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  1. SAME HERE!!!! Exhausted & tired all day...then when i go to bed, I lie awake and start ruminating on the "Why can't I just die in my sleep" thoughts, "nobody would notice or care, life is meaningless and just gets more difficult, I'm a burden, I've had enough....." I tell myself the thoughts are just thoughts - like logs floating down a stream, try to let them go....but they are often so pervasive all I can do is cry and hope I fall asleep. I've told pdoc & therapist about them and because I'm not an impulsive type, they don't seem to be concerned. They are unable to offer up advice or suggestions other than "mindfulness" ignoring or detaching from the thoughts. But they are very intrusive, until I manage to dissociate or distract myself for a few hours.....then they just return...
  2. I'm not BP, but I can vouch for (at least in my experience) Depressive episodes are muuuuuch longer as I age. (neverending to be honest). The difference is there is less severe lability / dysphoria (probably due to both maturity & meds), but the lack of interest in absolutely everything, no motivation, wasting time, anhedonia will not go away. Stimulants helped with this initially and now i seem to have become tolerant to the uplifting effect. And yep, even though I am much more stable compared to my 20's, i still score "severe depression" on Hamilton scales. Good luck with your med changes.
  3. @Iceberg Yeah, usually distraction is my go to. I try to get busy & get myself into "productive mode" but sometimes that doesn't work. and of course, when a person is idle, the thoughts get increasingly intrusive. @juniper Yes, (by SI, meaning suicidal ideations, not just self-harm) Does "really intrusive" mean like every week? Everyday? It's just tough when they increase... I mean, not to the point where you have a plan...but increasing in time spent feeling hopeless about the future, ruminating, reading about suicide online, survival rates, methods, and obsessing, but not acting on them? There really doesn't seem to be a "cure" for this, apart from waiting for it to pass, waiting for the next round to come up Or pdoc increases dose of SSRIs which just make me numb and less able to cognitively function. APs help for acute psychosis or impulsiveness, but what if you're not in that state? To me, the side effects of A/Ps are intolerable.
  4. Despite being stable & somewhat functioning? This includes both active (and passive), random fleeting thoughts, etc. What is your coping mechanism? Do you always mention to your pdoc (no matter how benign or seemingly harmless?) At what point/ level/ frequency is a cause of concern, or when would you take a PRN or completely change your meds? Can you be in "remission" and still often get them?
  5. @browri I'll chime in regarding Risperdal (although it's been decades since I took) I was misdiagnosed as BP after acute psychotic episode, initially put on Seroquel, then a stint with Zyprexa...but due to being over sedated, crazy appetite and like you, EPS / akathisia, my pdoc put me on Risperdal. Monotherapy. He said it can have antidepressant effect (which I didn't notice) Note, I was brand new to psych drugs (since then, never keen on longterm A/Ps). I disliked the side effects, felt groggy / really out of it. Low dose was helpful for sleep, but I didn't feel comfortable staying on it. I would use again as prn if I had acute symptoms. As far as a mood stabilizer, I plan to stay on Lamictal due to the low side effect profile. Did you stop the Rexulti because it wasn't helping with hypomania (any benefit from Abilify?) And what made you switch to Pristiq? It seems like both Vyvanse & Pristiq could potentially increase agitation/irritability? I've always wondered why someone that needs heavy mood stabilization (or takes multiple A/Ps) would take any dopamine-releasing or agonist type agent? Seems a bit counter. Is Depakote not enough coverage for hypomania? Sorry if not helpful, just sharing my experience.
  6. Thanks @Iceberg How are you doing these days? I was wondering if anyone here had personal experience trying it. From my research, I've seen it isn't often used, but it's worth trying. and supposedly it works quickly (if it does work) That's interesting you had no response at that dose. You're right though, maybe it depends on the other meds (or stimulants) you are taking (or if you have gut/absorption issues) & whether there's the possibility of an existing subclinical thyroid issue...
  7. Has anyone (without a clinical thyroid disorder) tried Cytomel and had benefit with depression & fatigue? It seems most docs are resistant to trying it due to the possible heart/ bone density side effects. Even when it comes to thyroid disorders, There are some circles that disagree with the TSH lab ranges (what is "acceptable") and that TSH may not be good indicator of thyroid function for everyone anyway... I know T3 is rarely prescribed (even for ppl with thyroid issues). But I also read that in a few studies, folks with treatment-resistant depression (with no thyroid issues) can also benefit from using T3 as an add-on or "booster".
  8. Yep, Prozac stops me crashing into dysphoria, but it seems the higher you go on A/Ds, the more flat, numb and tired I become. I just feel like it's too much.... it's not "mood brightening" for me like Ritalin was... I think I've tried both, as the XR came out after the IR was on the market. This is really encouraging to hear. Yikes, how were you getting 30 boxes of ritalin each month (I assume not legally). The issue with stimulants I've found, you need to keep increasing the longer you are on them. Taking even a month-long break has not made much difference. i can barely feel it kicking in and don't feel energized any more. Maybe it fries the pathways over time? I think I only took up to 300mg Wellbutrin (because docs never would increase over the max due to possible heart effects and increased chance of seizures). What effect did you notice when you first started it? Did you feel effect right away? Are you currently taking any other meds along with it?
