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Everything posted by 0112358

  1. I'm going to go with "it depends on the duration and severity of the episode." At this point I'm not sure I will ever stop feeling fragile. If I ever feel better to some extent, I don't expect it to last for more than a few months, and it is not without reason that I feel that way. At times in the past, I haven't felt fragile at all after a depressive episode.
  2. I used to have experiences like this - kind of dissociative stuff. It would happen when I was looking at someone else, though. It was very scary, but I'm sure it's scarier when it's your own face. I wish I had something a little more helpful to say, but yeah I've been there.
  3. It made me feel really, really weird when I first started it - very spacey, anxious, disconnected, fearful, other weirdnesses. That went away and hasn't come back, and it has been 9 years or so.
  4. That's ridiculously low - I can imagine how stressful that is. I'm in a similar situation, and live in an apartment in the basement of my mother's house, which I'm very lucky to be able to have.
  5. There are definitely times I've been very depressed but haven't felt sad. Some of those have been worse than depressions I've had when I did feel sad. It's a concern, no question.
  6. I can totally relate to this - I often deal with horrible, constant intrusive thoughts that I can only distract myself from with reading. One thing that might be relevant - I've often found that alcohol can cause this kind of state/these kinds of thoughts.
  7. One weird and distressing thing that can happen to me is that if I start planning something (not in a hypomanic way) that's fun in some way - my dream work project, or a vacation - it turns into mild hypomania, and then it will usually turn into depression within a month or two, and the depression can last for a very long time. Another weird trigger for either a switch to a normal mood from depression, or to hypomania, is having some crisis or emergency or stressful event happen.
  8. For my part - I stopped Vraylar a few weeks ago for a lot of reasons - generally lack of efficacy over time and side effects. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure it's the AAP I've had the fewest side effects with.
  9. I've almost always kept up with the news, but I also am very aware that it affects my mental health. Anxiety and depression. As of a few days ago I've mostly cut myself off, and I feel a bit guilty about it, but there it is.
  10. What I settled on doing a while back is to, instead of trying to subjectively peg my mood for the day, is to take the same assessment test every day, and go by those numbers. That way it just is what it is, and it's more objective.
  11. I've definitely had anxiety, agitation, and irritability along with depression - both as part of the depression and as part of a mixed state. There's certainly such a thing as functionally depressed, but it doesn't mean that your depression isn't as bad or worse as people who are more obviously suffering/impaired.
  12. Curious if anyone else has had an experience like this - without fail, every AAP I've tried has either not worked at all, or has worked pretty well at first but eventually made things worse. About a week ago I stopped taking Vraylar after a period of about 11 months, and all of my depressive symptoms have lifted considerably, and not in a switch-to-hypomania way. I had a similar but worse experience with Latuda about 6 years ago.
  13. I'm really glad to hear that things are working out right now. I have to say that that is a truly weird HR situation. Probably there's someone other than them driving, but it's probably not who you directly report to. I've had some surprising HR experiences where they really came through for me in big ways. Generally I thought they all had very poor social skills (apologies to anyone who works in HR). They're usually under a lot of pressure from every side that there is. I still wonder whether they can really take this harsh line with you, given that you had a serious episode of depression on top of having to have a knee replacement. I suppose it matters a lot whether you live in an at-will employment state... can't recall if you do. Anyway, I hope things continue to go well at work. I hope that talking about your illness and experience with ECT has taken some stress off you, too.
  14. I don't think I experienced weight gain. That was on a dose of 300mg, though. I know it can happen for some people.
  15. Personally I've not found a way to sneak around the issue of stimulants causing mixed episodes. I do think you can be on them without having problems, but once you have problems, in my experience the only thing to do is stop.
  16. From what I've read about genetic testing for this stuff, it seems like it's both really specific for particular drugs (not necessarily classes), and generally means that you're more likely to have a poor or no response to those drugs, not that you'd need a higher dose. FWIW.
  17. It didn't do anything for me aside from making me feel kind of dissociated.
  18. Nice Cabin in the Woods reference. Silly boars...
  19. I bet there are some folks out there with sex-with-a-surgical-mask-on fetishes who are just going "YESSSS" right now. I think Cerberus is right about quarantining your partner in the closet for 14 days, except it would be even more effective than masks. I mean, with an occasional partner, you're both potentially being exposed to the virus whenever you go somewhere where there are other people, so it's different from STIs where you could hypothetically be exclusive and essentially eliminate risk. I don't think sex is much more risky (in terms of Covid-19) than say going jogging with someone or eating a meal across the table from them. For my part though, I'm steering clear of dating and/or sex until things have settled down. Who knows how long that will be... I guess I've resigned myself to it.
  20. I would ask the practice what precautions they're taking in terms of how many people they're letting in at a time, and their policies on mask usage for staff/doctors and patients. If they're not requiring everyone to wear a mask, well... that would make me pretty nervous. Even with doctors there's a wide range in how seriously they're taking Covid-19. Your health is important, but some things can wait. If you had an acute problem you were dealing with it'd be a different story, but this is preventative care. That said it's sure a lot safer than going to an indoor restaurant or a movie theater, and probably very low risk. Personally, I would delay the physical, but I'd consider going for the tetanus shot.
  21. I hate statements like that - in my opinion that's the kind of thing a pdoc says to someone when they can't deal with how intelligent or inquisitive their patient is. I've even dealt with pdocs etc. who think that tracking my mood is a sign of obsessiveness just because I know how to make a simple graph. Not to say you should definitely find someone new to work with; those people were alright other than that.
  22. I know Medicare covers genetic testing for depression, and I've looked into it and talked to my pdoc about it. As far as its worth goes, at the practice I go to everyone regards it as basically a scam. The test will tell you what you metabolize well, but just because you metabolize something well, it doesn't mean it's going to be an effective medication. Combine that with what it can cost a person - that's why they regard it as basically a scam. If you've tried a lot of different medications, I'm not sure you'd learn anything helpful by doing the testing.
  23. I agree it sounds potentially like a meds problem, since it's cyclical and tied to symptoms of depression. Definitely worth bringing up with a doctor. In a romantic relationship, I think the most important thing to do is talk about what you're experiencing (not to make excuses for any bad behavior but to explain it). I really lay it out, like "when I'm in a bad depression, even the sound of a text message makes me feel like a bear is chasing me, and it makes me really irritable. I'm sorry you've been on the other end of that." Then when you notice it's happening you can tell your partner, and somehow put up a buffer between them and you, temporarily. At least once you realize it's happening... Probably you've done something like that already... Anyways doing this has helped me a lot in all types of close relationships. Other than that I think DBT can help a lot with regulating the way you interact with others, and having more awareness of your symptoms and when you're depressed, so you can react faster to the depression spiking. Another thing maybe worth looking into would be having your partner go to a tdoc or pdoc appointment with you, if they have questions or feel unclear about your diagnoses and what they mean.
  24. Sorry you're going through this right now. Also, sorry about you car. That's a tough call. My instinct would be to guess that the depression is causing inattentive symptoms on top of the ADHD. From what you say about your pdoc not wanting to prescribe stimulants, it sounds like she's not willing to really work with you. Probably if it were me I'd want to get a fresh set of eyes on it at least, and maybe search for a new pdoc. I'd screen a few for sure if you can, asking about their attitudes, experience with, and strategies prescribing for ADHD. As far as what meds to augment with, I can't speak to that.
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