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  1. This is all new to me. I just had my worst manic episode yet this June and the psychosis never wore off despite my mood stabilizing. I'm worried I permanently messed up my brain. It's seemingly getting worse now. I had a vivid visual hallucination last night that spooked the hell out of me at work. I've been referred to psych testing to figure out what's going on. I'm worried of what they'll find.
  2. Right, so for the past couple of weeks I've been having a lot of trouble getting a proper amount of sleep. I've been averaging about 3-4 hours a night. I just got over a somewhat mild hypomanic episode last week yet the sleep problem persists. Probably a stupid question, but could I be at risk for another possibly even worse episode if this keeps up? I'm kind of worried about that as that episode last week had some people worried and almost had me in the hospital. I feel relatively stable right now which is why I'm skeptical about another episode happening. It might be worth noting that I had my Lamictal increased to 200mg from 150mg as a result of this so maybe that's helping?
  3. For those of you that don't know, 23andMe is doing a study on depression and bipolar and is handing out free testing kits to participants in the study. I just got my results back a few days ago, and ran the raw data through a genome processing site called Promethease, which allows you to view all your genetic health risks and such in a nice organized view. Anyway, I came across the category for genetic markers correlated with causing bipolar disorder and noticed quite a few on my genome. That image was just the first few markers. There were at least three or four more stating I was at an increased risk. What I found even more interesting is that I had only a couple markers for ADHD and autism respectively. I was convinced nothing for bipolar or schizophrenia would show up, but it turned out to be quite the opposite.
  4. It's one of signs that I'm getting manic for me. Instead of the usual ear-worms I get, I'll end up hearing one or two measures looping constantly and intensely in my head. It's not even always music I've heard before. Sometimes it's something completely new which can be kind of advantageous if I'm trying to make music. It basically takes over my internal rhythm and everything I do seems to have a beat to it. It's hard to explain. Shutting a door and locking it will sound like music.
  5. Anyone get like this? I only managed to get an hour or two of sleep last night and I'm definitely feeling the effects of that. Exhaustion and everything, you know. Anyway, I go to see my therapist today and right off the bat she says I'm hypomanic by the way my eyes look I guess, and the fact that I was giggling and talking non-stop. I was definitely not acting like my normal self, I guess. The thing is, I'm not so sure if I'm actually going hypo. I'm not super full of energy or anything, my thoughts aren't racing, no grandiose ideas, etc. The only thing I guess would be my significantly uplifted mood that I started to get last night. I'm not feeling TOO good, just great. I don't see what the problem is, and now my therapist is trying to get my pdoc to bring my Lithium dose back up when I've been trying to get off of it! This is all very frustrating. I can't just go in to see my pdoc/therapist, fuck even my parents happy without them jumping to equations and invalidating my feelings by saying I'm just hypomanic. I can't fucking stand it. I CAN HAVE FEELINGS TOO. ANyway, my therapist aalso refuses to believe me when I say I've been taking all my meds. I have. I don't fucking miss doses. I know what happens when I do, and I don't want that to happen again. I just feel pretty great right now, and I don't want that to stop just yet. I like feeling something other than that perpetual ennui I experience whenever I'm not depressed. I digress. I guess I'm just wondering if what I'm experiencing is just the effects of sleep deprivation or if I'm actually entering a hypomanic state. I want to know if what I'm feeling is real or not, I suppose.
  6. I feel like quitting my meds. I'm getting tired of feeling like a zombie all the time and having all these memory issues. I want to feel alive again. I think I was fine before I ever went on meds. I was productive, I could get good grades and line up job offers. I might have been hypomanic one summer but I honestly don't think it was severe enough to warrant being put on all these meds. I think my case is pretty mild, all things considered. I just have to watch out for depression. Mania has yet to wreck my life so I'm honestly not too worried about any of that coming back. Hell, I might even welcome some of it. I miss the hypomania too much. I miss not having any social anxiety, the drive to pick up new hobbies, that "everything in the world is great" feeling, and all the colors. It's like this high I won't ever be able to get to again if I stay on meds the rest of my life.
