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  1. I'm going to go with "it depends on the duration and severity of the episode." At this point I'm not sure I will ever stop feeling fragile. If I ever feel better to some extent, I don't expect it to last for more than a few months, and it is not without reason that I feel that way. At times in the past, I haven't felt fragile at all after a depressive episode.
  2. I used to have experiences like this - kind of dissociative stuff. It would happen when I was looking at someone else, though. It was very scary, but I'm sure it's scarier when it's your own face. I wish I had something a little more helpful to say, but yeah I've been there.
  3. It made me feel really, really weird when I first started it - very spacey, anxious, disconnected, fearful, other weirdnesses. That went away and hasn't come back, and it has been 9 years or so.
  4. That's ridiculously low - I can imagine how stressful that is. I'm in a similar situation, and live in an apartment in the basement of my mother's house, which I'm very lucky to be able to have.
  5. There are definitely times I've been very depressed but haven't felt sad. Some of those have been worse than depressions I've had when I did feel sad. It's a concern, no question.
  6. I can totally relate to this - I often deal with horrible, constant intrusive thoughts that I can only distract myself from with reading. One thing that might be relevant - I've often found that alcohol can cause this kind of state/these kinds of thoughts.
  7. One weird and distressing thing that can happen to me is that if I start planning something (not in a hypomanic way) that's fun in some way - my dream work project, or a vacation - it turns into mild hypomania, and then it will usually turn into depression within a month or two, and the depression can last for a very long time. Another weird trigger for either a switch to a normal mood from depression, or to hypomania, is having some crisis or emergency or stressful event happen.
  8. For my part - I stopped Vraylar a few weeks ago for a lot of reasons - generally lack of efficacy over time and side effects. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure it's the AAP I've had the fewest side effects with.
  9. I've almost always kept up with the news, but I also am very aware that it affects my mental health. Anxiety and depression. As of a few days ago I've mostly cut myself off, and I feel a bit guilty about it, but there it is.
  10. What I settled on doing a while back is to, instead of trying to subjectively peg my mood for the day, is to take the same assessment test every day, and go by those numbers. That way it just is what it is, and it's more objective.
  11. I've definitely had anxiety, agitation, and irritability along with depression - both as part of the depression and as part of a mixed state. There's certainly such a thing as functionally depressed, but it doesn't mean that your depression isn't as bad or worse as people who are more obviously suffering/impaired.
  12. Curious if anyone else has had an experience like this - without fail, every AAP I've tried has either not worked at all, or has worked pretty well at first but eventually made things worse. About a week ago I stopped taking Vraylar after a period of about 11 months, and all of my depressive symptoms have lifted considerably, and not in a switch-to-hypomania way. I had a similar but worse experience with Latuda about 6 years ago.
  13. I'm really glad to hear that things are working out right now. I have to say that that is a truly weird HR situation. Probably there's someone other than them driving, but it's probably not who you directly report to. I've had some surprising HR experiences where they really came through for me in big ways. Generally I thought they all had very poor social skills (apologies to anyone who works in HR). They're usually under a lot of pressure from every side that there is. I still wonder whether they can really take this harsh line with you, given that you had a serious episode of depression on top of having to have a knee replacement. I suppose it matters a lot whether you live in an at-will employment state... can't recall if you do. Anyway, I hope things continue to go well at work. I hope that talking about your illness and experience with ECT has taken some stress off you, too.
  14. I don't think I experienced weight gain. That was on a dose of 300mg, though. I know it can happen for some people.
  15. Personally I've not found a way to sneak around the issue of stimulants causing mixed episodes. I do think you can be on them without having problems, but once you have problems, in my experience the only thing to do is stop.
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