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About Wolfie

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    A tropical beach
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    I discovered myself

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  1. Thanks knick, some part of my disorder and early childhood trauma made me very adrenalized and resilient, actually i would call my bipolar more "hyperthymic" in nature, I've really gone manic of meds only, and hypomanic at the airport and trade fairs (i think its all the lights and activity.... i was representing a client at the largest travel market in Europe in london and i talked to everyone @ every stall in about 3 hours, none of them understood anything i said LOL, my client made me have a few glasses of wine with him... ) and lithium works... i'll catch up with you on the board... Wooster: thanks for the reply, i don't know it is a very stimulating city, but i love to walk around and see people, i lived in ft Lauderdale for a few months and it was a bummer going for a walk and not seeing anyone except in cars. I liked south beach, but its too expensive for me to live there and i'm sure i'll start partying the wrong way... I made a note of your therapy recommendations, i only know of emdr and hypnosis... will ask my psychologist about this, As I have gone fully holistic (i take 16 different vitamins and supplements), ketogenic diet, work out like a madman, wear blue-light reducing glasses at night (helps fall asleep without too many meds) and get ketamine on a monthly basis (this year has been the best in 6 years), it costs ~400 dollars, and i have very little income these days :() so i need a cheaper solution.... my psychologist said EMDR and hynopsis can "ease" symptoms but the only real therapy is time for the most part... I got frustrated, i read a VA study recently they were giving risperadol to 20,000 soldiers, 5% response. Non-risperdol non med response in the same time period: 4%. Is risperadol really worth it? Like i said, i worked in international finance, in my head all i see is someone earning $$$ or taking advantage of an easy population to take advantage of who has a hard time organizing and fighting for their rights.... We consume the largest part of health care expenses and have the worst outcomes... i write stuff like this because part of ptsd is this changed world view where everything is viewed through this dystopic prism... anyway I'm fighting it like knick said for anyone interested here's the list, I'm waiting to get magnesium taurate which apparently doesn't cause diarrhea i'd like to up my fish oil dosage for 3g (its 2.4g), it tastes funny, especially when i burp, lol... as you can see this is all nice and tidy in excel LOL Vitamin List # Vitamin Name Brand Strength Morn Even Effective 1 Omega 3 Fish Oil Dr Tobias 300 4 4 2400 2 Vitamin D3 Athena 10,000 1 10000 3 Green Tea Extract Sports Research 750 1 200 4 Super B Complex CVS (or whoever) Strong 1 VARIOUS 5 Zinc GNC 50 1 50 6 Biotin Nature's Bounty 10000 1 10000 7 Turmeric Doctor Recommended Supplemenents 750 1 750 8 Magnesium Nature Made 250 1 250 9 Vitamin C Wegmans 1000 1 1000 10 Taurine Now Foods 1000 1 1000 12 Melatonin Nature's Bounty 5 1 5 Workout Supplements 14 Probiotic 15 strains Hyperbiotics 5B CFU 1 15 Protease Nature's Sunshine 400 1 400 16 Fortify Joint Legion Various 1 17 Alpha GPC Peak Nootropics 300 1 300
  2. I'm glad It must be a NY thing... lol, anyway I'm down to 5mg, and i'll be benzo free by march with no suffering, I just don't understand why its such a battle, i guess two big egos conflicting lol anyway good luck to everyone tapering off!
