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countingstars

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  1. akathisia is the worst feeling I have ever get, I tried to keep calm and not act out in hospital because I want to be out so bad. I suppose walking around like a mad mouse in hospital only makes me stay even longer... It is like the song 'jailbreak' from awolnation. I also found Vitamin B6 might be helpful for akathisia. I have not tried it yet. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15554771 Also, I do have ativan, xanax and clonazepam in hand, I rarely take those but when I am really manic, those does not even work... I will try ask for Haldol. I have not had an episode for 8 month. I hope it will last.
  2. I live in California most of times. I consider my voice as my friend...I don't know how to live without it at this point. The best I can describe my relationship with voice is like Stockholm syndrome... that's a lot of great advice about meds! I am definitely saving it for any new symptoms. A lot of new things to study! Invega 3mg is currently working for me. I am back on my normal weight, and feel ok during the day. If I don't tell, people can't tell I have Sz. I also agreed with my doctor that if I have another episode, I will go back on invega injection and probably a cocktail of meds. Sometimes I think I have DID instead of Sz. There are few times I would not remember anything I did. For instance, once I was being send to hospital, and come home at the same day. I ask my parents what happened, they told me I wasn't well, so they send me to hospital, but I behaved perfectly at hospital, the doctor think I am fine, so they send me home! I did not remember a thing about it... All I remember is I am in the car, on the way home... There is times when I eat watermelon, I would pause, and my voice will continuous to eat the rest watermelon and even spit the seeds out... If I ask my voice to type on keyboard, it will type some new things that I am not even capable with... When the voice comes up with a 'great idea', I went ahead and fulfill it. End up with disasters. Or the voice will not stop talking, then I can't sleep for days, end up go to hospital voluntary to get put to sleep by injection... Its like battling with a criminal minded friend. Strangely, my depression is not as bad as before recently, I hope its not manic. About Geodon, I once ask my doctor in hospital if I can try it (it may help to control weight.), she told me only one of her patient is on it. She does not advice it. I don't know much about medication. I am glad you are going to try D3. I take 'Nature Made' brand Vitamin D3, it looks like a tiny fish oil which works wander.
  3. I have exactly the same thing going on with me. zombies, ghosts, aliens... When I was younger, I watched a lot of 'walking dead' for fun, and wasn't scared of it at all. After having Sz, I gets so scared by just thinking about it. I deeply regret watching it. I have to sleep with lights on. For a while going out at night is impossible for me.
  4. It was schizophrenia and bipolar to begin with. In the last three hospitalization it changed to schizophrenia only. The doctor also stopped lithium(as it is for bipolar.).
  5. hi mikl_pls, here is a list of my meds past meds: Prozac-tried as a teenage, I can focus on school with it at the time but I can't feel I love or care about anyone or anything. No sadness, no happiness. Zyprexa- prescribed after first episode. weight gain(from 120lb to 145lb in a month), Restless.(have to walk around none stop for more than 12 hours a day!) Abilify- loose some weight, does not control my symptom, I would talk to myself uncontrollable in front of the people. I would feel the conversation does make sense, but for others its like word salad. Invega injection - weight gain, restless(better than zyprexa, but I could not concentrate, not able to watch any movies.) Latuda - gets very nauseous on high dose. could act normal but feel so sad and hopeless. Also restless Seroquel- no obvious side effect, had episode after taking it. doctor think it doesn't work for me. ADD ON: Lithium- doctor keep trying to prescribe it to me although it makes my mouth dry and hair fall out. weight gain. had lots of pimples while on it! Clonazepam - tried to use it to calm down my shaky legs due to the other meds. (doctor told me I can't drive while on it.) vitamin D2 - blood test show me have low vitamin D lever, tried it for more than 8 month, does not work. start to develop joint pain, shaky hands. Switch to soft gel vitamin D3 xanax 1mg- only had it in hospital, doctor switched it to Clonazepam. Ativan - only had it in hospital, doctor switched it to Clonazepam. Invega oral 6mg - restless. I start walking around 6+ hours a day on it. It is so hard, I was so tired but I can't stop walking! current medication Invega oral 3mg - doctor is somehow concerned of such low dose, but I am stable so far. There is once my insurance delayed, I did not had it for one day. after about 24 hour not having it, my thought become unclear, it is hard to put thought into word. Luckily I got it the day after that. vitamin D3 - I got more energy. My joint pain stopped after taking it for a month. My hands are not as shaky (the doctor mentioned to me it is good for mood.) ------------ Thank you so much for your support. Right now I just act as normal as I could be. I tried to go to therapist for few month, but the girl I talk to does not seems to have good suggestion for me. I told her how my mom is like, she tells me to focus on my son, and try to find a hobby. (I do feel a bit better after complaining about my mom a lot. Guess the therapist must got fed up with so much talking about my mom.) The therapist was quite while my mom deny everything... Nowaday, I only talk to my voice while I am by myself. It feels like I have an imaginary friend with me all the time. The voice is friendly but sometimes have some strange ideas. Kind like the voice is trying to brain wash me, but I learned to ignore those ideas most of the time...There is times I will fall to believe the voice.(like there is alien attack, I have to hide in my room, be super quite just in case I will be catch by aliens and made to snacks...It is kind hilarious to think after I get better...) When the first time I admit to hospital, I did not know what does all the paper works means, so I signed them all. My parents made me stayed for a month after my first week is up... I learned better now. The hospital is so boring. I feel that their food all have a strange bleach taste...