  7. That makes sense. I haven't really thought of it that way. I know for a fact that I've been worse off when ever I miss meds than when I'm on them consistently, and they seem to help with keeping my mood from dipping too much unlike SSRIs which had no effect on me.
  8. This happens to me all the time. I'm honestly not sure if I've ever actually experienced mania despite what doctors say. This whole mess started when I crashed into a really bad depression after having the best summer of my life. The thing is, during that really awesome summer, I don't recall ever having this intense euphoric feeling, having trouble sleeping, or being intensely focused on anything. I did feel pretty awesome, though. While normally I'm incredibly shy, introverted and depressed, I was suddenly really outgoing, being able to talk to strangers without any anxiety. I was also obsessed with public transportation for some reason. I had to ride every single train in the city and go to every stop. I have no idea why that was. Then there was this whole issue of me spending money frivolously like paying $15 for a bunch of freaking guitar picks, buying my friends things, and a plane ticket out west. Early that fall, I started to crash after I became obsessed with my self-image. My mood started to really deteriorate until I hit rock bottom after botching a job interview. It was then that I tried to end my life for the first time by taking an unknown amount of Zoloft. Thankfully I didn't suffer any serious effects from that, but after telling my therapist about it, she had me sent to the ER and I barely managed to avoid the psych unit somehow. After seeing my psychiatrist, she mentioned the possibility of me having bipolar and put me on Lamictal. I kind of just brushed it all off as me being weird that whole time. I'm not really sure if that sounds like hypomania. I know about how it's pointless to overthink the whole diagnosis thing, but this is constantly torturing my mind throughout the day and I feel like I need to know whether questioning the diagnosis is a symptom of the disease, or if I've really just been faking it this whole time. I really don't want to be taking all these meds if I really don't have to. I know I'm kind of rambling, sorry, but can anyone else relate?
  9. I once managed to stay up for about 46-48 hours once while trying to trigger mania. Didn't seem to work though. All it did was make me feel awful.
  10. Anything from a few weeks, few months to a few years. My longest episode lasted a good 2-3 months and that was years ago. Never had another one like it as of yet. That said, I do often cycle between moderately-severely depressed for weeks and very mild hypomania that might last a few days at most. I think it's med changes that do that, though because every time a change is made, my mood shifts one way or the other. I'm looking at you, Lamictal.
  11. My family and closest friends know, that's about it. Unless I feel the need to I don't usually divulge personal things like that without a specific reason. I wouldn't randomly talk about other medical issues for instance, so why would bipolar be any different from that?
  12. For example, one time I was at home with my family minding my own business and what not when suddenly I get the idea that my mother was trying to call the cops on me and poisoned the glass of water I had been drinking from. I felt mildly terrified. However, I was able to recognize that these ideas were ridiculous and had no base in reality which helped calm me down a bit, but my gut said otherwise. This lasted for about 15 minutes until I snapped out of it. What I don't get is that until then, I never had thoughts like that at all unless I was seriously manic. Is it possible to experience mild psychotic symptoms when in a stable mood?
  13. Hello! I've been taking about 150mg of Lamictal (Lamotrigine) for roughly the past two years in conjunction with various other meds that have come and gone. A few months ago I was prescribed Vraylar (cariprazine) to kill a rather nasty depressive state that I was in. It was effective enough that my doctor considered stopping the Lamictal in favor of this new drug along with the Lithium I've also been on. Long story short, he's having me slowly taper off the medication going down from 150mg to 100. He did mention the possibility of some depression coming back as a result. I forgot to ask him about what other potential side effects that may be experienced, and my google searches on the subject haven't yielded any meaningful results except leading me to this forum (lol). Has anyone else gone through with tapering off Lamictal? Were there any kind of withdrawal effects? Thanks!!!
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