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Blahblah

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About Blahblah

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    It's either the Blues or Blahs

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  • Gender
    female
  • Interests
    Coffee (make it strong)
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    Cats & dogs
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    Naps
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    Music
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    The Sea
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    Writing (well, private ramblings in my journal)
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    Wandering
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    Any escape from my own mind
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    Kind souls

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  1. OK...i suppose the forced running today helped. Went 3 day in a row, but I cannot do it consistently. I hate running, but tiring out my body lets me escape my mind.
  2. "Prozac light" that's a good way to describe it! Def worth trying, after you go down to 10mg Prozac for awhile. The good thing about Prozac is you can adjust it easily as needed, and tapering off is easy. If things are getting worse, I increase to 20mg for awhile, until I ride it out. Then I go back to lower dose. it's not a slam dunk med, but I haven't found anything else that works for me unfortunately. And I've tried everything, except MAOIs (which many pdocs are hesitant to prescribe because they often have more side effects and contraindications) 😞
  3. Welcome @Waxwingblooming I can very much relate to your dilemma. All SSRIs make me apathetic & lethargic. They are great for anxiety & severe depression, but they increase the lethargy, which is a huge part of my persistent depression. I manage this by lowering my dose. Prozac has an extremely long half-life, so you will not feel extreme withdrawals if you play a bit with the dosage (btw I don't recommend changing it without consulting your psychiatrist). I find 10mg can still ameliorate the depression symptoms, without being as sedating. I also take a stimulant (ritalin) which mainly helps focus-wise (I get the robot feeling also with it) Honestly, IME, Trintillix is basically the same as Prozac, but it's a weaker (more selective) SSRI (marketed as possibly having less brain-fog effect) but I felt nothing taking it. It's worth trying though. Have you tried any SNRIs? Effexor is good, it's more stimulating, the only problem I had with it was that you absolutely cannot miss a day or you feel waaaaay off. Plus, it acts like an SSRI unless you increase the dose (300mg+) which means, by the time you hit therapeutic dose, it can be a really a tough med to withdraw from....and it causes some people more anxiety at the higher dose. Keep us posted what you decide. I've never tried MAOIs, curious how you'd do on that.
  4. I think they are both intertwined. Like, either one can lead to the other, or maybe it's caused by both at the same time. For example ,maybe stress from Covid lockdown is the initial situational trigger (or exacerbation of a mood state), and the situation itself causes biochemical changes that need to be addressed. (Especially if your brain is wired towards anxiety or depression) At any rate, is there a way to reduce the anxiety first (changing the situation) and then if that doesn't help, address the med change? I wish it wasn't so complicated with mental health issues, but I know for me, there must be a strong biochemical element, because I can remain depressed when my situation is all good.
  5. yeah, I was pulling out of it in 2019, then when the pandemic hit early this year, I slipped back into complete inertia again....Then, before I could pull out of it again, everything shut down, everyone confined, and it's not a good time to look for a job. Nowhere to go, no one to see or talk to... This entire year has been a complete waste and even when the world does begin to normalize, no idea how I will snap out of this. I see others still working productively....and they are taking it as opportunity to learn new skills.....also enjoying zoom calls, and I just want to disappear. I cannot cope. I read a lot too when I was young and enjoyed music. I now enjoy neither. Absolutely no energy (mentally or physically) to do anything.... I feel powerless, like with the state of the world, why bother. Can't even force myself anymore. Just sleep, eat, netflix, repeat...
  6. Here's a bit more I've read about Apathy (Wikipedia). In life, I've experienced a lot of (disappointment, dejection, and stress) like everything I attempt to do does not work out & therefore it's useless to try if everything is outside my control. How do you fix this????? The apathetic may lack a sense of purpose, worth, or meaning in their life. And may also exhibit insensibility or sluggishness. In positive psychology, apathy is described as a result of the individuals feeling they do not possess the level of skill required to confront a challenge (i.e. "flow"). It may also be a result of perceiving no challenge at all (e.g. the challenge is irrelevant to them, or conversely, they have learned helplessness). Apathy is something that all people face in some capacity and is a natural response to disappointment, dejection, and stress. As a response, apathy is a way to forget about these negative feelings.