  6. I have a lot of nightmares, sometimes I am not even myself. I can never tell when I was dreaming, it always feels real to me. I was psychotic in my dreams, I know it but I can't control my behavior in the dream. It happens a lot. I tend to not think about the dreams, so after several days, I would forget about it, but there will always be new scary dreams...
  7. thank you so much. I try to be with son as much as possible. When I am not well, I tries to sleep in the living room, so I make sure my son is not in a bad situation with my mom. As long I can see, my son is pretty happy and social. My mom does not seems to treat my son the same way she treat me. I was very worried about it too. I am not sure what will happen when my son grow older, but I am cautious about it. I learn to play 'high five' to my son, to see if he is scared or not, he always happily 'high five' me back. I think he is ok so far. Sometimes my mom will yell at him, but he does not seems to care much. (I guess that's because he never get beaten.) He is about to go to per-school soon, living with my parents does give him a chance to go to good school. My mom denied what she did to me in front of the therapist... My parents seems have build a good reputation amount friends and relatives. I am afraid they would not understand me. I don't have a real friend I can lean to. I am mostly just be myself at home now. Does not talk unless it is absolutely necessary.
  8. For financial reason, I live with my parents. I have to quit college because I have schizophrenia. There is always insanity going on that makes me become so sad and hopeless. There is so many confusing and mistreatment. My mom used to beat me as a child for at least 3 times a week for more than 20 minutes per time. With a lot of swearing and curse. I don't even know if she is my real mom. I once ask them if I am adopted. They instantly tell me that, I am having an 'episode'. I tried to ask her for an apology, she simply denied it and tells me that she did not do such thing. I also hear her talking to her friends on the phone that I was such a trouble child, and now have mental problem. She just love attention from people no matter what it is. I once go talk to my dad, and all the sudden, I smell a gross stinky smell, I tried to ask my dad if its him, he denied, and say its me. So I went away, and checked everywhere and if there is things stick on my shoes. I found nothing, and the smell stopped. I then ask my mom if she smell it. She simply tells me that I am psychotic. I had never had any problem with smells. They constantly ask me to upper my dose of medication because they think I am not as nice as I was. If I ever raise my voice over some family issue, they would ask me if I need to go to hospital. Then I tries to avoid them by staying in my bedroom. Eating by myself. Then my mom called police on me! The police arrive, I was so upset. I was trying to be honest so I told them I want to cut myself because of my mom called them. Then they took me to hospital. I stayed there for a week, my mom never visited me. But she tell every relative that she is supportive and visited me everyday. It is not even the first time it happened. I tries my best to act normal and I do help with chores a lot. I have a 5 year old son. I can't find a better place for him. Because my mom beat me as a child, even nowadays when she raise her voice, (which happens a lot), I get shaky. My parents are retired, and well off. I really hope I have a better option and just be with my son, but there is days I am not well. I always talk to my voice at night, cry to sleep sometimes. I feel like my voice is the only person that understand me. I prayed to god so many times as child that I could never see my mom again. Here I am, living with her and being a toy to her. Pretend to be nice, but deep inside I just want to run far far away from her. In the hospital, I see other parents visit their kid with care. My parents could curse at me. I later ask if my dad did do such thing. He just tell me he did not. I am not sure I have a hallucination or not. But I see his face, and I see the words come out his mouth, clearly. Its not the hallucination I usually see. Or I can't tell? I am so confused. I don't know if they are lying to me or I am sick? I am ashamed in front of all my relatives. My mom told a lot of details of me being sick to them. On one strange occasion, One of my aunt tells me that she think my mom have mental problems TOO? I don't know how to answer that and I was angry the way she say it. Every relatives tells me that, I am much better. Because I pretend I wasn't sick of them and make jokes and be nice to them. I am not better, I am so sick. The meds is working but my life is a mess.
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