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About cloudmonger

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  1. What experiences do you relate to the most about my post? How did you solve the problem/situations? I haven't been on here much at all lately. I stopped going on FB shortly after this post. I realized I was living my life via Facebook in order to feel connected to ppl I know and it was making me feel much worse. I was yearning to have this "perfect" life that they all portray, which doesn't exist. I didn't cancel my account but deleted the app from my phone so i cannot check it easily whenever. It's just so damn fake! No one ever posts about weakness, challenges or when they are strugglin
  2. Maybe it's one of those borderline psychosis thoughts? The thing is, I have no idea if the woman actually had Cancer and it wasn't obvious that anyone else on the bus was suffering. Is this a bizarre projection of some sort? When I was younger, I had an episode of heightened self-conscious feelings & paranoia that everyone was taking pictures of me. I had no reasoning as to why they were taking my pictures. I felt like many people around were talking about me....I just felt like they knew I was anxious and had a mental issue...they could all obviously see that I was super anxious insi
  3. So this has only happened the last 2 days (not typical for me)... but I was feeling down in the dumps (as usual) on the bus due to an encounter earlier in the day that left me a bit teary-eyed. On the bus, there was an older (mid-50's) woman next to me with a fully shaved head. Prior to noticing her standing close next to me, I was having peculiar thoughts/assumptions that this woman next to me had Cancer and I could "sense" her suffering. I could feel her "pain body" as I looked into her eyes/face. As I initially got on the crowded bus, I thought I was feeling/sensing all people's pain
  4. When is your next pdoc appointment? Please keep up posted. I'm curious what he says. I am in a very similar situation (Lamictal has really been the best for me in terms of general mood maintenance, but is also causing the fluid retention/kidney issues and not quite enough antidepressant action). I'm sticking it out because ALL meds have side effects and most (for me) have had side effects that are totally intolerable (weight gain, metabolic issues, major sedation, or restless legs, insomnia.) I tried Lithium, but (for me) found it has more side effects than Lamictal in terms of sedation/weight
  5. No idea...she told me this during our first appointment. I gave her a laundry list of every med I've tried with the few "best ones" at the top of the list. I'm in europe and the rules are different here I guess. They consider stimulants really addictive/subject to misuse or something and most pdocs cannot rx it for off-label diagnosis (I'm guessing). Ritalin helped me a great deal. I told her that it had no side effects. I felt calm, focused, it eradicated the negative side effects of the SSRI I was on at that time. I felt much better, motivated, positive. I was able to become engaged in
  6. Glad to hear you're doing better! I'm on same dose of Lamictal (stabilizing like Gabapentin), ok at the moment, but still depressed with incredible anhedonia. Started another trial of Abilify as adjunct, but too scared to go up more than 2.5mg due to side effects everyone talks about. It could be helping a bit, I'm on a sub-therapeutic dose though. My current pdoc said she cannot rx stimulants but she can refer me to someone else that does. I will make an appt soon, because it really helped me in the past get over the anhedonia and residual dysthymia. I am just hoping that they don't have
  7. Nice to hear from you here OliverB, how are the meds & everything going? Do you feel relieved that your pdoc agrees with your diagnosis? What are the next steps with getting the help/recovery that you need?
  8. Thank you. I am feeling so depressed and alone. My husband is one of those totally incapable people. He is a robot when I feel depressed.
  9. That's amazing that you have a job. That's awesome you have an understanding boss as well! Do you set appointments, talk to patients & what not for the psychiatrist? General office/follow-up filing stuff? I've been unable to land a job at the moment. It makes all of my issues much, much worse because i am constantly in my head and have absolutely nothing to distract me....No reason to really get up in the morning, no structure to my day. Do you plan to get a MA or PhD in Psych Research? I find it very interesting too, but no idea how I'd ever be able to afford or even slog through 6 m
  10. I don't have the same symptoms you describe (Hallucinations, delusional suspicious or paranoid ideas) but I am struggling with the fact that I will have this mood disorder/MI/Depression for the rest of my life. It is extremely difficult to ignore it and it is just as difficult to fight it. Fight vs Flight.... It probably will ever go away and it not only destroys me everyday -I don't know if doctors really understand that it is distressing me this much....it has severely disrupted my life and ability to function....it continues no matter what I try. Do you feel like the symptoms you descr
  11. Ok, not sure where to post this, yet this is all tied to my mood disorder. As mentioned in my other post, I stopped going on Facebook 2 weeks ago (it was making me severely depressed. I was passively scrolling it for HOURS everyday, yet I was never posting anything). My husband told me that I have simply exchanged one addiction (FB) for another, with going on this CB Forum. I told him that I post here because it is the only support I have from people that understand what I go through. This is only place (other than Therapy) where I can express myself/be accepted as who I am. People here
  12. I'm sorry you are dealing with this! This combo is rare - but if it really helps your symptoms, it shouldn't be so impossible to get! I can understand you must feel stuck with going to the same pdoc because no one wants to prescribe stimulants. I am dealing with this same issue because my current pdoc says she does not prescribe them (even though I had a previous pdoc prescribe them to me). I will continue to see her, however, she must refer me to someone else if I want to get a stimulant (and it probably isn't guaranteed that they will approve). They didn't give ADHD tests when I was a k
  13. Thanks for the great suggestion. I've read a few articles that it is a new treatment starting to be used in trials. I don't know if I'd have access to it in Europe? Probably not because they are conservative around here and not as into innovative stuff. Probably expensive and difficult to access even in the US? I've heard Ketamine is a dissociative agent... like something they once used as an animal tranquilizer? Could it possibly cause dissociation or psychosis in vulnerable individuals? I'll have to read more. I've also heard that MDMA is being experimented with now in "underground psyc
  14. Are you currently on ADD meds? I have experienced push-back from pdocs not wanting to prescribe stimulants. I've had a couple past pdocs say I "could be BP2" because I've reacted badly to antidepressants, I've done well on Lamictal. I will keep trying because I felt like ritalin really helped me in many ways - particularly as an adjunct med. I agree with what you have said, most pdocs I've seen think ADD is a kids problem & if you weren't officially diagnosed as ADD as a child, then it's unlikely you have it. It's been a huge problem for me & I'm currently looking for a new pdoc that w
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