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About Blahblah

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    It's either the Blues or Blahs

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  • Interests
    Coffee (make it strong)
    Cats & dogs
    The Sea
    Writing (well, private ramblings in my journal)
    Any escape from my own mind
    Kind souls

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  1. Need sleep. The 4 hours last night didn't cut it (especially compared to my usual 10 hours). Mood pretty good, considering...Craving sweets.
  2. @0112358 Is there a max number of times you can do ECT...it seems it loses benefit each time. What was the duration that you had the 50 treatments (like within 1 year, 5 years?) I looked into it at one point, and was turned off when told that it requires regular sessions every few weeks, for years, effects can be short term. I wondered if possible to maintain a job around the treatments, since it's not like you pop in for an hour over lunch and head back to work after. That's good to hear that you have not had any cognitive effects or memory loss (although severe depression causes plenty of that too...)if someone were depressed (but not suicidal) would you still recommend it? I've wondered if it's worth the risk if you aren't suicidal or dealing with SH. Seems most everyone must stay on meds afterwards too.
  3. Holy crap! Nearly 20,000 words - for 1 chapter? I'm curious (but also afraid) to ask how many words total (and chapters) will there be? Also, makes me wonder why anyone would do that to themselves (I mean, go for a PhD, dissertation, the whole marathon...) and to think, don't most people doing it full time, finish in like 4 years?? How? I love research & writing, but the thought of putting myself through that ringer sounds insane. Good luck, major respect here. I'm dehydrated, and tired...However, the best part of today was eating 2 cookies (choc chip). I never buy sweets, and they were good.
  4. @Unstrung Harp Hope you feel better soon. Related question: how many words are in 1 Chapter and how long would it take to outline & then finish writing it? (once you have all the research)... I'm exhausted. Progress today, slowly, but physically I'm tiring so damn easily.
  5. @notloki I'm assuming the oxygen issue is Sleep apnea? I'm curious what other signs would you have if you had sleep apnea? (Apart from snoring and feeling unrested) Initially I thought obesity caused it, but then read that anyone can have it no matter what your weight. I oversleep. Even when I do set an alarm, I often will need to snooze and remain in bed 2 hours. I do track my sleep (not sure if accurate) but it says I get 2 hours deep sleep per night and then 6 (or more) hours of light sleep. I have no problem falling asleep (if it's not too early). But regardless if I get 8 hours + sleep per night, I struggle to get up, and I'm fairly low energy most of day. I often even take naps in afternoon.
  6. Do you think tweaking your doses of either Fetzima or Vyvanse would help? If you're not super anxious or depressed and just need a brightening/ cognitive boost, seems like more of a stimulant effect would be of help. Other similar SNRI's like Effexor or Cymbalta (helps with pain) maybe? Only TCA I took was Nortyptyline (which is supposedly less likely to cause fatigue/weight gain, help with pain -I think, can't remember the effect) What about an MAOI? Emsam maybe (never tried that one) @mikl_pls or @browri might have some better ideas.
  7. Maybe this could be the case. What is a typical dosing schedule? I probably need to be more consistent, but I take morning dose maybe 30 minutes before getting up (say, 9am) and then it's always after lunch (1pm-ish) that I have the energy flop by 2pm. So, should I be taking 2nd dose with (or before) lunch instead of after? Does caffeine cause faster excretion due to diuretic effect? I've also noticed (sometimes) that the less I eat (and drink) the effect lasts longer. So it seems, any food & drink can cause a faster breakdown? I've had more work to do lately, so I've needed it to last longer in the evening... This is good to know..I never thought this. For ages, I've been only taking 20mg in the morning, (and usually nothing in afternoon, maybe 10mg IR, which was useless after 1-2 hours). This was sub-optimal, but I made due with this, plus a couple coffees after lunch to last until 6pm at least....So to go from nothings in afternoon, to 10mg (and feel even sleepier that before) seems weird, no? @notloki How did you like Vyvanse? Were you on it for very long and how did it "feel" different from say, Ritalin?
  8. Working up until 3am last few nights has taken it's toll. Going to bed at 7pm tonight! Mood is 'aright..
  9. @water wow, I identify with this soooooo much... I have 1 person that really "gets it" (one of my parents) No one else...not even past bf's or spouse. The times I've reached out for help, or just a kind ear, I get the same sh*t, people just trivialize it...makes me feel more ashamed. On one hand, I understand if they've never experienced it, they can't really identify, but to have so little empathy or concern to even listen, TRY to comprehend that we're talking about a DISEASE...well, I don't know what to say. So I don't say anything anymore. If I hit a drowning point or ever feel suicidal, I'll just save it for my pdoc and therapist. People won't "get it" if they don't want to I guess.
