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r2mnot

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About r2mnot

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  • Gender
    Woman
  • Location
    Oregon

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1,750 profile views
  1. Me too. Used to be very active in blogs, but lost internet for a few years other than on my phone, which had a tiny screen and itty bitty buttons that hurt my thumbs to use. So I guess I'm an old member. Nice to meet you, echolocation:)
  2. I can tell the difference when I forget my Ritalin, which I did when we went out of town recently, but I dont feel sick or run down or anything; I just feel like I did before I started taking it.
  3. Woke up without a headache. Yay! Then stepped on scale. Not yay. So today I plan to re-start the exercise program I had going before Mom passed away.
  4. I've come to think of acceptance as finding and facing reality: if there is a problem, I have to understand that, well, there is a problem. It's not about whether the problem is ok, but more whether or not there is something I can do to improve the situation, or, at the very least, not make it worse. Hopefully I'm making sense. Self-compassion can be life changing, but it usually takes the compassion of other people to get me there. Like many, I've been trained to beat myself up. It helps, though it's not always possible, to stay away from toxic people, trolls and the like.
  5. Posted something Washed the dishes. Yelled at twitter. Polished off a can of whipping cream.
  6. I don't have a tdoc. I've been on medication management for a few years now, and I'm not sure about getting another, because my income will change for the better just enough to lose Medicade in, um, 10 days, but I haven't dealt with that because...I don't even know where to start. I have never successfully completed a phone call with Medicade. They spelled my name wrong the whole time. I should be kind of alarmed about this. No meds. I will run out of everything in about 45 days. But here I sit doing nothing constructive.
  7. My husband and I were caregivers for my mom until she died this past February. I feel incredibly sad about losing my mom, but what I didn't expect to feel was so lost. I lost my mom, yes, but I also lost my job, which was taking care of her, and before her, Dad. I'm nearly 57 and I haven't been employed since 2008, when I got fired on the same day we were getting Dad moved into the nursing home. Asshole boss. Different story. We're OK financially for a while, at least if we're super careful, so for now I'm volunteering in a local organization and that's about it. Otherwise I just watch the teevee or look at shit that is bound to piss me off on twitter, because feeling mad is somehow better than feeling so fucking sad. There is a huge list of crap you have do do when someone dies, mostly involving paperwork and/or math, and, sucking at both, I put it off. We want to fix, then sell this house and move somewhere drier and sunnier than it is here. But I am doing nothing to get closer to that goal. This really has to stop. And of course it's complicated with migraines caused by HRT and the subsequent discontinuation of hormones might be making me just TINY bit off. The migraines continue anyhow, near daily, but less intense. Used Imitrex both yesterday and today, so if it comes back tomorrow, I can't take more without risking a rebound headache. I think it's getting better though. Anyone else lose their balance like this this? Ideas to get me off my ass? Or anything else. Really. Just say hi or something. Talk about your loss if you want. I think I feel more alone than anything.
  8. I'm so sorry. It is indeed a long grieving process, and your fears are logical and totally understandable. Both my parents were diagnosed with Alzheimer's. We (my husband I) took care of my mother for her last few years. She also had aphasia and delusions, a failed hip replacement, heart failure & a murmur. We are lucky that we were in a position to do that. Mom was probably easier to care for than some. She became childlike at times, in a good way, expressing wonder at the museum, the community garden, especially the eclipse a few years back. She couldn't wander because she couldn't walk, and was so tiny that my husband could (and did) lift her many times a day. Dad was much more difficult...angry at anyone who disagreed with him, threw coffee at Mom. ( it was cold) so Dad ended up in a nursing home. He had no idea who I was towards the end, other than someone friendly. They are both gone now, Mom most recently. It is all so heartbreaking, and I'm sorry that this has become your journey. Please don't let any false sense of guilt take root. You are already carrying a heavy enough load. It's so damned hard and scary.
  9. Thanks, Rabbit, I'm glad this place and some familiar folks (like you) are still here. I didn't have a computer for a long time. Still don't, just this cheap tablet. I tried using my phone here, but the screen was too small for me to use for writing very much.
  10. I'm tired of hearing, "Your mom is in a better place." I don't know how to react without sounding like an asshole, and anyway, I feel too sad and overwhelmed to try to educate well meaning people.
  11. The sound of someone else doing dishes. Best music ever.
  12. Thank you both for the welcome. Yeah, dementia is pretty bad. Both of my parents died from it, but mom was way more with it when she died. She knew, but before she lost the ability to speak, she said she was ready and wanted to go.
  13. I found it extremely effective, and after years of trying 12 step programs, church, god, an abusive drug and alcohol treatment center that gave me ptsd... I wish I had known sooner, it would have saved a lot of people time and money, and me shit tons of agony and guilt. Anyone else have any luck with it?
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