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  1. Thanks 😊 I'm trying to note every little win (regardless how small) and try to integrate more gratitude also, which is tough during the low streaks.
  2. I was happy to hear that you were feeling better and calm earlier! Sorry the loneliness is hitting you now 😞 Happy to say today has been OK. I took a lot of measures to focus on self-care, did low-stress errands, managed to cook. Finished notes on my DBT skills card (initially I thought was dumb, but maybe it'll help me see progress) Was really lethargic but let myself take a nap. My gratitude for the day was that I took a big jar of heavy coins to a coinstar machine and got about $45 in cash! (I pretended I won the lottery)
  3. Awww me too. @Fluent In Silence for all it's worth, you bring a smile to my face, you are caring, have a great sense of humor and you help people here feel less sh*tty about themselves. So you are definitely far from worthless!
  4. Antihistamines: Vistaril, Atarax, Alamemazine, there is another but I forgot the name. Maybe something like Gabapentin could be useful for anxiety? Or even an SSRI like Celexa can be calming (if you can tolerate them)
  5. That sounds like a nightmare. When will the construction end? Too bad you don't have any heavy duty noise cancelling headphones. I also hope you can figure out some tweaks to a benzo to sleep youve been dealing with that a long time, god knows I'm often an emotional wreck even when I do sleep 9-10 hours. BTW I always read your posts, I just don't always feel I have the most helpful thing to say. Let's hope things get a bit better tomorrow. and thanks @echolocation I am so over my bad brain!
  6. Agree with @l'appel du vide I developed a very quick tolerance to Ativan and Xanax (it basically left me more panicked and anxiety-ridden than I had ever been before) The benzos with longer half lives (maybe Valium) in lowest dose might be less of an issue? There are also anti-anxiety meds that fall into the anti-histamine family that my pdoc prescribes instead (because I am very sensitive to benzo tolerace & withdrawal) but those don't work for everyone.
  7. Woke up severely depressed, crying for no reason and have a debilitating migraine. This is going to be a delightful day 🤯
  8. OMG, I couldn't have said this better, my exact experience. I've been in therapy for 20 years and see little improvement from it (tried about every modality also). I think the improvement I have made since my teens is mainly due to maturity and life experience... And I'm very pro-active, not lazy. I do the work, exercises (meditation, activities, etc) I reflect a lot. I often prepare an agenda of important problems to discuss. I am self aware of my patterns. I try to engage in challenging myself and my thoughts, doing new activities. Yet I don't enjoy anything, it's all been a chore to endure. I'm not passionate about anything, I'm not especially skilled at anything, no matter how much effort I put in. I am good about self care. But I am always exhausted, discouraged, feel incapable and depressed. It's extremely difficult to remain hopeful when this has been the case for literally 2 decades. I'm at a loss of what to do.
  9. wow, that sounds awful..they didn't give you a counselor? I had the same experience inpatient, all the other patients had a counselor they saw like everyday and I had no one except a pdoc a few days before I was discharged (to assess me to leave I guess). I wasn't talking to anyone privately, just had the group sessions (which didn't even pertain to me or my diagnosis). I had to do an EKG also, no idea why...And one morning they just didnt have my meds (benzo) and i freaked out, sweating and in a panic. was really weird. I hated being inpatient.
  10. Dysphoric, worried. I feel like a failure and completely incapable today....I don't know what will help.
  11. I can relate to this...I have a few cups of coffee per day and I don't wanna know how much worse i'd feel without it!
  12. Same. I can be severely depressed, yet you better bet I'll still be taking showers and eating 3 times per day...Now being "productive" with my time (without sleeping half the day away), exercising, socialising or doing laundry are by far a different story...
  13. I've heard the term "high functioning" applied to every diagnosis. Far as I know, yes, you look fine, well & happy on the outside (like no none would suspect at all) You are great at hiding it in the public sphere, in order to do what you need to do (highly capable in daily living, working, socialising) but inside, you are a mess. I don't think you need to be an overachiever to be high functioning. You may still avoid some things (everyone does) but many things you usually don't (like socializing, going to work, etc). You aren't "disabled" by your MI for the most part.
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