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About Blahblah

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    It's either the Blues or Blahs

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  • Interests
    Coffee (make it strong)
    Cats & dogs
    The Sea
    Writing (well, private ramblings in my journal)
    Any escape from my own mind
    Kind souls

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  1. Don't know where to put this as I'm not BP...but...... Apart from feeling apathetic mostly everyday & unable to do anything productive, I spend hours browsing/shopping online (but NOT actually buying anything). I create a profile on various sites, comparison shop, save dozens of things on Wishlists and keep going back wanting to buy stuff, but I don't. Can be everything from furniture, rugs, bath products, pillows, artwork, clothing... It's a wierd addiction because I'm like the opposite of impulsive. I don't have the budget to buy the stuff I want (and luckily by sheer willpower, I d
  2. Feeling so sad today.... overwhelmingly alone.....since I woke up. I hate days / mornings like this. I just want to crawl back in bed, under the covers.
  3. That's awful... What dose where you on & for how long? I've heard that A/Ps can cause permanent TD, yet docs often downplay it. Like, it'll go away as soon as you stop, etc, etc. For many people it doesn't. I was on very low dose for a short period, and developed weird constant twitches & uncomfortable writhing movements of my shoulder, restlessness, but tired at the same time... i couldn't stop shifting weight from foot to foot, adjusting body position, rubbing my toes together. Much of the time I didn't know I was doing it, people commented. It's Poison.
  4. I totally feel the same and agree with you.... I wish there were support groups near me, but there are none. So I just have these online forums. Pretty much on my own.
  5. Gosh @esmerinhell you're only 16? You sound wise for your years 🙃 Sounds like something I could've written and I'm about 3x your age. You seem to have a solid awareness of your patterns. Have you tried therapy? You do have youth on your side now, so you still have time to improve things! I know exactly what you mean by meds artificially removing the thoughts. But they are a somewhat necessary band-aid. I wish I had an answer...sometimes you have to hang on to things that keep you afloat, whether that be a parent, therapist, a pet, nature, creative outlet... Yep, I know "surviving" is not
  6. Whoa...sounds scary and sort of extreme to me. I'm surprised they wouldn't recommend TMS or ECT first. I've never heard of brain surgery being recommended (nowadays) for OCD....In fact, even ECT/TMS is usually only recommended for those with treatment-resistant Depression (I think)... Is there anyone who has already done this procedure that you can talk to?
  7. Probably a bit of both - Most people who are struggling with a diagnosed depression or anxiety will not benefit much from only 2 months of therapy....(Although the NHS and other insurance entities often max out 2 months) but 2 months of sessions are more appropriate for a temporary/transient anxiety, job burn out, death of a family member, etc. But I also know well the feeling of dread about going every week, talking over & over about stuff and not feeling much better or ever seeing any full remission. I wouldn't depend on talk therapy so much if I had real social support or some
  8. I hear you. Some thoughts: I have a good awareness of the "why" and understanding where many of my anxieties/depression/fears/reactions come from (past experiences, specific traumas, genetic/biological makeup). Unfortunately, this "knowledge" does not eradicate or change the way I feel or experience certain situations. If that makes sense? I suppose I could temper my internal "reactions" even more, but honestly, when many of my feelings or disappointments are indeed justified or valid, what can you do? Process, talk about it & move on I guess. Otherwise try to bypass & ignore
  9. This is a good point @Antecedent When in crisis mode, therapy is just about putting out the fire, and tweaking emergency meds. Whereas, at calmer times, you can dive deeper into long standing patterns and build a better awareness or insight. But....How do you know when therapy is "working" ?? I'm just so impatient and wonder if it's worth it just to gain more awareness (when I'm already well aware of the problems I have.). I have never achieved the transformative change of perspective & feelings that I desire.
  10. How is everyone doing these days? How are you occupying/taking care of yourself? It's the same sh&t different day here.... Tough to believe it's 2021, a new year, with the pandemic having no clear end in sight. Wake me when it's over.
  11. Same.... I feel like this sh&t is never going to end. And I'm angry... Angry that despite all the masks, precautions, lockdowns, closures, restrictions, warnings/pleads from hospital workers, there must be many people still gathering together closely indoors. I understand the UK variant is more contagious, but if everyone was actually following ALL of the rules, it wouldn't be this bad! Even when things do open again & people can socialize, it's been so damn long since I've dressed in proper clothes, got out of bed before 10:30am, or spoken to anyone. I am afraid I won't ever be a
  12. For those who are not in an acute episode..... How often do you see a therapist? I've seen therapist regularly & consistently for the 20 years I've been dealing with this disease. I take breaks here & there, and have switched numerous times. At moment, I'm thinking about cutting down to every other week. I'm sick of going & seeing so much money invested when my depression is lifelong & chronic. Been seeing my current therapist weekly for the last 5 months. I do like her. It is good having someone to talk/vent to (especially during a year of lockdowns, isolation) but I I'm
  13. Is it a crash in the evenings, emotionally or physically, or are you just "bored" ? i notice more fatigue & flatness in the afternoon/evenings, because Ritalin jacks up your heart rate, stimulation, attention and focus all day. It's a sort of Catch-22, like imagine drinking 10 cups of coffee all in one go, in the morning...you'll probably be wired, but then you come down harder & feel worse when it wears off in the evening. You may need a dosage tweak, because tolerance is gained very quickly. Or you can take the extended version in the morning, which wears off more slowly. For
  14. Just want to offer my heartfelt support. I've gained more comfort from animals than any human could offer. Dogs are just the most loyal, selfless companions. Let yourself grieve for however long it lasts and don't feel ashamed for the grief you feel for your best friend. Try to find comfort in the love & care that you provided, and when the time comes, envision him in doggy heaven. I'm sure you gave him the best life! And maybe in the future, you can adopt another dog who needs love.
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