  10. @PersonalEnigma thank you for the reply! I interpret true BPD differently, I find it a serious, destructive label to put on people that in some cases, only serves to medicalise them further, if they don't meet all the diagnostic criteria. I think that a behavior (that does not hurt yourself or others and isn't excessive), is not something to necessarily eradicate or deem horribly "abnormal". We are human after all. Like, it's justifiably OK, if you are really stressed and want to treat yourself to a chocolate bar/skip the gym/nap/buy a new dress, as long as this is not excessive or habitual. As long as it's not interfering negatively with most areas of your life, family, work or pocketbook! No one is perfect, and while perfect moderation is ideal, perfection is not attainable. It's all about awareness, observance, moderating your behavior if it becomes out of control or destructive. The way I see it, if I took the above (milder-symptoms) to everyone I know (without it saying "BPD" or "personality disorder") they would admit they have them. A LOT of them. I don't know anyone that doesn't waste time (at least once a week), avoid things, scrolling social media more often than desired, wanting to escape when they are stressed, some mood storms. This could also be better labeled under depression or anxiety, but BPD? Schizoid? BP? I don't know. If the person is a teenager, might just be a teenage phase... I hear you on the hypomania bit!! Being depressed for 20 years..I would LOVE to have 1/10 of the motivation, interest and passion that I see most others have. And be able to DO things daily. So the few rare moments I am feeling particularly engaged, excited or interested, I just call it "normal non-depressed behavior" I do agree, diagnosis are a gray area sometimes, depends on doc, but in the case of more mild symptoms that don't interfere with daily functioning, I don't want to label it as crazy/abnormal. Happy to say my mood has been less of this mixed crap and quite stable, just hope it lasts!
  11. I'm struggling to adjust my Ritalin dosage. It really helps with cognition/focus (and even mood balance), pdoc recently increased my dose. I take 30mg (LA) morning, and now 10mg (LA) in late afternoon. I'm OK on morning dose until about 2pm after I eat lunch...then energy really tapers off, I start to get more distracted, then I take afternoon dose by 4pm. The afternoon dose makes me immediately sleepy. This effect seems really paradoxical! Is there something I can do to reduce this? Caffeine?? IR form only lasts like 2 hours & I crash, so I want to avoid that. Where I live, its tough to get anything other than Ritalin... I read that some stimulants (such as Ritalin & Adderall) are better for reducing Hyperactivity - which may be why I feel so sleepy/dazed when taking it in afternoons? I've never been hyperactive.... Would Vyvanse be better in this regard (helping with both focus + causing less sleepiness)?
  12. Sleep in, errr...gosh, these days...sleeping & napping are apparently the main things I enjoy. Reading I suppose? Or a good workout class? Maybe going out to dinner somewhere...OH.. and making up elaborate To-Do lists/tasks I never end up starting... @Rabbit37I have to pay for the washing/drying so I dump in 1 load alltogether How many nights per week do you "cook" (not just heating up pre-packaged thing or 1 item) & what are typical dinners you have?
  13. Felt fine until this afternoon. I haven't worked THAT much, just a bit of writing, sketching out ideas. I'M SO DRAINED. WTF. I don't want to keep popping stimulants with coffee. Maybe I need a long break from ritalin 😞 But I fear I won't even get out of bed, shower, or do anything halfway productive without it.
  14. *Wanted to add: when I start struggling, drained, dragging in early afternoon, everythings very slow to complete...I lose track of all time and end up being late for everything and forgetful. etc. I've always had a problem with running behind, but it seems to be getting worse? Time awareness & ability to act quickly
  15. Thanks @mikl_pls !! I have the feeling it's a combination of 2 things below (hoping I can mitigate): 1.) Is tolerance when med is less effective than when started? Used to be very noticeable when kicking in, increased motor activation (moving foot up/down), complex task motivation & endurance (important tasks I always avoid) and appetite suppression (now I get big hunger pangs within 2-4 hrs taking). I loved the lifting of depression/mood (main reason for taking it) Despite increasing dose + afternoon dose, I often feel this really slow, drained, zombie-effect (obsessive laser-focus, but with super arbitrary stuff (getting stuck on reading random articles for 6 hours straight, glazed over, spending an hour re-reading/editing/re-writing an email to friend over & over (like 5 TIMES?!!) It's like OCD! Feels yucky...! Then afternoon (after 2pm dose) I feel so tired I nap... 2.) Maybe it is wearing off too soon? I COULD be a rapid metaboliser (unsure), so maybe it's leaving system too quickly? I drink 3 coffees per day, plenty of water...sometimes take vitamin C supplement & wondering if all this causes excess excretion? Dosage forms are complicated. I've found the extended (SR, LA) def do not last the timeframe listed...Hmm just trying to see what will give me the best stable coverage throughout the day (not effecting my sleep) and won't make me irritable, or feel that yucky "tired & tweaky" effect, with bloodshot eyes, totally zoned out..staring... (you know what I mean!!!!) Maybe I'll try a break and just stick with coffee 😞
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