  3. I've lived international, second time tapering off Lorazapem, as I needed to deal with PTSD situation, we used valium it was a nice smooth lovely taper, I convinced my GP here in the US to give me valium after my idiot pdoc insists on Klonopin for some odd reason... I told him the half life sucks compared to valium and to get educated, he couldn't tell me any rational reason other than "that's how we do it here". Then I found this on the ashton manual: http://www.benzo.org.uk/ashvtaper.htm Further Note on Klonopin vs Valium: April 15, 2002. It is well known that Klonopin is a good anticonvulsant. In fact its only indication for use in the UK is for epilepsy. The fact that it has a higher affinity for GABA-A receptor sites than diazepam simply means that it is more potent, but potency is mainly a matter of equivalent dosages. Binding of clonazepam to receptors that do not bind to other benzodiazepines and action on sodium channel conductors are relevant to anticonvulsant effects, not tranquillising effects. The fact that clonazepam has sedative and anxiolytic actions and typical adverse effects of benzodiazepines including ataxia, irritability, depression and tolerance shows that there is little overall difference. Since clonazepam has a relatively short half life, from 18 to 50 hours, I don't think it would be any easier to come off it using 1/64th mg capsules. I think you still need a long-acting benzodiazepine such as diazepam. I would also reiterate that I have known people make the clonazepam to diazepam substitution and final withdrawal without difficulty. I'm an economist by trade, I assume somebody in the USA is making money off klonopin? I never heard of it anywhere else or anybody taking it anywhere else in the world..
  4. it should be a drip infusion, a shot will be intense at the start and taper off, being in a k-hole is a pretty eye-opening event, where is the MDMA study, i'm very interested in that, ketamine brought me back from 0 to 75%, i'm missing the 25% :))) also like mdma I'm able to explore the traumatic event without hypervigilance or panic returning so the benefits of ketamine are two-fold if you can do that, one during the trip, and then when the norketamine (the metabolite) starts regenerating the synapses in your brain after few hours... Good luck!
  5. Hi Everyone, I recently joined this forum. I have had a couple of rough years. I was diagnosed with a mood disorder which I have largely under control, but it does make me unstable. I have alot of trauma from childhood (my country of origin was a warzone, relatives killed, my father committed suicide when I was 10, he abused my mother... anyway I worked in international finance, I started off working in investment banking 100+ hours a week (I have flashbacks from that) being torturted by sadistic bosses, however more recently I was living in an eastern European country. my driver arranged for me to be kidnapped by mafia from that country, and I was held for 2 days hostage and they demanded 100,000 euros extortion. They beat me brutally (below the head :)) and had me handcuffed to my radiator, they were armed with pistols, a machine gun, knifes, a telescope (kind of stick for beating). I finally told them I would get them their money. I went to the bank and wrote for the police to help and was able to get marked bills from the bank 3 days later and the police arrested them on the handover. I was in the local press and praised as a hero for standing up to the mafia (i don't feel like a hero, what bs...) Now they took my details back here in the US, and I sold all my property in that country (warzone of my youth). One of them escaped from prison. I was fine for 6 months afterwards, but then it hit me like a truck, i was like a soldier in the movie just stumbling my way to the emergency room inpatient (i guess ptsd combined with my mood disorder). I have flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance. The group who kidnapped me is very unlikely to arrange an attack where I live now, but i can't relax no matter what i do, the .01% in my head is like 90%. I carry a pretty lethal knife (if i was in the south of the US, i'd def have a 9mm (or back in the homeland)), everytime i leave my building I do checks on all sides, every time I see someone who looks like them I become hypervigilent. my back is killing me. Exercise, good diet, I can't work because my whole world view has become skewed and I just want to get away from everything and go to a deserted island. Tried 20+ meds (for mood disorder too...) did nothing except make me fat and lose my hair and make me more numb. My mood disorder worsened. I've been getting ketamine therapy which I believe also helps with the PTSD symptoms. The first year after the attack, i was in a catatonic stupor, i was basically dead inside. Recently i feel i have woken up from it (i'm sure the ketamine infusion helped), but reliving it and the anxiety are not great either... My doctor who is giving me ketamine infusions tells me there's no real treatment in his opinion except time, the other patients with PTSD spent all their lives speaking about their PTSD experience and it never got better until they came to him. That's his view. My dilemma is the following: I live in a great city for mental healthcare (nyc), but I cant afford another apartment and to live somewhere else in the city, so a part of me is like - give the shrinks a chance to do something... or I really want to move to a carribean island or costa rica or somewhere nice where I can forget it all and have no triggers but less mental healthcare...??? Any advice would be appreciated, I know my professional life is over (its very triggering as is), what to do... I'm reading a book "what doesn't kill us" and trying to find some positive growth but its hard to do... Stay strong everyone!
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