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About kst7488

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    sushi, zombies, music that sounds like robots and the search for sanity.
  1. benzos are the devil. they help, but they are so addictive good luck if you ever want to get off of them ive been working on that for 2 years now.
  2. hey all my dog prescribed the beta blocker propanalol on top of my klonopin to help me wean off. any good success stories? is it ok to mix klonopin and beta blockers? what would happen if you drank an energy drink on a beta blocker (purely for amusements sake, im curious.) hope everyone is well i havent fel the need to be here in some time as i feel these boards are quite triggering for me unless i have a specific question.
  3. im afraid to have kids for this reason, animals i could never get mad at, i have had my dog for 7 years and shes my baby. without her i may very well not be here at all. i almost got into a fight at the bar last night but i was smart enough to leave before i broke someones face on a wall.
  4. yes but if we can do what "god" can do, then certainly somethings interestingly afoot? then again we will prolly just be swollowed up in a black hole for trying and be smited by god.
  5. i want to know if this does work and proves the big bang theory, what will christians say?
  6. i havent tapered my klonopin since july.... i dont think thats it. thanks for the reposting.
  7. i would like to find a therapist i havent the slightst idea how to find a good one or a decent priced one. i have no insurance. im not going to the cheap funded center ever again. those people are clueless.
  8. ive had rage issues my whole life, but in the past several months its gotten worse. when i go out everyone i see i just want to hit, they annoy the piss out of me and i have to hold back the urge to beat the crap out of me. if someone tries to strike up conversation with me i roll my eyes and ignore them at best or tell them off while holding back the urge to kill them. dont even get me started on guys that hit on me. i want to smash them in the face. is this an offshoot of GAD that i somehow wasnt aware of, or is this something else entirely? im amazed i dont have an arrest record. the couple fights i have been into i was lucky enough people didnt press charges,a dn one person i put in the hospital. im afraid one day i will start hitting and wont be able to stop. just another reason i have not had any kids. is there a name for this? what meds are generally prescribed? i need a jumping point so i can start my research. thank you.
  9. they do to an extent for me, but not totally. ive been on them 4 years now, and they help at first for sure.
  10. what do you do when you go in? just say im gonna kill myself? thats so embaressing....
  11. i dont know theres just this huge shame thing to me admitting myself litterally and metaphorically that i cant do this on my own. i always have to be in control, and i cant be anymore....i feel i have failed everyone not just ,myself.
  12. well heres the thing, every antidepressant that i have tried has made me really sick to the point of not being able to handle it. i tried the low cost mental health clinic it took me 3 months to get in and the day of my appt the doctor cancelled becuase he was sick....i never went back....or at all i suppose. hah. i cant cut myself anywhere but my feet becuase im an exotic dancer and i cant have cuts all over me, the only thing really holding me back much. i just feel that nothing will help me, and i cant afford the help i actually need or hell that will actually be there, unlike low income mental health help.
  13. ive been suicidal since the beginning of july. i started cutting myself again after years of not doing it, and now its all i think about. all i do is cry, mope and cant manage to have any decent interpersonal relationships unless im drunk. i cant bear to be alone. when should you commit yourself at a hospital? have you ever done so? in the long run did it do you any good? i feel i dont have many choices left. im so miserable and im running out of effort to not hang myself.
  14. im so depressed. its pms im sure. i cant wai tto get on the pill again the end of the month so i only have to have it 2 times a year. i cannot handle it. i seriously think i have pmdd. i have a lump in my thraot and a knot in my stomach. ive felt like a panic attack is going to come on for 48 hours, but it hasnt. i wish it would so i could feel better. im just afraid its going to happen at work. not that it matters, at least people there pretend to care about me and would make me feel better. i feel so alone. i feel like i love and care for people so intensly, that no one else can give back what i give out. i feel like the kid last picked for dodgeball in gym class. can i please be someone priority? anyones? ill pay good money? lol. ugh. my sister is going to be moving out of state and im going to miss her, i moved back to see my family and shes gonna be moving now. at least ill have a place to visit? i dont know. i feel like i dont have any friends anymore except kevin. hes the only reliable friend i have. well tracy and fenton are new friends and they are rad, but other then that, my phone is quiet. i get to where i wan tto go out, but have no one to go out with, and i hate going out alone. i dont like random idiots talking to me, just good company that i request to have. so as a result im not going anywhere not doing anything, and it just fuels the depression. im sick of feeling empty, i just want to be feel whole. i dont even know where to begin. ive never watched anything that triggered me before, but i watched that intervention show about the girl that huffs duster, and it really hit home to me. my childhood was so much like hers and watching her cry and cut herself dug deep into me last night. er no pun intended. ive wanted to cut myself so bad since then, i know itll make me feel somewhat better. but i know i shouldnt. not only that but i cant, i model and i am a exotic dancer, i cant have cuts all over me.... im sorry i just needed to vent.
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