  7. Even when my mood is stable (and I don't really feel depressed), I have excessive boredom... or is it laziness or Apathy? Especially since the confinement, nothing is open, nowhere to go, nowhere nice to even walk around to distract myself. I'm unemployed. It's been much worse. I can manage to do basic things on good days (like shower, exercise, go outside for a walk, cook, eat healthy)....but this literally is all I can do.... I try to initiate something enjoyable (like reading a book, or doing something creative, listen to music) and I cannot engage. I have extreme resistance, cannot sustain any interest. It feels like a combination of boredom, resistance and apathy..... I do sort of enjoy some things (napping and watching netflix). But it is impossible to get myself to do anything productive. I feel lazy and worried I won't be able to function in a job. Since I do feel some pleasure in taking a shower, napping, I assume it isn't full anhedonia? There seems to be no cure for this, my pdoc seems to be pleased when I'm stable and not depressed. I've felt like this for many years and essentially just force myself to do everything....stimulants help me focus but they don't allow me to be interested in anything.... pdoc has no ideas & doesn't seem to think that this is depression.....or even worth treating. Help.
  8. @CrazyRedhead I'm sorry things have not improved much... I'm curious if you could share the description of each number/level? I am horrible at giving a numeric rating to my symptoms, but if there were details for each number it could be helpful. Like 10 Suicidal (not safe, with plan), 9 Suicidal (passive thoughts)....not sure what 1-8 would be? Maybe 4 or 5 would be "anhedonic" ? I know typically, there are different scales for each mood disorder, even a scale to rate anhedonia...
  9. Just curious...what is AH? I've also scored to high on creatinine levels (just being on Lamictal, ritalin, which seems unusual), but my GP said it wasn't a big deal & not to worry about it?
  10. Same here.... I constantly debate which is better. I get told when I am apathetic & numb that it's a better state than the other, but in reality I don't know if I agree. I guess it depends on how bad things were before...(and sometimes, we selectively forget how bad it was) Is there a way to lower the dose of your meds? Or switch one out with a PRN? Sometimes that can help with the degree of numbness. I totally understand though, over time you begin to feel as if you are already dead and that is no way to go through life. I try to take the lowest dose of medications & deal with breakthrough symptoms, because complete anhedonia for years & years is no better! it is really a balancing act. All I know is i must stay on something, otherwise, I'll go completely off the rails.
  11. Exactly. With the unprecedented levels of voter turnout, I really thought initial results would be different...The US hasn't been "united" in a very long time. I wait with bated breath for the remaining mail-in ballots to be counted. But either way it goes, I also worry about turmoil & riots. What would it take for the US to just divide into two separate countries? 4 more years of this....Super difficult for anyone with existing mental health struggles to look forward to.
  12. Congrats! Caffeine is tough to give up...(but with soda, I'd be more concerned about the artificial sweeteners, colorings and high acidity level). I've tried to give up my 3 mug/day coffee habit, but it's really my only vice. I seem to justify it by the research that says coffee has some health benefits....I consume about 300-400mg of caffeine. better than the stimulants I take I suppose? I was curious to calculate your caffeine level with the soda...It seems 1 liter of Pepsi is only about 107mg of caffeine (https://www.caffeineinformer.com/caffeine-content/pepsi-cola ) so, if you drink 4 liters (that's a lot of liquids!), you're looking at 428mg caffeine, around the same as me. Tea is a great substitute!
  13. Yes, I took a long break, but then when i re-instated, the effect is nothing like the first year I took them. Feels like a reverse effect! I have chronic fatigue now, and taking these damn meds just makes it worse. If I take instant release I crash harder, but if I take extended, it only lasts like 2 hours (versus 5) and then my energy crashes. I'm in the same boat, it's the only med I initially felt REALLY helped my mood, motivation and cognition. Serotonin-based meds all give me brain fog and extreme apathy (to the point I'm numb, i stop caring about anything) Now I probably have adrenal fatigue, I take supplements/vitamins and I don't notice much benefit. I often wonder if there is a way to "reset" your brain, like with ECT or something? Sounds extreme, but I'm sooooo sick of this med go round....They seem like temporary band-aids and then you get dependent on them, must keep increasing dose (despite the fact they are not even working properly). Then often, they poop-out and then you're back in the hospital, full on breakdown, back to square one and worse off than ever. For me, i think meds are better episodically for 3-6 months, but it's not a life long solution....
  14. @JJ17 This is what scares me....Do you ever wish you had never started stimulants? I've been taking ritalin for the last 3 years or so, in the beginning, it was a godsend. The only thing that put a dent in my depression & motivation, and with no side effects. I had tried all the SSRIs, SNRIs, A/Ps, etc with no benefit. Then my tolerance went up, I tried taking long breaks & then re-starting. Now, effects are really inconsistent. Often it's like I've taken nothing. My apathy has grown MUCH worse. I have unbearable fatigue despite sleeping 12 hours per day. Sure, I can increase my dose, or start popping them every 3 hours, but what's the point, because it's diminishing returns! I worry I'm "destroying" my dopamine system as well. Or it's already destroyed. I used to be able to feel pleasure from some things, now it's impossible..... It's Hell.
  15. @whendovescry Congratulations on the positive improvements. I've been wanting to try ketamine for some time, but it's too difficult to access. Does your insurance cover it? Did you feel an immediate shift right away? There are people here that have tried it, but I don't know how effective it was, or whether the benefits lasted for them. What is your treatment protocol? Must you continuously do monthly sessions in the office every month or is it like ECT where you have a certain number of sessions/doses and then you're good for decades?
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