edge, jittery, restless and tired. I'm tired of the med rollercoaster. Pdoc said we'd give Geodon a whirl next. I guess we'll see. The tremor is still there too and so are my restless legs. Yuck yuck yuck.
  14. hmm I do wonder if I'm anemic, actually, because I'm really tired all the time and I've been anemic in the past. It's a question to bring up with the docs I guess! I did notice myself moving my legs around a lot last night. I feel more anxious or restless on Seroquel too. Strange.
  15. I am literally climbing the walls with anxiety. I shake my leg, I scratch my scalp, I have panic attacks, I'm an all around nervous wreck. I've been on Paxil 20 mg and Xanax but can't take the Xanax as often as I would like to because it makes me tired. I'm already sleeping tons. I'm a sleepy worrier! Who has anxiety but is sleepy ? So weird. Anyway, since I started Seroquel I think it's gotten worse instead of better. I feel more panicky, am waking in the middle of the night with panic attacks, and have a tremor. I've tried Ativan, Klonopin, and Xanax and none work for my anxiety. Xanax puts me to sleep for a couple hours at night, that's it, and only at high doses. I'm so frustrated with this anxiety. I'm not sure which part of my problems are worse - the anxiety or the depression! They both suck! Has anyone had really treatment resistant anxiety? What helped?
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