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About Aeiou62

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  1. I have done lots of experiments with that, and frankly I am really pissed off that there is no research being done to parse that out. I have had very, very productive manias where I accomplished amazing things before the psychosis set in. I dont just wake up speaking gobbledygook one day. Mania builds, gradually. You can learn to recognize it. So all Im asking is to go to Level 5 or 7, finish what I started last time i had a Big Idea, and then go to the ER, get a nice little shot of Abilify and sleep for 20 hours and awaken refreshed. Is that so much to ask? Apparently it is, because nobo
  2. I need some energy, some motivation, some good manic voodoo. Why cant i have that without losing my damn fool mind.? Hasnt anyone looked at that? Why must I be either lazy and lethargic or 90mph? Im always tired, always fatigued. I need to know how to get my mojo going WITHOUT my kookoo taging along every time. I cant believe nobody has studied this.
  3. No doubt about that...in eight weeks or however long to next med check?
  4. Oh, Ive reported it to everyone on my team. Unfortunately, I just saw my shrink last week, and to HER, of course, I said nothing. Just forgot amid all the earnest dosage discussion. Ill keep asking around. Its mainly other people's experiences like this Im interested. Do you see what I mean by errors? Did I describe it accurately, or even adequately?
  5. I have a radio in my head rather than senseless chatter. Had it since I was a kid. Its volume and clarity goes up and down dependent on my overall wellness, mood etc, but it always sounds likes its a bit muffled like its a cheap little radio playing in the next room or down the hall. The programming includes talk shows, dj monologues and music, sometimes the same song over and over. I thought others had this too, and this is what they ment by having a song stuck in their heads. The verbal stuff is usually hard to make out. Sometimes theyre talking about me, but not always. Everyone seems to th
  6. This crap is happening more frequently, and ive shared a couple examples with friends or therapists, but only one person gets why its disturbing. Maybe I didnt explain it right, over over-explained it, so Im just gonna give these examples, and hopefully itll resonate with someone 1. Rushing to an appt. one morning where I was to meet someone, walk to get a 7/11 coffee, then go back to original location to work on something. About 5 minutes behind, I realize I can make up the 5 minutes if I make a left and go directly to 7/11. But I see a light (not in my path of travel) turn red, and angr
  7. Umm, unless he's doing some kind of radical, intrusive, experiential therapy, I wouldnt hang this on the psychologist himself. Maybe you're reacting to the stimulating content he's brought up, but under no circumstances whatsoever is a hammer on yourself EVER a part of an appropriate response to feeling or not feeling. I'm responding as a person with a long history of self-harm. I'm sorry you got to the place where you felt you needed that outlet, really. I'm a bit tearful, actually. And I'm glad you're feeling better since, but if hurting yourself was ever a consistent part of your coping too
  8. I started to answer this question a few days ago, but then backed off, but I see someone else has answered similarly. For me, there can not be subjective assessment, because I will lie to me, and when pressed, I will aggressively defend. So i had to develop a totally objective diagnostic with time-limited, yes-no questions, but which were based on my own unique and familiar mania presentation. It is all about my actions and behavior, predicated on the premise these will be indicative of how my head is behaving, bc while i might try to modify my behavior/actions to disguise a mania from others,
  9. YESS! Especially because we should know bettet BEFORE by now, right? I've been through this rodeo so many times, it's hard for it to sneak up on me anymore. I know whats going on. I know where it can lead. And i DO have effective tools for managing it. But I have these alternative facts...because I am so familiar, I take the inexplicable position that no, I'm not cycling, because if i was, i'd know it, so i would acknowledge, admit it, whatever. But thats not it. I'm just misbehaving. I know better, but I have no self control, no will (wont) power, which is a character defect, not a medical co
  10. Thank you so much. And sorry about that. I normally don't draw down on people and open fire like that, but, a) it kinda partly addresses the question, b) its relevant to the purpose of the forum; and c) I am there, right now, this very moment, unmedicated at about 50 hours sleepless, not real bad, but I'm getting too old for this shit, like: I've won, and thus commited to paying for, close to 300 ebay auctions in the last 48 hours. My bank account is already overdrawn, to say nothing of all the packaging and wrapping crap that is everywhere in this little house because I buy rocks and bea
  11. Well, I wrote this when I was manic as hell and had just days before finally been diagnosed in one of those head-slapping V-8 moments. I basically opened my mouth and recited it from scratch, at tempo and lather, rinse repeat until I felt I knew it well enough to slow down and write it. Headcase Manifesto Let us consider that maybe It's okay for me just to be crazy And give up this quest for balance I'm always working at compliance Always struggling for acceptance As we seek new explanations For my contrary inclinations --It was the drugs, or the abuse Or t
  12. You know in the list of topics, the one that precedes yours is called "Things you've done while manic" and then right under it there's you: All the things! Made me laugh. More seriously, yes, I can relate. I get completely bogged down in things in mania. I have to open cupboards examine stuff, see if anything has a higher purpose. Pull out boxes of packed things and spread them out so i can see and touch it all. And the worst of it is the drive to acquire more things! But in my head, I don't hold it as such. My kids call this routine "You and your big ideas." It's often triggered by some
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