  9. @CrazyRedhead I was on Trintillex for a good 3 months I think. I didn't notice any difference from effects of SSRIs (Prozac). In fact, I think people referred to it as the "new Prozac" because it is so similar in function. I usually do trials of 2-3 months (unless intolerable side effects). It was very expensive I recall, dunno if there's a generic? Wellbutrin I've done 3 different trials. I had such high hopes for that one! The only effect I noticed was Tinnitus, increased heartrate, restless legs. Didn't seems to effect my mood or motivation. But I've never tried in combo with ritalin (docs seem concerned about heart issues with these) Ugh. I'm so tempted to just titrate off everything & do a wash-out. I've never been on more than like 3-4 meds at one time, but I hate when you don't feel like things are cutting it or working well enough... I just want to feel good...
  10. After my first dose (Pfizer), I was mainly tired (expected) but I also had an extreme drop in mood within a week. I can't 100% attribute it to the vaccine, because it was that hormonal time of month and I normally get more moody & depressed. But it was a very bad week mood-wise. I'm a bit worried about the 2nd dose, as I've heard that you are more likely to notice side effects. A week after the 2nd, my mom had an outbreak of eczema on her arms (she's never had before), swollen glands & cold sore outbreak (possible dormant herpes virus reactivation for her) I wonder how common it is for vaccines to reactivate dormant viruses (like Lyme disease, Epstein-Barr, mono, herpes, etc?)
  11. I'd love something that will boost the effects of the Ritalin. And stop this Anhedonia..... ! While my "major" depression and anxiety is (for the most part) covered, I have persistent, longterm apathy, no motivation, no engagement in anything. Nothing is pleasurable. Lethargy. I am ALWAYS mentally and physically tired - (despite having no other physical reasons to be). I forgot, I was actually considering Viibryd (if they even have it here) I will ask my pdoc. Typical SSRIs all make me more flat/ tired. (See above for my residual symptoms, mostly anhedonia, lethargy)... I stopped Effexor because of the short half-life (sometimes I accidentally miss doses, get brain zaps). Plus my eye doctor said it was causing my extreme dry eye and stressed that it can lead to issues with my eyesight (which was perfect until 3 years ago) It's a real shame because I've heard here that high-dose Effexor actually works more on Dopamine (versus low dose, being more like an SSRI) I had only gone up to 150mg because of the increased dry eye issue at higher doses 😞 At the same time, she says Ritalin exacerbates dry eye also. I think I've been experiencing some paradoxical effects from it (like I take it afternoon and immediately feel zoned out and super drained, can just stare at a wall for hours...almost worse than when I don't take the afternoon dose)
  12. This is more of a poll to see everyone's favorite med that augments Ritalin? Unfortunately, I don't have access to Adderall, Dex, or any other stimulants (not available/authorized here). So..... I'm debating on switching out my A/D... I'm leaning towards going back to Effexor. My pdoc also suggested Abilify to augment, but seems that would be counterproductive, I'm not thrilled about the side effects.
  13. @Banana Smurf Were you ever able to resolve this problem? I took quite a long break & then re-instated and it doesn't effect me nearly the same way it used to... I'm having major issues in the afternoon. (IR seems to have stronger/more noticeable effect, but I get an irritable crash after 2hours when it that wears off.) Everyday, at around 2pm I get extremely lethargic & eyes feel heavy (not sleepy, but all I can do is lay in bed) and I start zoning out. Not thinking about anything, just spacing out for hours. (this seems to happen whether i take my afternoon dose or not). I've tried tweaking my doses a bit in afternoon, but hasn't helped. Morning, I took my usual 30mg extended....then at 1pm, I took 20mg extended + 10mg IR. By 2pm I felt drained. Unfortunately, they do not prescribe any other stimulants here. (just getting ritalin is nearly impossible unless you are a 6-10 year old with severe ADHD & behavioral issues.) And they max out at around body weight (I'm 50kg, so they won't give me more than 60mg max). i can ask about Concerta, but not sure what dose would be best. I've also considered changing out my A/D again..maybe back to Effexor? I like that Prozac has a long half-life and I'm still stable if I run out or miss a couple days, (Effexor isn't as kind in that way!)
  14. I don't even know anymore. I find myself on autopilot most days. I suppose a better question is "why haven't you offed yourself yet?" (for which I have a few reasons).... but I suppose having reasons NOT to kill yourself is not the same as having things that keep you going & reasons to live.
  15. Yes, and it is *highly* contraindicated if you are taking psychiatric medications (antipsychotics, antidepressants, benzos, etc) @dancesintherain Not sure exactly where you are (assuming US) but the laws around cannabis are changing constantly. It seems CBD products (Low THC) are legal in most states? (banning Idaho, Nebraska, Kansas).. Complicated because every state has different regulations..(many only allow for specific conditions like epilepsy) https://www.ncsl.org/research/health/state-medical-marijuana-laws.aspx
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